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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 16/03/2017 21:43

They were hoping you'd say "Oh don't be silly. You can have DS's room."

girlywhirly · 16/03/2017 22:05

There's a lot of potential for another AIBU after the holiday.

Sylvannas · 16/03/2017 22:11

Luckless - So you are just totally perfect? Nope...That's right you are extremely rude and judgemental to people you don't know.

It's great it's been sorted OP. Thanks for the update!

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/03/2017 06:12

So oh brother wife and baby will sleep on the sofa - cot in living room while other gate crashing sil gets their bedroom?

Megatherium · 17/03/2017 07:18

Have you specifically checked with the owners whether they're OK with extra people in there? And have you checked what the paperworks says on that?

Is the SiL going to pay anything towards this?

Laura2507 · 17/03/2017 07:27

Why doesn't SIL sleep on the sofa then? Am I missing something?

Delatron · 17/03/2017 07:57

Yes why doesn't the gate crasher get the sofa? Then she may be less keen on the free holiday...

WipsGlitter · 17/03/2017 08:02

So two people are giving up their room for one person?

And yes, it does sound contrived for your benefit.

People sleeping on the sofa is a pain as well as if they're late risers it's awkward for everyone.

girlywhirly · 17/03/2017 08:10

Presumably because she has two DC who need to go to bed early, and BIL and SIL'S baby sleeps easily anywhere, presumably wakes for a late feed, and it's less disruption all round. If they were the ones who wanted SIL and DC on this holiday after it had been booked, they've got them. Time will tell whether everyone gets along, and whether the holiday is truly a holiday for all concerned.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 17/03/2017 08:30

You should have asked then: so how are we going to split the money them? Or say you'll be inviting your friends too...

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 17/03/2017 08:32

I'd tell them they should have asked ypu first though, it's really selfish of them to just assume you'd be ok with it.

Applebite · 17/03/2017 08:43

The SIL sounds horrific. You don't "go and visit" people in their fucking HOLIDAY HOME! If you are nearby, you meet up. You don't move in for a few days. And unless it's a huge house, all the extra pressure on bathrooms, hot water, chairs, kitchen etc - who is so selfish that they wouldn't just pay for their own accommodation? And if you can't afford that, you can't afford a holiday yet, so don't expect remote family to subsidise you!

I think i would be asking v loudly where she was taking us all for lunch/dinner as a thank you, for a bare minimum. I'd also be asking her to chip in for an online order for teabags, bread, toilet rolls, beer etc.

MsJolly · 17/03/2017 09:26

I think you are going to need to hold really strong in this and they are hoping that you will say of course you can't sleep on the sofa whilst our baby son has a massive room to himself...

SapphireStrange · 17/03/2017 09:39

I'd insist on the Ts and Cs being checked and insurance situation being clarified. If anyone tries to 'laugh off' the insurance thing, hold firm and make clear that you will not be involved in a scenario where the insurance might be jeopardised.

Masketti · 17/03/2017 10:52

It wouldn't be a holiday for me if either of my 2 slept in our room. Totally see your point of view and don't blame you for standing your ground.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 17/03/2017 11:07

In group situations you have those who assert themselves as leaders.

To be honest I find it really weird a family is giving up their comfort, when it'd be easier and more appropriate for SIL to sleep on couch, unless her DC are coming, so will be squeezed in somehow.

I can't imagine it being that comfortable. If SIL is broke, what exactly will she be contributing towards?

Are you looking at doing activities together or a mix?

Can we ask where in Cornwall this is?

Delatron · 17/03/2017 17:00

It just sounds like it's going to be a horrible, uncomfortable holiday (sorry). There will no doubt be lots of loaded comments and you'll need to ignore.

Honestly, I'd cancel if I could, say it's got too overcrowded, not the holiday I'd planned and book somewhere else. Holidays are precious.

SquidgeyMidgey · 17/03/2017 17:36

I think you need to pull out, tell MIL that SIL can buy your rooms. If you can't do that then you must check the number of occupants allowed. Insured headcount will not include crashers on the sofa or children in the bath.

mickeysminnie · 17/03/2017 17:39

Make sure your th is onside so that neither of you give in to the loaded comments about 'oh I didn't realise the sofa would be that small.' 'Oh, I am wrecked but if I try to go to sleep now you'll all have to leave the living room.' Etc.

mickeysminnie · 17/03/2017 17:40

Th? Dh!

FairytalesAreBullshit · 17/03/2017 18:18

It really doesn't make sense that a couple would give up their room for 1 person. I'm assuming they have a double, so SIL would only need that if she was bringing her DC, which means it's going to be a planning nightmare. Breakfast in shifts, people expecting to use your en suite if that bathroom is busy.

It does appear like MIL may have gone, well we'll say you two have kindly given up your room, if DIL has anything about her, she'll find new arrangements for GC. They don't need a whole bedroom to themselves.

Like others have said, pull out now, it's going to be a nightmare. Either you'll have to go to bed earlier so they can have some privacy, or you'll have to tip toe around them in the morning, as they're not early risers.

Really doesn't sound in the least bit fun.

girlywhirly · 17/03/2017 20:42

Actually, thinking about it, it sounds worse all the time. Say that now SIL and kids are coming, you think it's ridiculous that BIL and SIL and baby will have to sleep in the lounge. It's not the holiday you signed up for, and you, DH and baby would prefer to stay somewhere else. You will need your share of the deposit or whatever back and the rest of them can split the cost between themselves.

It would be interesting to hear how that will go down if SIL was after a free holiday and the rest will have to cover it. Just make sure you get your share back.

Originally I was thinking it might be OK, that you might have coped if SIL and kids could have been put off coming, but now it sounds as though they are all rallying around her. See if you can find a little apartment to rent, ask the person who gave you the discount on the house to help you. If they can't get something for the same week well sorry IL's, you'll just have to cope without seeing your DGC on holiday, the reason for this holiday in the first place, until you decided to ask extra people along.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/03/2017 22:15

I thought it had been established that the SILIL was going to bring her 2 DC, in which case I can sort of see why the DB and SIL would give up their room, IF the SILIL and he 2 DC are all going to share in together.
Then the 2 adults, DB and SIL, would be able to stay up later and then sleep on the sofas, long after the DC have all gone to bed.
That does actually make sense.
But only if the SILIL and her DC are sharing that room.

emmyrose2000 · 19/03/2017 01:14

I'd pull out, and make it quite clear why. If MIL likes being with this non-relative so much she can go on a separate holiday with just them. I'd tell MIL to refund my money and go and rebook my family a relaxing holiday elsewhere.

timeisnotaline · 21/03/2017 09:06

You have your rooms, I'd deal with it at this point. They have volunteered to sleep on the sofa to Fit sil in,so they are inconveniencing themselves the most, as it should be. I'd let them and call this a good outcome. Snide comments on top of this about when are you taking us out for a meal are a bit off really.