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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
RubbishMantra · 14/03/2017 18:59

@mumto2two - I married into a family where the PILs were very much in charge with no boundaries. You have my sympathies. Not easy, is it?

mammamic · 14/03/2017 19:02

Just read that back - action with DH whilst DS is out of the way in his own room is what I was trying to say!

Also, men are rubbish at this type of conversation but I do think it's his family so his job to raise this one - but be sure he'd stand his ground. My ex would have caved immediately and ended up giving up our room to the uninvited guest just from a 'look' from his sister!

gingertigercat · 14/03/2017 19:13

I'd tell MIL why bathroom does not make a suitable bedroom for DS..... however if she really needs the extra room then surely DS can sleep in with MIL?

MrsC45 · 14/03/2017 19:15

How can anybody expect a child to sleep in the bathroom! Tell her no way she needs to make her own plans and pay herself.

Sofabitch · 14/03/2017 19:19

A travel cot in the bathroom seems perfectly acceptable to me. So long as there is adequate toilets else where so they aren't disturbed

Kika2901 · 14/03/2017 19:28

Sorry slightly off the point but is it me or are others confused by how she is related? OH's brother's SIL? Is she some random who is loosely related through marriage or have I missed something?

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 14/03/2017 19:31

Someone said; Will the owners of the holiday home be OK with that? I thought some had rules that you were not to wedge in extra guests

Someone else said; There will be something in rental agreement about maximum occupancy, so adding 3 people might go over that

They are quite right!! The cottage owner will have insurance that strictly covers a certain number of occupiers. In many cases the property will only be licenced to carry a certain number as well and your MIL would be forcing them to unwittingly break the law.

Someone suggested you say this and I couldn't have put it better myself, it's perfect! "Oh what a shame there won't be room for us after all. Who is going to buy our rooms of us then Sil? Mil? any takers? Oh also our friend who did us mates rates on this room now wants full whack seeing as we won't be there

Sorry for the post heavy on quotes, but these points are brilliant!

Bestthingever · 14/03/2017 19:33

The problem is not the lack of financial contribution, it's expecting a child to sleep in a bathroom. That's awful. I have total sympathy with you. When we shared a villa with my ILs, my pils actually expected me to hand over my 2 year old's travel cot to her 1 year old cousin while she slept on a mattress on the floor. I pointed out that my parents did not buy the travel cot as a gift to us to have her sleep on the floor. My dh was so mad at me but my dps would have been madder at the thought of their dgd sleeping on the floor.

SusieOwl4 · 14/03/2017 19:38

I also would use the booking conditions and the owner or house keeper might live nearby for all you know. I had a similar thing when someone invited themselves for a night with their dog. I refused as I did not want to get blacklisted by the company in the future for having extra guest and dog on premises .

pho3be · 14/03/2017 19:39

Sounds like a nightmare, id cut & run

Bunnyfuller · 14/03/2017 19:57

They can have our rooms as we will stay elsewhere/not come as there's obviously not room for all of us. It's clearly breaking occupancy rules/fire regs etc etc - either book a bigger place or someone doesn't come!

LeninaCrowne · 14/03/2017 19:59

Points to ponder:

  1. You were not consulted and MIL arranged it after you had booked so that to cancel would mean loosing deposit.
  2. If SIL and her brood turn up, its going to make the cottage over-crowded never mind that she is expecting to take over your DS's bedroom.
  3. You specifically booked this cottage so that your DS could have his own room.
  4. When one goes on holiday with young children, who hopefully go to sleep early evening, it is nice if they have their own room to go to sleep in, so you don't disturb them when you go to bed. Also, if they go to sleep early in the bathroom, they are going to be disturbed by people brushing their teeth, using loo, having showers etc, which means a grumpy baby the next day.
  5. There may be a maximum no. of guests permitted, as per insurance requirements.
  6. Also there may only be cups/plates/cutlery/towels/chairs etc supplied for a certain no. of guests.
  7. Just too many people using the same bathroom, using up the hot water etc. let alone sleeping toddler in it.
  8. Is your BIL's child going to be turfed out of their room too, or just your child?
  9. You are the one who's secured the good rate for the cottage via your friend, now you're being crapped on.
10. If there are complaints that your party is too big or taking up too many parking spaces etc., it will look bad for your friend and therefore you. 11. Is the SIL and family going to expect to be fed and watered and looked after or will they chip in? 12. You will be the 'outsider'. 13. It rains a lot in Cornwall, and stuck in a house jam-packed with resentful relatives will not make for a care-free relaxing holiday. 14. IT IS JUST PLAIN F**KING RUDE TO INVITE THESE FREELOADERS WITHOUT CONSULTATION
LeninaCrowne · 14/03/2017 19:59

even losing deposit

JaneEyre70 · 14/03/2017 20:00

I think it's fairly simple OP to just say that it's all going to be a bit too noisy and overwhelming to have that many of you altogether, and in order for DS to sleep and you both to get a break too, you're going to book somewhere else for the 3 of you. As this other lady is going too, she can pay for your share and everyone is happy. Having been on a big family holiday, one thing it isn't is relaxing!! Especially when your kids get completely overwhelmed and overtired. You've got the perfect excuse.

Lweji · 14/03/2017 20:02

But we have done it for I guess exactly the reasons that OP might consider it - light sleeping child, but no spare room (or in OP's case, possibly wanting to offer spare room to someone else!)
Hmm

Or possibly not, considering that she's paying not to have her child sleeping in a bathroom or in her room.

LookingforMaryPoppins · 14/03/2017 20:07

Has this been resolved yet? Anything been said by the OP to her MIL.

This does sound to be out of order and unreasonable, I would however ask how the cost of the cottage was split. Assuming the place is 4 bedroom, on the basis the OP has two rooms, bill one and mil one did the OP pay half? If so that's really wrong, of whoever it was split three ways, that's slightly different as bil and mil were subsidising op for having two bedrooms. Surely if bil Sil wants to come the cost should be between 4.

Wider Family holidays best avoided in my opinion!

FairytalesAreBullshit · 14/03/2017 20:10

I agree with JaneEyre, speak to MIL & say you're not happy that DS has been pushed into the bathroom, it specifically states it's for a certain number of persons, so there's won't be enough crockery & cutlery to go round. You've decided to book your own place, just the 3 of you. SIL can now pay for your share and have your room and the bathroom.

To be honest I've been on big group holidays, they're stressful, someone becomes the leader and everyone follows. Sounds like your MIL thinks she is in charge. So down to TV, what you eat, where you go, it'll be a bit like follow the leader, with very little privacy.

I'm guessing your room has an en suite so there won't be a mad dash for the bathroom, but others might expect to use it, if the others are in use.

I think it has the potential to drive you stir crazy.

The cynic in me thinks this is pretty much what your MIL wanted. She shouldn't be telling you oh SIL is coming, she should have asked. This is like a forewarning.

What are your thoughts?

EweAreHere · 14/03/2017 20:12

Your DH needs to speak up and say no. "MIL, we booked the villa with an extra room so DS could have a room of his own so we would actually all get some rest and enjoy our holiday. We didn't book AND PAY FOR an extra room so you could arbitrarily, without discussion, give it to someone else (and her children) FOR FREE, and to hell with us and DH. Sorry, but no. You either tell SIL that you're sorry, you made a mistake and there isn't any room for her and her children, or you reimburse us for our share of the costs and we will holiday elsewhere."

thenoisytimetravelstudent · 14/03/2017 20:19

You can't overcrowd a holiday rental like that - the owner would not be covered by their insurance. If they knew they probably would not have let the property to you!

Tapandgo · 14/03/2017 20:30

Doesn't sound like a holiday to me! I'd pull out, let the others take over your costs and book somewhere else.

(I bet the holiday cottage owner will have something to say about overcrowding re insurance issues)

kali110 · 14/03/2017 20:40

Has the op still not come back?

3luckystars · 14/03/2017 20:55

I would cancel out of the holiday.

I'd probably tell a big lie like I won a prize of a holiday elsewhere or something elaborate but I would not fight with the family, I would just cancel.

I'd rather go on a really difficult barefoot religious fasting pilgrimage than face this 'holiday'. Lie and cancel. Good luck.

Annette1000 · 14/03/2017 21:05

There is no way on earth I would allow a child of your DS age to sleep in a room they could lock themselves in, or with the facilities to drown themselves. It is a serious safety issue IMO, I would never allow a child that age unaccompanied in a bethroom, let alone when I was supposed to be asleep. Whether she gets a free holiday or not would bother me far less than the risk to my child sleeping in a bathroom. Let her sleep on the sofa, in a tent in the garden, or whatever. Without knowing her story, and why she is being dragged into this holiday by MIL it's difficult to judge, but absolute no to the bathroom thing.

dowhatnow · 14/03/2017 21:16

Trouble is it won't be overcrowded with sil and 2 more kids. I think it will be 10 in total and two babies in cots, which is normally ok in a 5 bed house.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 14/03/2017 21:37

I fear the OP has given in/been bullied into agreeing, and given the responses on the thread daren't come back and say so.

IF that's the case OP, please still come back and tell us. No flaming - we all understand what tactics pushy relatives can resort to.

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