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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that SIL is having a free holiday at my expense?

483 replies

sleepwhatsleep · 13/03/2017 07:35

We've booked a holiday home in Cornwall for a week in the summer. Me and OH with DS, his parents, his brother with his wife and 2 kids. Between the 3 couples we've split the cost.
Anyway last night MIL said that OH's brother's SIL is going to join us "for a few days" as "there are enough bedrooms anyway". There is just enough bedrooms for the 3 couples and the kids. OH's brother has 2 kids - one will be less than a year old so sharing with them anyway, and the other has special needs so needs their own room.
Mil has already referred to "well if we have to then your DS can sleep in your bathroom for a few nights" which i thought was odd as there were enough rooms for him to sleep separately (he will be 1 and a bit). So i guess from what i learned yesterday that they've already decided that DS will have to give up his room to accomdate his SIL with her kids for their free holiday for a few days out of only a week? Angry
What's made me more annoyed is that they haven't asked us beforehand.

AIBU to kick off about this?

OP posts:
Petal02 · 15/03/2017 16:16

Maybe DH and I could also join them on their holiday? If everyone slept in their bathrooms, there would be enough room for us!!! :)

Woody67 · 15/03/2017 16:36

I'd ask why MIL is prioritising the needs of someone she's not even related to over those of her own family!

Annette1000 · 15/03/2017 16:59

I wonder if someone else associated with this holiday has read the thread, recognised the situation, and made it too challenging for poor OP to respond to the thread further. It's hard, the key initiator here is probably the wife of the brother, as the sister of the extra guest. MIL may well be stuck in the middle.

I too have been coerced into a joint family holiday this year. We only ever have one week away, in the UK per year, and quite frankly I would rather stay home and clean my house with a toothbrush than go. Fuming with DH, who will sit on his posterior, while he has his holiday, while I work like a dog, but if I kick off I deny two other kids their holiday. Privately praying for a hideous contagious disease to afflict me, dysentery perhaps, so I could be thin when I recover too.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 15/03/2017 17:02

What's a reverse post? I've been here ages and NC at the weekend for something I didn't post in the end. Just shared my group experience for yeeeeeears ago. Never again after that as I like my own freedom too much, not having to have a bath between 8&9 because neurotic monster wants to soak in the jacuzzi with some wine literally as the clock strikes 9. Even though they were friends, we were offered a fully paid holiday a few years back, the answer was thanks but no thanks. I'm too much of a butterfly, I just about obey my DH.

So no I have no idea who OP is, I wish they'd come back as it feels like a waste of effort when they go AWOL.

Unless she's been kidnapped by MIL and is at a top secret destination, as MIL wants time with her GC & DC.

Great explanation as to who this BIL SIL is. Still cheeky expecting what she is. Call me pessimistic, but I have a feeling if she has DC, her OH isn't going to merrily let her leave him with the DC whilst she goes away.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 15/03/2017 17:09

You could always send your one year old on their own and have a week's free babysitting ;)

FairytalesAreBullshit · 15/03/2017 17:39

Maybe I'm a terrible Mum, but the thought of a week to myself, whilst DH plays happy families with the in laws sounds like heaven to me. I don't know where you stand on cosleeping, but you could get DH to push the bed to the wall, then he cosleeps with LO.

Or you could go for the part of the holiday BIL SIL isn't there.

I'm all for helping people out, but not at the expense of other guests. Would MIL like it if her GC with special needs had to camp in the bloody bathroom, I guess not.

Read what I wrote about my shared holiday with friends, sounds like MIL is making that Alpha person outfit to measure. Hopefully you can retreat to you bedroom if necessary, but guessing you won't be able to watch TV as bathroom is en suite.

Brighteyes27 · 15/03/2017 18:09

I would get DH to speak to MIL but check numbers allowed first. If ok I would go with Ds in your room in a travel cot I would be happy with this arrangement anyway if he's only one. Ask SIL for contribution for rooms and shopping etc. She might back out then or MIL might stump up for it but unlikely.
I definitely wouldn't go away with them or MIL again. Sounds like it will be hellish all on top of each other for a whole week with you and your DS at the bottom of the pile.

girlywhirly · 16/03/2017 08:31

I hope the OP's situation has been resolved. But even if the BIL's SIL is persuaded not to come on the holiday, it will have soured any enjoyment to some extent and I really doubt whether holidays with the IL's will be repeated.

MyOtherNameIsTaken · 16/03/2017 08:48

fairytales

I just about obey my DH Shock

Why would you have to obey your partner ? Hmm I truly hope that you were joking!!

Jaynebxl · 16/03/2017 09:11

Could you pull out and find a hotel nearby? Or offer to lend the extra person / family a tent?

PastaOfMuppets · 16/03/2017 10:17

Omg OP how could you be so cruel, pls come back to let us know how it all got resolved!

Original poster
sleepwhatsleep · 16/03/2017 19:41

Lucklessmonster: To all those asking where OP is - she decided to roll over and be walked on

As opposed to you, who decided to ignore the old lesson of "if you can't say anything nice..." Hmm

I had no update to give as I hadn't actually seen any of my family until this afternoon due to work, and it wasn't the kind of conversation I wanted to have over the phone incase it did become awkward.

Anyway this afternoon I saw my BIL (I'll call A), and his wife (S) and his sister (L) were there too. Turns out in conversation before I had a chance to bring it up, S said to L something along the lines of "you have to be nice to me seeing as we're letting you sleep in our bed when you come visit us at the holiday home".

So it turns out that they are giving up their own bedroom and will be sleeping on the sofa, and myself and my DS get to keep their rooms. I have a funny feeling that maybe MIL suggested to BIL to ask us to give up DS's room, and her mentioning it was her way of testing the water? I'm not sure really, but I'm glad its resolved before a problem actually happened. Phew.

Although still not entirely convinced I'm happy about how crowded the home is going to be. I'm not sure if it would be technically overcrowded or not - I think camp beds are provided and at least one of the DC's room is a double. It's something I'd have to ask MIL about as she booked it. Like some of you have said it may cause an issue regarding insurance. I have a feeling that if I mention it it will be laughed off as something that would be unlikely to be an issue (which is true in all fairness) but hey if I mention it beforehand conscience is clear, right?

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepwhatsleep · 16/03/2017 19:42

*HER sister (L) I mean, sorry. Just incase I confuse anyone else.

OP posts:
Petal02 · 16/03/2017 19:48

Thank you for the update, OP.

FrancisCrawford · 16/03/2017 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 16/03/2017 20:03

Good outcome, although SIL really should be contributing something towards the cost - especially if people are having to sleep on the sofa to accommodate her!

SantinoRice · 16/03/2017 20:08

SIL is sooooooo a mumsnetter Grin

thatdearoctopus · 16/03/2017 20:21

Thanks for up-dating.

That conversation between sil and her sis sounded SO contrived! Someone's given them the heads-up that you're pissed off.

And how long before it is mentioned how silly it is for your ds to have a whole bedroom to himself (not even using the bed) when people are having to bunk up on the sofa.

Tread carefully, OP!!! Grin

girlywhirly · 16/03/2017 20:30

I'm glad that there hasn't been a row over this, but I would encourage MIL to read through the T's and C's just to be sure that there is no issue with the numbers. If there are enough bed spaces for all the adults and DC who aren't in cots, you are probably OK. If BIL'S SIL isn't going to be there the full week they can probably move back into the bedroom.

Whether you can all cope with the enforced close proximity and so on remains to be seen.

Delatron · 16/03/2017 20:37

The gate crashing sister must have thick skin. I would feel embarrassed muscling in on a family holiday (when they weren't close family), forcing people to give up their (paid for) beds to sleep on the sofa whilst I got a lovely room for free. Such a cheek!

Agree that there may be comments about your son having a room all to himself too (as he should do) so hold firm!

LucklessMonster · 16/03/2017 20:42

As opposed to you, who decided to ignore the old lesson of "if you can't say anything nice..."

At least I'm not a doormat with a doormat husband, though.

rollonthesummer · 16/03/2017 21:03

And how long before it is mentioned how silly it is for your ds to have a whole bedroom to himself (not even using the bed) when people are having to bunk up on the sofa.

That's what I thought!

Moussemoose · 16/03/2017 21:14

Luckless really???

At least I'm not still in the playground. Bleerrgggh

FairytalesAreBullshit · 16/03/2017 21:28

Does it say how many people it can occupy, children included.

I guess if MIL is booking it it's on her back. We thought you were in charge. So if MIL is in charge I don't think you can say much.

Delatron · 16/03/2017 21:30

It's not about people 'being in charge'. It's a family holiday where room allocation has been agreed and paid for.