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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByEgo · 13/03/2017 08:28

Just where in the bathroom is he expected to sleep?

Original poster
sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 08:29

We got a discount on the original price of the holiday home because we know someone who works there hence why we could afford for DS to have his own room.

When it was suggested (before booking this place) that we might have to share with our DS we asked for a place where he could have his own room as then we could relax. DS is a light sleeper and was moved into his own room earlier than recommended as a baby as the slightest noise woke him up and no one was getting any sleep. Sad

When i expressed this to mil she said "well you could always move his cot into the bathroom" and i said absolutely no way. So we booked the larger holiday home with one extra bedroom so DS can have his own room, but luckily got a discount so it actually was cheaper than the house where we'd have to share with DS if that makes sense.

But now we're apparently expected to make way for my brother in law's sister in law and (i presume) her kids for a few nights.

Thank you though for the posts of sympathy and encouragement to express my dislike of this at the very least. Last night oh thought it might not be worth rocking the boat. He may be right, and maybe sharing with DS might work out, but it's the principle really.

OP posts:
ChuckDaffodils · 13/03/2017 08:30

Last night oh thought it might not be worth rocking the boat. He may be right, and maybe sharing with DS might work out, but it's the principle really

Yet they don't mind rocking the boat with you? Funny that.

FeralBeryl · 13/03/2017 08:31

I think SoulAccount unfortunately is spot on.
Cottage cost has been split 3 ways. OP and other family are getting 2 rooms each and grandparents one. They are therefore thinking they can decide the fate of the 'extra' rooms.
It's shit OP, and I do think you should raise it with her, not even as a cost issue but as a 'that really wasn't what we arranged, or wanted' convo.
However, if it come down to it, you will manage and be fine, I think in similar set ups, a lot of us would end up with the youngest sleeping in with us in a travel cot or the floor granted not in the bathroom as they tend to be a bit chilly in cottages but I digress.....

HecateAntaia · 13/03/2017 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChuckDaffodils · 13/03/2017 08:32

Take the cost of the accommodation, and divide it by 7. That is how much it is per night. Divide this by 4. this is how much she needs to pay for the accommodation every night she is there, split by the other three parties.

If you aren't going to rock the boat, at least get her to pay her way.

Craiconwithit · 13/03/2017 08:34

Cheeky bugger! I'd be telling MIL it isn't on, in no uncertain terms.
The owners of the holiday home won't be very happy either as it will be insured with a specified maximum occupancy.
It might be worth checking the rental terms, if you're not sure.

shovetheholly · 13/03/2017 08:40

OP: can you confirm whether the extra guest's invitation has anything to do with any need for extra care for the child with SEN?

SanitysSake · 13/03/2017 08:40

For starters, why isn't the SIL, on finding out about your son having to sleep in a bloomin' bathroom to accommodate her and her brood saying 'No, I couldn't possibly...'

If she isn't, she can't be that 'nice'.

Nope, this isn't on.

diddl · 13/03/2017 08:41

I've nothing against a cot in a bathroom at night per se, but then if the baby is a light sleeper, how can the bathroom be used?

Perhaps couples having two rooms should pay more?

I can see where MIL is coming from-thinking that a 1yr old could sleep elsewhere for a night or two to allow another family to stay though.

But if it's not doable, well then it isn't!

Sandsnake · 13/03/2017 08:43

Ridiculous. Not so much losing the room, although that is very annoying in itself but more the change in dynamic. More people to please, more children who's routines / tastes you have to fit in - it will change things. Also the fact that the new SIL will be far closer to her sister than anyone else there, which may well lead to them spending more time together at the expense of others.

And I don't think a one year old having their own room on holiday is ridiculous! DS is 16 months and although I'd have him in our room for the odd night in a hotel we've paid extra to get a two bedroom place for a cottage holiday we have coming up. DS was an awful sleeper as a baby and part of him getting better was going into his own room. We are too scared of bad sleep to rock the boat and will pay more for better sleep!

EustaceClarenceScrubb · 13/03/2017 08:43

So the cost of the rental was cheaper because of your contact getting you a discount? Then it really is cheeky to think the MIL has a right to invite someone else for free, she has already benefitted from the reduced price from the OP

dowhatnow · 13/03/2017 08:43

If that extra bedroom was booked expressly for your ds then you can insist that still applies.

Original poster
sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 08:50

No my brother in law's SIL has not been invited to be an extra carer to help with the child with SN. The child is able bodied but mentally would not cope with having to share a room.

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 13/03/2017 08:52

In that case, it does sound completely bizarre! I hope you can work it out, it's SO frustrating when people arrange things without really asking.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2017 08:52

What a load of cock. Your MIL is rankly taking the piss - if she wants to sleep in the bathroom, tell her to go ahead, but your DS will be sleeping in the room you've paid for.

Nothing against adding in extra people, so long as they either pay their whack, OR sleep in the living room. Or a tent in the garden. But no, they DON'T get to take a paying guest's room (which is what they're trying to do).

EndoplasmicReticulum · 13/03/2017 08:52

How many extra people will there be? You say "her kids". It's not just sleeping that will be crowded, what about cooking, bathrooms, etc.

I'd hate this. I don't like plan changes, especially if they are sprung on me. I'd be tempted to pull out of original booking and get somewhere nearby just for my family instead.

Or, if you know someone who works there, get them to put their foot down about rental agreements and maximum occupancy rules.

IdaDown · 13/03/2017 08:53

What does DH say about it?

You've already changed the booking to accommodate an extra room for your DS - so everyone inc your MIL is aware that you don't want to share a room with your DS.

If it were me, I'd ask DH to call his DM and say no.

If DH won't call or you MIL won't take no for an answer, I'd call and ask the tenuous link SIL to take your place and refund you the cost.

You won't have the holiday you thought you were getting and it will make you very resentful.

Bluntness100 · 13/03/2017 08:54

Where as I do agree mother in law should have asked if anyone minded, as said I personally wouldn't have major issues here , especially if like them, because lets be honest, kicking off is going to cause bad feeling and a lot of it. Yes you feel put out, as you don't want to share with your child, so could your child sleep with another child? Seems there is plenty of kids going.

So the two issues are the mother in law not asking and the fact they appear not to be paying their way.

If the house cost 1000 for the week and you all paid 333 per family, then let's be honest and admit mother in law paid extra as they are the only ones needing one room and those needing two paid less.

However if using the same logic it should be 250 per week, so you could ask for your eighty pounds if the money bothers you.

However if it's a five bedroom house, it's 200 per room per week, and you could divide it that way,

Personally I'd just shove the kids in together or have my one year old share with me.

paddypants13 · 13/03/2017 08:58

I'd just say no, your ds will not be sleeping in your room so some random who has paid nothing can have a free holiday.

I would also prefer a separate room to my dcs so dh and I could relax and have some space.

bloodyteenagers · 13/03/2017 09:00

What's the max occupancy of the rental? That's what I would begin looking at.
If you are still within occupancy then this suggests that the living room can also be used as sleeping. That's where she goes and her kids and mil would be told now.

Original poster
sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 09:00

Bluntness - my DS can't share with their DS as their ds has SNs.
The other child is a baby less than 6 months who will be sharing with brother in law and his wife anyway.

Brother in law's sister in law wants to come, more than likely bringing her kids. But they expect to have my DS room.

OP posts:
smurfit · 13/03/2017 09:01

In my family this sort of thing is normal. I remember being quite put out that I had to change all my sleeping arrangements last minute to accomodate more extended family.

Tbh, I'd suck it up for a couple of nights (and I'm normally the one bunked in with all my sisters' kids) but would definitely ask as innocently as possible how much they were contributing... for budgeting purposes of course.

bloodyteenagers · 13/03/2017 09:01

Oh I would also work out her share and give mil bank details to transfer your refund.

Letseatgrandma · 13/03/2017 09:04

Your mother in law is taking the piss massively, especially as you already made your views crystal clear-that tells you how important she thinks your views are.

Yet you are not going to risk the boat about it which is the oddest part of all!