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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 13/03/2017 07:54

Well what did you say when your mother in law told you that your son would be sleeping in the bathroom?!

Too many questions here really.

Why were you all going on holiday without inviting her in the first place?

Do you get on with her?

Does your DH want her to come?

Megatherium · 13/03/2017 07:54

Is there a reason why she wasn't included in the plan originally?

Presumably because she isn't direct family - she's one of the family's SIL, i.e. sister to the brother's wife.

Lweji · 13/03/2017 07:56

Yes, IF all can be accommodated without bathrooms being involved, I'd just say it's great that the holiday has just become cheaper. And do some quick maths of how much.

SoulAccount · 13/03/2017 07:56

I would say 'this is beginning to sound a bit cramped: why don't we book a bigger cottage? Lovely that SIL is coming but this is my one week holiday and I want a good sleep'

And let her deal with it.

Original poster
sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:56

I think she wasn't included in the original plan as it was OH's parents idea as they wanted a holiday with their grandchildren (she is their sons wife's sister so counts as extended family to them i guess) and it would mean renting a huge house if they came as well originally.

We've rented the whole holiday home between the 3 of us rather than per room technically.

I do know her and she is very nice, nothing against her personally.

I'm not sure how to tell my brother in law as if it's already arranged then they're going to use that an excuse. Angry

OP posts:
ChuckDaffodils · 13/03/2017 07:56

There cannot be just enough rooms for the people originally going, and more than enough rooms for 3 extra people.

'No MIL, we do not have extra rooms and nobody is going to be sleeping in a bathroom, unless you fancy it yourself in which case. knock yourself out'.

rollonthesummer · 13/03/2017 07:56

that OH's brother's SIL

Who is this?

AtSea1979 · 13/03/2017 07:57

Perhaps they could do with a break having an under 1 and a child with SN. However, they should of asked if there was room, MIL should not be giving out orders. I know MIL has paid for two rooms as well as everyone else but if SIL needs two rooms then she shouldn't be offering yours. Is there a reason they weren't invited in the first place? Maybe they've told MIL how sad they feel at being excluded and she's trying to keep everyone happy.

Sgtmajormummy · 13/03/2017 07:58

PIL have decided that SIL is coming. Tell them quite clearly to sort out the sleeping arrangements and payment if necessary in their part of the holiday house.
Same for food, BTW, which will probably crop up at some point.

Letseatgrandma · 13/03/2017 07:58

I'm not sure how to tell my brother in law as if it's already arranged then they're going to use that an excuse

It can't already be arranged if the necessary plan is your child sleeping in a bathroom! You would need to agree to this first.

What does your DH say? Have you actually told anyone you're unhappy?

carabos · 13/03/2017 07:58

But she's the OP's BiL's SiL - i.e. pretty much a random! Why does she a) get to come on a family holiday when she's not really family and b) if someone has to sleep in a bathroom then there just isn't room is there? What a crock - tell MiL it isn't happening.

shovetheholly · 13/03/2017 07:58

As is so often the case in these situations, it might make sense to think about the two relationships - with MIL and with SIL - separately.

If the whole family is well-off, and SIL is only excluded because she couldn't otherwise afford a break, it seems like a generous thing to include her in the break for free. If SIL is a howling banshee of awfulness, however, then that is a very different story.

In either case, however, your MIL should absolutely have discussed this with you first. Does she have form form making these executive decisions without consultation? If so, I would draw a gentle but firm line with her, making it clear that this is unacceptable and that all adult parties need to be consulted in future before a decision is made.

Mumzypopz · 13/03/2017 07:59

Sounds like your mil has invited her on behalf of the family. I would be quite cross but wouldn't show it. I would just say, oh, is she sleeping in your room on a camp bed or something? If she suggests her having your child's room, just say, oh, well she hasn't asked us, are you sure that's what she thinks is happening? Followed up by, we have paid for that room.

AprilTheGiraffe · 13/03/2017 07:59

Bathroom? Couldn't he sleep in a travel cot in your room?

Do people usually put kids of circa 1 year old in their own room on holiday? Genuine question. It's never occurred to me. But I dunno why seeing as my two year old clearly has her own room at home.

But yeah I know I'm missing the point. Have your husband tell his mother not to be so ridiculous.

Chloe84 · 13/03/2017 07:59

Brokenbiscuit

Yes, I get it's not MIL's DD but OP said "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately".

Why make that comment unless you had someone in mind for that room? Maybe her son or DIL put pressure on her?

ChuckDaffodils · 13/03/2017 08:00

Perhaps they could do with a break having an under 1 and a child with SN

The child with SEN is already going. It is his mother's sister that is being invited and is not contributing. Which with a bit of maths it wouldn't be hard to calculate how much she should pay.

expatinscotland · 13/03/2017 08:00

I'd kick off.

AtSea1979 · 13/03/2017 08:00

When they say bathroom, do they mean pop a travel cot in the en suite? I've done this before now but only to save my sanity in a hotel room!

Trifleorbust · 13/03/2017 08:01

That is outrageously cheeky and no, of course your DS won't be sleeping in the bathroom Hmm

"Of course he won't be sleeping in the bathroom. She needs to book elsewhere or I'm afraid we can't come and will be needing our money back."

Stand up for yourself! Nothing worse than a cramped, resentful holiday.

shovetheholly · 13/03/2017 08:02

Oooops, I assumed that this was your SIL! Unless there is some reason why she is especially close to your family group - e.g. some kind of adoption scenario - it seems extremely odd that she was invited at all??

honeylulu · 13/03/2017 08:02

Repeat as many times as necessary that you have paid one third and your family will be occupying one third of the bedrooms.

If others want the extra guests so much, let them shuffle round to accommodate them.
And yes I would feel annoyed someone is getting a free ride when everyone else has paid.

Trifleorbust · 13/03/2017 08:03

Mumzypopz: I like the suggestion re asking about the camp bed in MIL's room!

shovetheholly · 13/03/2017 08:03

Hang on - this doesn't make sense.

Has the sister been invited because the child with SEN needs extra care and she can provide it, giving the Mum a break?

If so, that's totally different from randomly inviting a distant family member.

Groovee · 13/03/2017 08:04

I'd be asking for my money back and not going.

pinkdelight · 13/03/2017 08:04

You need to make it not about your SIL and her free holiday, whether feeling the unfairness of that or feeling bad about vetoing it. This is your holiday. You've planned it, paid for it and are looking forward to it. It's not up to anyone else to fuck with that. Stick to your guns. No, this is our holiday. He's having his own room like we planned. No, he can't sleep in a bathroom. She can stay in a nearby hotel if she wants, that's not your problem. This is your holiday. Repeat to fade and don't be ground down.