to be very upset by this comment?

[TiredyMcTired]

Back story...My son is adopted, we love him very very much and he's our world. We suffered infertility and after years of ttc and 2 cycles of IVF we started our adoption journey. We were very open and all our family and friends know our story. He has so far been the only grandchild in the family.

My sister has just had her first child and we are all delighted at the arrival of our new family member. I was out today buying cards and some presents before we see the new baby (I love babies and was so excited) I bumped into a family friend. Friend asked about the new baby, and commented that my parents must be delighted at the "birth of their first grandchild". I was speechless, had to just walk away and go back to the car to cry with shock and anger This person knows our son and I am beyond devastated that they obviously feel like he isn't a legitimate family member.

I want to call the person who made the comment to tell them how insensitive it was, but DH doesn't want me to. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to let this person know how much they have upset me? I don't want them repeating this sort of comment to anyone else and implying that my much loved son is second fiddle now that the new baby is here

Tiredy, having read the full thread for the upset that horrible woman has caused you, for ringing her up and for you and your family. Reading your description of your family life brought tears to my eyes. You are obviously a wonderful Mum. I hope you can steer clear of this woman now who showed her true colours. She should be ashamed of herself. Enjoy the snuggles with the new baby. I bet your DS will love being a big cousin!

Kew thanks for sharing too, that photo made me grin! Your Mum sounds like an incredible woman.

Well done for making the call Tired. It's the start of their education hopefully.

Don't dwell on it yourself & congrats on the new nibling 🎉🎈

Adoptive parent also.... I feel your pain OP and always think of things to say after the event. All kids are a gift biological or not, you don't love them any less. Keep your chin up xxx

I did read your update tiredy, did you say they meant what they said in that they meant first 'real' grandchild? If so, I agree this is wrong, but still could be badly expressed as meaning first grand'baby'. A few other posters also wondered if they were referring to birth/baby also.
You didn't say how old ds was when you adopted?

I'm neither adopted or an adoptee but it really does my swede in when people say this is so & so's adopted daughter rather than this is so & so's daughter.
An example of this is when the actress/cook Lisa Faulkner is interviewed in a magazine nearly 9 times out of 10 her daughter Billie is referred to as Lisa's adopted daughter!
Ffs Billie is Lisa's daughter, just because she didn't come out of Lisa's vagina or abdomen doesn't make Billie less of a daughter. Billie isn't artificial like a doll, she's a human being. She is Lisa's real daughter & Lisa is her real Mum.
It's like someone saying to me that I must be sad not giving birth naturally just because I had a caesarian. Well I didn't have an artificial birth with an artificial baby did I? DD just came out a different way just needed a bit more help.

Tiredy 'm sorry that you had to put up with hearing what this so called family friend said. You were right for calling him/her up on what they said.

Jelly: if that was the (still pretty insensitive / warped and certainly totally unnecessary) intention of the friend's comments then she could have explained that, and acknowledged that it was insensitive, and apologised for upsetting the OP.

She did none of those things. She stuck by what she said and blamed the Op.

OK Soul, was just offering another view that it is possible this is what the friend thought, and she expressed it particularly insensitively as the first 'real' grandchild rather than the first baby grandchild. I am assuming this as (unless I have missed it) OP hasn't yet said how old ds was at adoption and it sounds as if he was a few yes old ie not yet with the family while a baby. Hence the first baby grandchild. Not the first 'real' grandchild. It's just my opinion, as I know how difficult it can be to express what you mean clearly sometimes, especially when flustered.

jelly
My son was a baby when we brought him home, 11 months.

Well in that case, I don't understand her making that comment at all! Thx for clearing that up

I don't see why his age when he came home is relevant. He was the first grandchild.
My son was nearly 8 when he came home. He is equal to all the other grandchildren and actually has the closest relationship with the grandparents.

I explained why I might have thought that. It was relevant to what I thought she might have meant, but expressed badly. Obviously this wasn't the case.

Kewcumber that picture warms my heart!

Tiredy I'm so sorry that person was such a twat