To ask why people want more than 1 child??

[Toobloodytired]

I need to ask it's been bothering me for weeks.

I'm due my first child in 5 weeks, however I am absolutely baffled as to why people want more!

Split with the father of my child (NC at all), yes we did discuss having another one for the whole sibling thing.

However, since going through the whole pregnancy alone and now being single, I am seriously questioning why I would EVER want another!

I know a lot will say oh you are single but when you meet someone new, you'll feel with him how you did your ex & want another but right now I just can't see it! Will I??

stitch and star trotting out the usual outdated stereotypes of only children that have been consistently disproved. This is exactly the kind of thing I get in real life and it's bullshit.

I don't notice the difference between oblit children and those with siblings, but f you do have an only child, you probably have to work harder on play dates etc so they do have more chance to share, interact etc.

Gosh, Star, nice work with the weaselling out of the unpleasant implications of your position. Presumably on your funny little planet only children are somehow protected from being Spoilt, Lonely Little Emperors if their parents would have liked another child but couldn't have one? Or are you suggesting that these much-loved only children their parents feel lucky to have are also bringing up badly-behaved, one-sided, lonely children? Should they perhaps not have any if they can't have two or three?

If I unpick your prejudiced assumptions, which of course aren't unique to you, it seems to come down to a suspicion that (1) parents of only children 'have it easy' and are selfish, and (2) self-congratulation that, hey, you're doing something right by selflessly providing your child with the crucial life prop of a sibling, whatever your actual parenting is like.

As I said, I chose to have a child because I wanted a family.

I wanted the family unit a hell of a lot of people have.

I wanted to have what my mum & dad had.

Naturally as a human, I just wanted a baby/child!

Agree with another PP, only children do tend to be more spoilt!

Not all of course but a lot are.

knife I've read your post about 4 times and still can't work out what the hell you're trying to say (other than write a load of big words - congrats!)

As I said, just my opinion. Granted, one that is shared (and experienced) with others.

My friends who have only one child, and are open about it, all say they are selfish and couldn't cope with more than one as it would mean sacrificing holidays/new cars/clothes etc etc, never mind the cost of childcare for two. Good for them being open about it!

Llandudno How has it been disproved? It's not outdated if it's still being experienced, is it?! You sound really touchy about it. If you're defensive about only having one, is that because it wasn't your choice and you really wanted more?

I didn't want my child to be as alone and lonely as I was. I didn't want them to have as much adult company as I had. It was the right decision for us.

I'll say this very simply, Star., because your comprehension skills seem to be causing you problems. Your imaginary friends who boast gaily that they didn't want a second child because of cars and holidays, are not speaking the shameful, materialistic truth the rest of us parents of only children will not admit to.

And you seem to be buying into the tired old stereotype that the voluntarily childfree are selfish careerists dashing about in fancy cars, while the parents of an only child are pretty much the same, only with a solitary, unhappy child. If these parents were properly selfless, like you, for instance, they'd have more than one.

Star.
There are actually posters on this thread who only have one child. Your comments are unpleasant and mean spirited. I suspect that you know that.

I think it's down to personal choice & in many cases circumstances. Life is never cut & dried, neither is having kids / relationships. It's different for everyone...
Me? I'm over 40. I'd like one child. My husband feels the same. If we'd started out earlier, who knows? This is where life has lead us.
And in your case, of course you can decide based on your current circumstances. But you certainly have listens to change your mind further down the line!

I would recommend doing some actual research into only children star rather than relying on your own anecdota.

www.jstor.org/stable/352302?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

Star your comments are unkind and unnessesary. And I suspect not entirely true.

I wanted more than one because my first is absolutely perfect and the thought of another was a joy,

whereas I am risk averse and decided to quit while I was ahead - I had a healthy happy perfect child and I wasn't sure I'd get that second time around. I'd got through pregnancy and childcare relatively unscathed - again, time to quit while I was ahead.

childBIRTH not childcare

star

I'm not sure that I agree that it's 'mean' just to have one child. It's not the word I'd use.
My feelings are influenced by my own experience as an only child, which I have found to be difficult. I don't know if there's any rational reason, choosing to have one or more. But I always knew I'd try for more than one, as I did want DS to have a sibling.

I have one child not because of materialism but because I can devote my time and love best to one child. Not selfish at all. Smart!

They don't. Many just want one. Many feel pressured into giving their first child a sibling. Many want the stereotypical 2.4 children. Society tends to look down on people who choose to only have one child as though they are somehow deficient or cruel. It's complete nonsense!

Op I have one and I'm certain I don't want another, however my circumstances are entirely different to yours. I'm still with my oh, he has two other children and he doesn't want any more. I hated pregnancy, and as much as ive enjoyed having the one (he's 10 months ) I'm entirely certain I couldn't do it all over again whilst having a toddler.

I think there are lots of great reasons to have more than one, if that's what you want. If you only want one, that's fine too.

I would say in your situation though, it's obviously stressful and I imagine you probably will feel different when things have calmed down, and maybe you will want more children if you meet someone else, but if you don't, it's not big deal!

I'll add that I was an only child until I was 17 and I loved it. I never felt lonely, but I had a lot of friends and family so I guess that probably contributed?

I remember getting a lot of attention from my mum when I was little and I liked that, when I was older and at school I had friends around a lot.

My little boy goes to nursery already so I have now worries about him not having friends, or being around children the same age as him. I intend to do what my mum did with me and have friends over a lot

He's not really an only child as his half brother lives her but he is 12 so they're not ever going to be close like a sibling a year older or younger would be.

channing I did not feel pressured into giving DS a sibling because of society. I didn't enjoy my own experience as an only child and wrongly or rightly, based my decision to have another choice upon that. Which is making assumptions about I presumed my DS's experience would be. It might not have been the same. But I am happy that DS and DD have each other.