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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 13/03/2017 08:04

So it's one extra person, on her own not a family? What's the problem then? Can't someone share the room with your DS? Why isn't your DS and DB DC (without SN) sharing? I know that doesn't change anything and misses the point!...

AprilTheGiraffe · 13/03/2017 08:06

I find it odd that people would pay for an extra room for a one year old. Clearly richer than me!!

Butterymuffin · 13/03/2017 08:06

I do think this is cheeky of MIL, but the number of bedrooms issue complicates it, as presumably the couples with young kids are occupying multiple bedrooms, while the in laws just have their one? Is SIL coming alone?

ChasedByBees · 13/03/2017 08:06

I'm not sure how to tell my brother in law as if it's already arranged then they're going to use that an excuse

It's not arranged if the people it most affects haven't agreed. You paid for this holiday. No way should you agree with this.

Doyouwantabrew · 13/03/2017 08:06

Ring mil and say no you arnt having your ds sleep in the bathroom of course not. Tell her it's all arranged and booked and if she wants sil to come she can sleep in the bathroom.

I totally sympathise as similar happened to me in my young mum days. Went away with inlaws who were lovely btw and all booked separate caravans and the day before mil asked if sil could share ours. Sil is nice but like an idiot I said yes to not upset the apple cart and it ruined my holiday as me, dh and the dcs weren't our own little unit and had no us time.

In my opinion holidays are best taken with just you and your dh/dcs unless strict and absolute plans are laid and then not changed.

Say no as this will ruin your holiday

AprilTheGiraffe · 13/03/2017 08:07

I think I'd be pissed off with MIL inviting extra people and changing everything without consulting everyone else, but actually I don't really see the big deal about sticking the one year old in a travel cot for a couple of nights. I'd want reimbursing for the cost of the room though.

honeylulu · 13/03/2017 08:07

I think the SIL is bringing her own kids too. So the plan is for her to take OP'S DS bedroom for her and her kids, which bumps DS out

Nocabbageinmyeye · 13/03/2017 08:08

I'd definitely put my foot down now, you don't even have to say you don't want her coming just that your ds will be getting his own room as you have paid and you want all talks of him sleeping in a bathroom or anywhere else knocked on the head now as you want no as awkwardness on the holiday you paid for and you will not be made feel like you should give it up so the foot is firmly down now

Doyouwantabrew · 13/03/2017 08:10

April most 1 year olds are used to their own room and so are the parents.

I wouldn't want any of mine aged one in with us unless for one night or an emergency certainly not for a holiday. Anyway that's beside the point isn't it. The op booked and paid for the room and it's for her dc not another random relative for free

Bluntness100 · 13/03/2017 08:12

I would not have an issue with this, I'd happily have my one year old sleep in our room on holiday especially if it helped others.

I don't understand why your child can't share your room though and would have to sleep in the bathroom, that confuses me, most people on hols share a room with their child, especially at one years old.

I get the cost issue, they should ask to quarter the costs instead of third and then give everyone back their share.

I certainly wouldn't kick off about it though.

Hoppinggreen · 13/03/2017 08:12

We had similar
Mil is lovely but has "happy" memories of her childhood holidays when everyone just squeezed into 1 bed
I just told her that unfortunately there really wasn't room for everyone but if she wouid rather Sil went then that was ok we wouid just make our own holiday arrangements.
She booked another nearby cottage for Sil!!!!

Justanothernameonthepage · 13/03/2017 08:12

I think just tell MIL that you'd be too anxious about DS sleeping in the bathroom, so if SIL pays you back half, you can split the holiday so that you're each there for half the week, then it saves having to recalculate how much everyone owes and then next year you can all look for somewhere big enough. Unless SIL is broke, in which case don't mention the money.

Only1scoop · 13/03/2017 08:13

YANBU I would stand your ground. Sounds like a nitemare trip to me

BillSykesDog · 13/03/2017 08:13

Why can't he go in a borrowed travel cot for a few nights? That's what most families do on holiday because most can't afford an extra room.

Bluntness100 · 13/03/2017 08:13

I wouldn't want any of mine aged one in with us unless for one night or an emergency certainly not for a holiday.

AprilTheGiraffe · 13/03/2017 08:14

No no I accept that's not the point, brew and agree that it's unreasonable.

Was just an observation really. It makes sense that kids are used to their own room at home and so of course can have their own room on holiday. It's just not something that would really occur to me for my two year old right now. It seems a needless additional expense. But then funds are tight here at the moment, maybe if they weren't I'd feel differently.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 13/03/2017 08:14

I think bathroom was a typo op meant bedroom! As the son was having his own room,TBH I would have a one year old in my room anyway! Also most holiday lets are certain numbers I.e 6/8/10 so she probably won't be allowed anyway.

AprilTheGiraffe · 13/03/2017 08:15

Oh thank you, i thought it was just me who was baffled by the idea of a one year old having their own room Blush

Trifleorbust · 13/03/2017 08:16

I think I would have my 1 year old in my room on holiday too but it's not the point. You don't book a holiday cottage with someone and then start inviting people/moving people into different bedrooms without consulting everyone who has paid for the break. It's rude.

Bluntness100 · 13/03/2017 08:19

April, no, in my experience most people would never consider paying for two rooms in a hotel on holiday and having a one year old in their own room, there is a safety aspect alone. A holiday cottage fair enough, but not otherwise,

There is another thread about leaving your child alone in the hotel room and would you do it just going out for dinner, never mind leaving them all night.

very few people are wealthy enough or see the need enough to pay double for their one year old to have their own room,

DJBaggySmalls · 13/03/2017 08:20

Do the people who let the cottage allow you to add more people? Cant they sleep in a tent in the garden?

SoulAccount · 13/03/2017 08:21

If the cottage has been split 3 ways MIL is only getting one room for her third, while OP and BIL family are each getting two.... so not sure where the moral right to a refund is.

I don't think the MIL or any member of the group should have invited others to muck in without consultation, and whether or not the one-year old goes in a travel cot depends on how they all are about sleep at the moment.

We used to put DC in with us on family trips but on holiday, if we were going to catch up on rest we needed a space where one of us could get an Undisturbed night.

Doyouwantabrew · 13/03/2017 08:21

blunt yes as my oldest one was a very light sleeper and any noises we made Grin woke the little bugger up.

Ds4 would sleep through an earthquake.

However the issue is the op paid for the extra room for her ds for probably a very good similar reason so why should she give way

rollonthesummer · 13/03/2017 08:22

Why can't he go in a borrowed travel cot for a few nights? That's what most families do on holiday because most can't afford an extra room

But why should the OP (who clearly can afford to) pay for an extra room in order for her brother in law's sister in law to get a free holiday?!

namechange20050 · 13/03/2017 08:26

I have a 22 month old. Pretty much since he turned one we've had him in his own room on holiday. We always go self catering. We disturb each other if all in the same room. And I don't view it as a holiday if I'm getting a crap nights' sleep!