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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask why people want more than 1 child??

169 replies

Toobloodytired · 11/03/2017 21:44

I need to ask it's been bothering me for weeks.

I'm due my first child in 5 weeks, however I am absolutely baffled as to why people want more!

Split with the father of my child (NC at all), yes we did discuss having another one for the whole sibling thing.

However, since going through the whole pregnancy alone and now being single, I am seriously questioning why I would EVER want another!

I know a lot will say oh you are single but when you meet someone new, you'll feel with him how you did your ex & want another but right now I just can't see it! Will I??

OP posts:
hibbledobble · 12/03/2017 00:12

Yanbu to only want one, though this may qell change with time and with your circumstances.

Yabu to question other's decisions.

Miniwookie · 12/03/2017 00:16

I enjoyed pregnancy, childbirth and having a baby and wanted to do it again and again. It also felt like a strong biological urge. I sometimes wish I'd had fewer kids as it is exhausting and I do feel they miss out on the attention they would get if I only had one or two. I can totally see why people stop at one.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/03/2017 00:25

Because growing up an only child was boring and pretty crap. I remember going to school on my first day as being the first time I had ever seen anyone my age in the same room as me.

My 2 have the kind of relationship I could only dream about.

Original poster
Toobloodytired · 12/03/2017 01:15

I wouldn't ask why anyone wants more than one friend, simply because you don't have to physically raise your friend, you don't have to pay for them, lose sleep.

Maybe more people have much more patience than I do.

OP posts:
Goondoit · 12/03/2017 01:56

I think only children are becoming more and more common. In my social groups as well as close friends we all have one Child.
.personally I think it must be nice to have a close relationship with a sibling. Mind is nearly 6 years younger than me and we never had anything in common and we are not close at all now...we're at very different life points and it's hard to connect

Maybe if my sibling was closer in age and we go on more I'd feel differently but I do t see at all what a sibling would enhance to dd life

The only thing that makes me feel sad is my dh's brother is married to a wonderful woman who I am so happy to be my sil and my own dc won't have that relationship....

Original poster
Toobloodytired · 12/03/2017 02:04

I'm one of 6.

I don't speak to sister or brother

I obviously see the younger 3, as they are much much younger than me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toobloodytired · 12/03/2017 02:07

However, before the youngest 3 case along, I lived with my mother "as an only child" for a few months & absolutely loved it! Was pretty down when my brother and sister came back.

Then my mum had 3 more brothers, wouldn't change them for the world probably because they aren't dickheads like my brother and sister are!

OP posts:
SchnitzelVonCrumb · 12/03/2017 02:23

Another only child who hated it.

Then my mum had my sister when I was 13. I loved her more than anything but due to bizarre parenting on my mums part my sister and I never talk. She won't even say hi to my children when she walks in the door. It breaks my heart

Pitchforktotheface · 12/03/2017 06:25

I don't get why people have more than one either, I am completely amazed and quite frankly baffled by the strength of desire (broody-ness?) that causes people to want more. I know people who have had awful labours, dreadful pregnancies, multiple miscarriages, still births, a mix of all of them and yet they still want more. I had a fine pregnancy, no real issues, a horrible birth but even before that I knew I didn't want more than one, but now I can't imagine having more, one is waaaaay more than enough!

I think people who have more, knowing what having one is like are nuts. But I appreciate that everyone's experience is different and not everyone hates motherhood or is bothered by the lack of sleep, social life, and the ruination of their body/ relationship/ career/ health. I also realise that not everyone even views it as I do.

Some people just have such a strong desire to have more kids that it trumps everything else. I don't get it, I've never experienced it.

skerrywind · 12/03/2017 06:37

OP you don't even have one child atm, so this is all conjecture.

I could equally ask why do people even have one child.

skerrywind · 12/03/2017 06:38

Some people just have such a strong desire to have more kids that it trumps everything else. I don't get it, I've never experienced it.

So why have any children?

Minesril · 12/03/2017 06:45

I vividly rememeber every second of ds hideous birth and i remember every second of his time in nicu. Never again!

Plus...only ever really wanted one anyway.

I do seem to be at the stage of my life when everyone is having their 2nd, which does give me a little...twinge. but that's all!

The only other person i've talked to who only wants 1 had an even worse birth than me! Not everyone 'forgets'.

damnedgrubble · 12/03/2017 06:46

Because I was an only child born to parents who didn't want children and I was alone most of the time. I didn't want that for s child of mine.

gaaahhhh · 12/03/2017 06:47

Because having a little baby who loves you and is always there for cuddles is amazing. I am really looking forward to having another for more of this.

Also my child will be that much older than the new baby so can spend lots of time playing and entertaining the baby so I think ibn a way it will be easier. I spend all my time reading books,talking to and playing with my baby now, love it but will be easier when I have a willing helper next time round! Hopefully willing!!

Figgygal · 12/03/2017 06:54

I can't stand my brother he's selfish rude and will drive my parents into an early grave so definitely didn't do it due to sibling sentimentality

I don't know why I had another 2 felt right to me dh needed convincing. We have 2 boys and I hope they will be close and have shared interests but there is a 5 year gap so we will see.

Ds1 loves his baby brother though it's beautiful to watch them together

Pitchforktotheface · 12/03/2017 06:54

skerrywind because abortion wasn't for me and DH really wanted a kid.

skerrywind · 12/03/2017 06:58

Pitchforktotheface I assume your child is not the product of rape however.

graciestocksfield · 12/03/2017 07:04

Because DD1 is lovely and ace so why shouldn't we want bring another lovely and ace little person into the world? Plus I was very lucky to find pregnancy and birth very straightforward, though we have not pushed that luck beyond two DDs. We could afford it, have a solid relationship, family support and both DDs are very loved. There weren't any reasons not to have more that one. However there were a number of reasons not to have three or more children, so we didn't.

Onegreatday · 12/03/2017 07:06

Mainly because I think it's good for siblings to have each other particularly in middle-later life. No there's no guarantees they'll be friends but there's more chance of it than none (which is what you get with a single child).

Writerwannabe83 · 12/03/2017 07:12

Were having my a second one to give DS a sibling.

When DS was born and for about 18 months afterwards our plan was to only have one child but as DS grew up and started mixing with other children I saw just how much I didn't want him to grow up alone.

I remember once when he was about two and we were at the park and he was just standing still watching a group of three other siblings play together and I could see how much he wanted to be a part of that and I knew I wanted him to have someone to share his childhood with.

I really didn't think I worked be that bothered about DS being an only but as he started to turn into his own little person and he wasn't just a baby anymore I realised how important giving him a sibling actually was to me.

Groovee · 12/03/2017 07:13

I always wanted 3 children. My siblings were born in a 4 year span. I arrived when they were 14,13 and 11. I always knew I wanted more than one child and that I wanted them close together. Dd and Ds are 2 years 9 months apart.

Charley50 · 12/03/2017 07:40

I have only one child but wanted three. However when I split with DS dad when DS was 5 months old (he as EA and frequent threats of violence) I couldn't imagine wanting sex ever again, let alone a relationship or more kids.
I've been with my current partner for 10 years. We don't have children together as I didn't want another one enough, for various reasons. This thread is making me feel sad though. Good luck with your baby Op. Try and make friends with lots of new Mum's like you'll be, so you can enjoy endure the first year together.

wowbutter · 12/03/2017 07:49

I nearly got sterilised after having my first dc. I honestly never ever thought I would want another pregnancy, birth or baby again.
Fast forward to having a four year old, and being surrounded by newborns, I started to ache for another.
Your perspective is spewed at the moment. It may stay that way, it may not.
I wanted another child as seeing this little being turn into an amazing person was so much fun, I wanted to do it again.

Deadsouls · 12/03/2017 07:51

I was an only child and hated being an 'only'. I always longed for a sibling so I knew that if I ever had children I'd have more than one.

I'm happy for my 2 DCs that they have each other. They play together, keep each other company and are incredibly close, of course, they squabble and that did drive me mad.

I'm now a single mother, but wasn't when I had my kids. It's entirely personal isn't it and can be influenced by our own experience of our upbringing. I found the first 3 years with two very stressful though.

bookwormnerd · 12/03/2017 07:53

I wanted more than one because my first is absolutly perfect and the thought of another was a joy, I wanted her to have sibling, my sisters were my best friends growing up (know this is not always the case but as my children are growing up they are best friends at moment) I wanted them to have each other and I had always wanted more than one. I love children and they make my life better. I love a noisy house filled with laughter of playing children. I think its about what works for your family. One child can be as happy so think it is what works for you

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