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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
Rachel0Greep · 13/03/2017 09:33

'Brother's SIL and children can take our two rooms...here are my account details for the refund...DH, DS and I will book a separate house' Wink (far far away).

rollonthesummer · 13/03/2017 09:34

I think it's bloody cheeky. Why the need for extended family to come?! Had this seemed like a good idea at the time of booking-it should have been mentioned then.

If they want a family holiday with 'their' side of the family-why don't they go and book one!?

Bluntness100 · 13/03/2017 09:36

As the mother in law subsidised the op and the other couple in the first place by paying more than their share, I'm not sure asking for a refund is the best plan,, that they were happy to take but not to give Would be everyone involved thought, especially if the other couple aren't kicking off and asking for money,

Chattymummyhere · 13/03/2017 09:38

If you go over occupancy you risk being kicked out with no refund due to invalidating the insurance.

No way would I be giving up a bedroom for my child when I've part paid for the holiday so someone extra can have a freebie nope no way.

We always book a minimum of three bed accommodation so no less than our own home when holidaying is cottages/lodges/caravans not really a holiday if everyone if grump from poor sleep and being too crammed in.

I would just state you will not be giving up the room and if they push you will just cancel the whole booking as I'm presuming it's booked in your name since you managed to get the discount.

MimiSunshine · 13/03/2017 09:39

Don't wait for them to mention it, they won't or if they do will phrase it as 'you don't mind do you...'

Just say 'I heard you're thinking of asking us to give up the room for DS so SIL can come? I'm sorry but the reason we specifically booked a X bed cottage was because DS needs his own room.
I know none of you will thank us when he's up crying in the night so he won't be coming in with us, but if you can convince someone else to sleep in a bath then it will be lovely to see SIL, how is she?'

Just phrase it as if it's NOT a done deal, it isn't they can't just decide for you. And keep it breezy.

MuseumOfCurry · 13/03/2017 09:39

As the mother in law subsidised the op and the other couple in the first place by paying more than their share,

Really? Where did you see that?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/03/2017 09:39

Agree with RACHEL.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 13/03/2017 09:39

I wouldn't mind a bunk up for a day - maybe two - if we were going away for two weeks. I'd bite my lip for that.

But for basically most of your holiday? No way. PIL might think of her as extended family but so what? I never understood these things where people just make assumptions that others are happy to be put out on someone else's say so. So rude.

Your partner needs to put his foot down. I wouldn't go for the 'we've paid for it' because the SIL may well be more than happy to contribute. I'd go for the 'we don't get any sleep with DS in the room - that's why we need another room. It's OUR holiday too'.

Notice MIL would rather have your baby in the bathroom than in her room Hmm

badger2005 · 13/03/2017 09:39

Going against the grain here, but in this situation I would try to accommodate the SIL.
You will have to have your child in your room, or if no-one gets sleep that way, I would use the bathroom (have done this before in hotels). Depends how big the bathroom is, but hopefully there is room for a travel cot. You may need to keep your wash-stuff out in and use a different bathroom (e.g. your PILs?).
I know it is a bit inconvenient, but hardly that big a deal - and think of all the things you will gain. Sounds like you like this SIL, so hope you'll enjoy her company, and you can also enjoy the company of her kids. Good feelings all round.
Plus think of what everyone else will gain. Your SIL and kids will have a holiday, your PILs will get to see them, etc.
I get that you have a 'right' to the room, but really, who cares? Life is too short to insist on your rights when there are personal relationships to consider.

KitKatCHA · 13/03/2017 09:42

Expecting your DS to sleep in the bathroom is crazy, what if you want a bath or even need the toilet! Nip this in the bud asap.

Starlighter · 13/03/2017 09:43

Whaaaat?!?! If sil is coming she needs to pay and she can slum it in the bathroom! Why should your son be turfed out?! Bloody cheek.

Aderyn2016 · 13/03/2017 09:43

OP, what is the point of coming on here to complain, being told yanbu but then saying you are going to suck it up anyway because you don't want to rock the boat.
Locate your spine and say no. If mil wants her there, then mil accommodates her.

SapphireStrange · 13/03/2017 09:44

Have I got this right? Your son is meant to sleep in a bathroom?

They can all fuck off. Your OH needs to man up and back you up too. 'don't rock the boat.' Piss off.

Nousernameforme · 13/03/2017 09:45

I would say
"Oh what a shame there won't be room for us after all. Who is going to buy our rooms of us then Sil? Mil? any takers? Oh also our friend who did us mates rates on this room now wants full whack seeing as we won't be there."
Actually that is what I would want to say.
What I would probably do would be to suck it up and inwardly seethe and wish hellfire upon them all.
1st ones healthier

nelipotter · 13/03/2017 09:47

Personally I can't see why you wouldn't want everyone there! Big family holidays are a treasured memory from my childhood. Lots of those rellies have passed away now too. Everyone bunking in is lovely and bonding and just nice

badger2005 · 13/03/2017 09:47

I don't get the outrage at 'sleeping in a bathroom'. presumably the idea is that you put the travel cot in there. All the child needs is a place for the travel cot. We have improvised with bathrooms, lobbies, etc, the bit round the corner within the same room. This obviously isn't necessary for a child that can fall asleep surrounded by company, but our ds needed some a place to chill out without us there (so exciting did he used to find out company.... ah, and now he's old enough to roll his eyes at our attempts to make conversation!).

bloodyteenagers · 13/03/2017 09:49

I wouldn't sleep in a bathroom. I don't care how clean the toilet is.

If thisbatshit idea continues because your child doesn't need his own room. Every time he screams the place down, walk along the corridor to quieter him down. Then let them try and complain in the morning when they are all tired.

badger2005 · 13/03/2017 09:50

Yes nelipotter - that's how I see it too. It's about the company. I would try to work the sleeping arrangements out together starting from the idea that you would love SIL and her kids to join in too.
It's like welcoming in unexpected but beloved extra guests at dinner, rather than turning them away because you don't have enough napkins.

Crumbs1 · 13/03/2017 09:52

I'd not worry about the extra person but it would be her or her son who slept on the sofa (not bathroom.) could the boys not share? Unless very severe ASD shouldn't preclude sharing. If very severe the woman probably needs the break.
Unless she is significantly worse off she should pay for and cook a meal whilst there.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2017 09:54

badger - it depends on how many bathrooms there are, really, doesn't it. If there's just the one, with about 8 other people in the house, chances are at least one of them will need the bathroom in the middle of the night, and given that the OP's DS is a light sleeper, he ain't going to sleep through someone using the bathroom while he's in there.

Kinda obvious really.

BadLad · 13/03/2017 09:55

Plus, if someone has to do a massive shit in the middle of the night, why should he have to put up with the lingering stink?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2017 09:56

I've been on house share holidays before, and someone always ended up sleeping in the living room. Never a problem - just make sure that sleeping bags are brought, and maybe a blow up mattress.

I see no reason for your DS to be bunted from a room you've paid for.

ItsNachoCheese · 13/03/2017 09:57

No chance would i be expected to give up my ds's room so some randoms can gatecrash the holiday

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2017 09:58

That too, Badlad!

And, I'm slightly reminded of the time I had too much alcohol and spent most of the evening in the only bathroom/toilet, throwing up and being hosed down by a female friend - the girls were allowed in to use the loo, the blokes had to piss in the garden. We didn't ask about any "no. 2s".

LucilleBluth · 13/03/2017 09:59

Another no way here. Holidays are for relaxing and it's hard enough to relax with kids anyway. You need your DS to sleep or you will be exhausted during the day , and that's no holiday.