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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
dansmum · 14/03/2017 17:36

"Hi, I hear your joining us for a few days on holiday...that's great..a bit more money in the pot for food and drinks!! and more adults on the babysitting rota means we all get a pass out to the pub! Can you let me know how much you've put in so I can tweak everyones contributions..always better if more people equals less for us all have to shell out...( cheery smile and determined silence for response).
Check your rental agreement for additional guests and then offer her the bathroom to sleep in ( if she's not paying) or she can bunk up on the floor of the room with her kids ( if she's not paying) (cheerfully) " I mean you dont mind sharing do you if you're on Free hols, right( sincere chuckle)."
Hold fast. Stand fast. ( check the back story first mind, might be a reason they need to join you...I'm not a heartless cow)

Irishmomma14 · 14/03/2017 17:36

Tell her jog on ! You have laid for your sons room hers can sleep in the toilet !!!

Irishmomma14 · 14/03/2017 17:37

Sorry paid :)

Loreleigh · 14/03/2017 17:38

You would only be unreasonable if you rolled over and stuck your little one in the bathroom as they've suggested - bang out of order and potentially bloody dangerous. I agree with others that have commented that you should view their comments as laughable and say there is no way your kid is sleeping in a bathroom and will be sleeping in the paid for room. Not sure I'd want the SIL in the bathroom either! Maybe she needs to find alternative accommodation, arrange her own holidays, or be part of discussions/arrangements if family holidays are being planned - and to be a little less demanding/selfish. My partner's family rent out a cottage and the number of staying and paying guests is agreed in advance - extra guests are not part of the deal. Stand your ground and tell your hubby to deal with his mother and freeloading relatives! Good luck, and have a nice holiday - with your son in his comfy bed, in his paid for room :)

Backt0Black · 14/03/2017 17:39

Its a NO! youve paid for x rooms, you want x rooms.

mumto2two · 14/03/2017 17:40

Personally I don't get the whole 'family unit' holiday thing full stop..
Having endured far too many similar MIL holiday coups in the past, I put my foot down and came to my senses. My family unit is DH, our kids and me..and that's it. Our annual holiday is ours alone, and nobody else can impinge on our space or our generosity. And that's how we like it. Good luck op. YA definitely NBU!

rookiemere · 14/03/2017 17:46

To be fair to SIL we don't know what was said to her. It's highly likely that either MIL or BIL told her that she was very welcome due to the "spare" bedroom. Perhaps she has no intention of going, but said she'd consider it to humour MIL/BIL.

I do wish the OP would come back, pretty please.

SherryChristmas · 14/03/2017 17:50

Firstly it's not on for anyone to sleep in a bathroom, especially a toddler.
Secondly there is a lot on the holiday owners websites about this sort of situation, when additional people turn up who are not listed on the booking form. It's highly likely the terms and conditions of the let will prohibit additional folk even visiting - let alone staying - without the owners written consent. If the terms are broken then the owner is entitled to either end the holiday forthwith due to the contract being broken, or charge extra for the additional guests due to additional wear and tear etc.

YANBU

Tess123 · 14/03/2017 17:53

YA sooo NBU!
Stand. You. Ground!
If you brother-in-laws sister-in-law wants to go, tell them you should all get a bigger house and divide by 4! Otherwise she might want to stay at a B&B close by for those few days.

You're not paying money for ANY holiday, nevermind a third of a holiday, for your son to sleep in the toilet!!!

RubbishMantra · 14/03/2017 17:59

That's really odd for a relative of a relative to want to tag along. I'd be Hmm

FairytalesAreBullshit · 14/03/2017 18:00

It might seem harsh on extra guest, but if she has to sleep in the living room, she has to be up and about so that everyone can come in. With so many people I'm guessing there's more than one couch.

OP booked it, I doubt she'll consider it again. This woman is expecting a free holiday. It's not fair to kick a child out of its room into a bathroom.

If I was the guest, I'd expect to sleep on a couch, not kick someone out of their room. Also it's not fair on OP as it sounds like she 'might just bring the kids along' which makes a comfy house really cramped.

If you're not paying & get an opportunity, you look to minimise disruption. So bring your own duvet and sleep on the couch. Be grateful you're getting the opportunity. Some places it wouldn't be viable.

rollonthesummer · 14/03/2017 18:03

Where is the OP??

Lweji · 14/03/2017 18:05

She's being held in the basement until she says yes.

Sheffmum1 · 14/03/2017 18:05

Hi- good luck with this . Speak to the mother in law as well If she's trying it this time.. she will try again. It sounds like she's the one with the problem and maybe the SIL is just going along with it. You need to be honest with her- or her husband needs to put his foot down with her. I was away with work recently and my husband basically told his mum to £&@; off as she interfering so much. Needless to say She's been better since! Best to come from him as it's his family. If he won't do it then he needs to grow a flipping back bone. Hope it all works ok.

BabytoBoris · 14/03/2017 18:07

Aby update op?

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 14/03/2017 18:27

YANBU.

Is Emerald the SIL?

Koolchique · 14/03/2017 18:30

YANBU.

Bathroom?! At first I thought it was a blip. Confused

Is there time to get a bigger house with one more room. SIL can pay something towards it, can't she?

If you're pushed around on this one, you might be pushed around on another.

Madwoman5 · 14/03/2017 18:33

So, you have a room for ds because you do not want to share with him. That is the point here.. it is your holiday full stop. She can either share with ds or sleep on the sofa...up to her or you could say that you booked a house big enough so everyone has their own space and if you had known then you could have found somewhere bigger and split the cost differently. However, no, your son will not be sharing with you or going in your bathroom. Dsil will have to make do with what is available.

mumto2two · 14/03/2017 18:36

'That's really odd for a relative of a relative to want to tag along'

True Rubbishmantra..but if OPs MIL is anything like mine, it's classic matriarch behaviour. Their big happy family with them at the helm, is often a self-gratifying reflection of just how wonderful at playing matriarch they are. So yes, the more the merrier in their book. No boundaries exist I'm afraid!

HappyFlappy · 14/03/2017 18:37

FIL in bathroom, MIL + SILIL + SILIL's umpteen kids sleep in PIL's bed, crushed together head to tail like sardines.

'Course FIL will be getting turfed out of the bath umpteen times a night as people needs the lavatory, and may actually need to take his bedding (I assume they are going to take extra bedding with them to kit out the bath) out of the bath if any of the kids sick, pee or poo (or indeed all of these) over themselves during the night - how I remember those Halcyon Days Grin - but it's a small price to pay for MIL's dream holiday isn't it?

badger2005 · 14/03/2017 18:46

Wow! Seems people feel strongly about this.

Has no-one else ever put their child's cot in a bathroom? We have! Obviously it has to be a big bathroom, so that you can make sure that nothing is reachable, and you have to have a not-yet-very-mobile (certainly - can't climb out of cot) child for it to work. But we have done it for I guess exactly the reasons that OP might consider it - light sleeping child, but no spare room (or in OP's case, possibly wanting to offer spare room to someone else!). Of course this only works if you can find another toilet and sink to use if needed in the night. I think in our case there was one in the lobby.

Is this such a very weird thing to do? It's in the past for us now - children way way too big to fit in a cot!

Tess123 · 14/03/2017 18:48

OP where are you??

We really need an update.

Jaxhog · 14/03/2017 18:50

YANBU at all. I like the idea of responding that this must a huge joke. If MiL wants to give up her room - fine. Otherwise no way.

This 'I've invited various relatives to freeload off your holiday' malarky is just not on. Unfortunately it's classic MiL territory.

cheval · 14/03/2017 18:57

If you need a pee in middle of night, you'll be clambering over child in darkness or waking her/him up by putting light on.
Just stay calm and say this idea does not work for you. If she wants to organise a holiday for another year accommodating all, with bedrooms and finances, you will be happy to join in.

mammamic · 14/03/2017 18:59

YABU to 'kick off'. Why kick off? Maybe talking about it would be much more productive. Going in all guns blazing (kicking off!) would more than likely not result in anyone being happy with the outcome.

I would find out what a couple of days mean - that could mean one night only. And in that case, you would come across as quite unreasonable and petty if you said no.

If it's more than one night, then I would suggest that the (unrelated) SIL's sis should sleep on the couch.

You're not being unreasonable but need to be careful not to come across as being so. I would be really honest and say that this is a holiday and for you, when you booked it, you specifically chose somewhere that had the room for you to have your own privacy and good night's sleep (or action!) with your DS in his own room.

How could anyone be offended or not understand that. I would probably go one step further and provide them a list of B&Bs/hotels nearby which the sister could stay in - that way she can still be part of the get together but not take someone's room.

I would also suggest a blow up bed/camp bed in the living room.

Don't give them any ammunition to be negative about you - they've put this situation in play and you are being completely reasonable in not wanting to give up your room. If you make it about a free holiday - it does seem petty and unnecessary.

Whatever you do, good luck and have a lovely holiday :)

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