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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
Jeanneweany · 14/03/2017 21:59

I would ask for the money or say no to Mil.
just a straightforward no, as you will be affected. Also.
I really don't like family holidays with in laws. For this exact reason.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 14/03/2017 22:04

Ewe you are right, but have you ever known a man with big enough balls to say no to Mummy?

My experience of a group holiday was years ago. Like you I organised it all, we had no children with us so it was an adults only affair. What could go wrong I hear you ask.

Everyone paid up fair & square, so no grumbles in that department. We got in the property and this woman who liked to assert herself was like 'Oh there's a gorgeous bedroom with an ensuite jacuuzi. We'll have that room. I said no way, we organised this, I picked it specifically as pretty much everyone would get a bathroom to themselves, but that room was ours. There was the first argument of the holiday in minutes of getting there, I wasn't backing down, DH said just let them have that room, I stuck to my guns and said there's a hot tub jacuzzi outside. My back plays up, I booked this with the purpose of that room being ours.

Then you have Alpha chef wars, so one friend was like we all put £50 in and the friend and wife would go shopping. Only trouble was I was a bit panicky as I know most of them liked spicey food, I knew I'd be stood like a rabbit eating salad and bread.

Then you have the Alpha organiser wars, who is drawing up like excursions and walks for each day. Again I worked really hard, I had a bad back, so walking for miles wasn't my thing. The Alpha organiser also picked TV and what we'd watch. It just so happened you may as well call it Alpha male wars, as the same couple were in charge of everything.

One movie or one song from a movie I hated was that one from Donnie Darko, I really wasn't much of a fan of that genre it was a total head fuck. I was quite young too, so I wasn't afraid of saying oh I'm going to go and read a book upstairs. But the TV was so loud you couldn't think, so I think I went downstairs and queried if they were deaf. I was truly having a miserable time of it, as DH back then wouldn't say no to anyone. The next movie was Harry Potter, again not a fan as I was reading it, I wanted to get through the books first.

I was getting told off for not socialising, but I didn't think being on holiday together meant you had to be together all the time.

By the third day and third meal plan, outing plan and movie plan for the day, I was tempted to call up my Dad and say we're off home. Or I'm coming home, I had a touch of PND too, my vision of the holiday would be like it's a base we all do our own thing then meet at a pub. I mentioned when we were going for a pub meal, Alpha male although they could afford it, were all we've got our excursion, meal and entertainment plan. If I wasn't up at the crack of dawn they'd be gone all day. Part of the purpose of the break was to recharge batteries, not drain them further.

Anyway we both ended up leaving early as DH felt I was being rude, not getting up for mammoth walks, not enjoying the food and not being into the entertainment. He was really pissed off with me as he said he felt he let down his mates. It just happened that I had a different idea of what the time away would be like, Alpha male really had everyone eating out of his hand.

So I think you might enjoy having your own place away from them. In theory you spend a day or couple of days together and all is great, but a week altogether, you'll see sides to people you didn't realise existed. You could go for meals, you can go for day trips, then have your own place at night.

Best of luck.

Writermom22 · 14/03/2017 22:08

So your son is expected to sleep in a bathroom?

Foot down firm hand.

  1. That would be a fire/safety issue.
  2. You've PAID for your share of accommodation, you are entitled to the bedrooms.
  3. The homeowners will only be insured for a maximum amount of people. Shoehorning extra people in will make their insurance null and void so if anything bad happens, you lot will have to pay for it.

if I were you, I'd cancel my place and go somewhere with just hubs and son.

pollymere · 14/03/2017 22:09

You could offer up DS room at half of what you paid in total seeing as your going to have to give up a room you booked and paid for. Otherwise you probably need to be slightly unpopular and say that you don't think there will be enough room and that your DS won't sleep properly unless in a quiet room of his own (bathroom will get far too cold, even in summer, and he'll be disturbed when you go to bed). Do stand firm otherwise your holiday will be hijacked.

LucklessMonster · 14/03/2017 22:14

Fairytales is that a reverse post? Confused

To all those asking where OP is - she decided to roll over and be walked on.

ButtercupChain · 14/03/2017 22:18

Blimey fairytale, that sounds like the holiday from hell. I would rather go on my own than with people like the ones you went with. Me and DH hardly mix or socialise with anyone:- ever really. Just Crimbo. NY eve, and very close family member birthdays. We are both quite introverted, and would never ever ever go on holiday with anyone except each other and our children.

Re the OP, I think I would either cancel and go away with just me, DH, and the kids, or stand my ground and say no effing way is my child sleeping in the bath.

Fucking cheek. Hmm

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 14/03/2017 22:33

'We're dropping out MIL as those arrangements aren't acceptable to us'

Ticketybootoo · 14/03/2017 22:43

Put your foot down about the bathroom . Some bathrooms have boilers in them too - sorry to be neurotic health and safety but I would not sleep near a boiler in a rental house . Good Luck !

Twopeapods · 14/03/2017 23:10

Come back OP. I read through the first 13/14 pages til midnight last night on my phone and read the rest for new updates!
YANBU. Purely on the fact you made it clear you wanted an extra room for your DS at the time of booking. And having him in with you would disrupt your and DS sleep and it's not fair. Sounds like your MIL thought you didn't really need the bedroom and invited someone else to make a point. If it was me I would suggest she can take your rooms and you get a refund and you'll go elsewhere.

Falafelings · 14/03/2017 23:19

Have you paid already? Say you will pay 3/4 of the original price you were told and sil can pay 1/4.

Megatherium · 14/03/2017 23:37

We once had just a long weekend sharing a house with two other families, and it was the weekend from hell. Wife 1 spent the weekend bitching about the fact that wife 2 was doing bugger all to contribute, which, to be fair, was true. Wife 1 turned out to be a total control freak about children's bedtimes which meant that she couldn't understand why I didn't want my children to go to bed at the same time as her much younger children. When I found her interrogating our children on whether they had cleaned their teeth, I stopped biting my tongue and gently pointed out that my children's teeth really weren't her concern, so she started bitching about me as well. Never again.

car5ys · 15/03/2017 00:28

Damnit I've read every post, got to here and nothing from OP on outcome, well fed up and going to bed.

ButtonMooooon · 15/03/2017 07:17

Sorry slightly off the point but is it me or are others confused by how she is related? OH's brother's SIL? Is she some random who is loosely related through marriage or have I missed something?

OP is married to A. A and B are brothers. B is married to C. C and D are sisters. D is the SIL

Too early to think of names for them

tiggersreturn · 15/03/2017 08:18

Have your ds sleep with your MIL. Remind her he wakes up at the smallest noise. Then see if she's willing Grin

Petal02 · 15/03/2017 09:57

Unless we get an update from the OP soon, I think lots of us will get bored!

Enko · 15/03/2017 10:13

Fairytale Ewe you are right, but have you ever known a man with big enough balls to say no to Mummy?

Yes absolutely I have more than one too. Many adult sons have a perfectly respectful non overstepping relationship with their mothers.

Dh can say no to his mum if needed
my brother was able to say no to our mother (she is dead now)
All my uncles would say no to my grandmother if she wanted something they were not ok with (I have 5)
BIL can say no to MIL too

People who have normal healthy relationships can say no to their " mummy" without it causing any issue.

However I will quickly say my mil would never have suggested what ops mil did.. Just the generalisation stated there grated on me as I know many who can and do just that if needed.

manicmij · 15/03/2017 11:18

Taking one almighty liberty. Brother in law's sister in law not exactly a close relative. If you have only booked a week all the disruption accommodating the extra people would in my view wipe out any holiday mode. Would you have booked the holiday based on son having to sleep in a bathroom? Tell relatives NO or else you will pull out expecting reimbursement of your share.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 15/03/2017 13:33

Come back OP we need to know what has happened....

TheMaddHugger · 15/03/2017 14:23

I just messaged the OP. Hope she responds

Tapandgo · 15/03/2017 14:33

Getting coffee and a toastie ready.....

Jojofjo44 · 15/03/2017 14:56

I'd be telling the mother in law that she's sleeping in the bathroom seeing as his it's her mix up

jamtomorrow1 · 15/03/2017 15:28

My god, I read all 17 pages of this, enthralled, and there isn't a resolution?! Come back OP!

SherbrookeFosterer · 15/03/2017 15:36

Bite it.

Just go with it. If she needs a free holiday so much, let her have one.

Karma. x

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/03/2017 16:03

@sleepwhatsleep -come back, did you speak to mil

tbh dh should grow some balls and talk to his mum

you wanted a bedroom for ds or we wont sleep

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 15/03/2017 16:07

Feel slightly bad for wishing the OP would update - she has a life! But I really want to know if she told MIL to knob off or not Grin