Judge's warning to drunk women

[FirstShinyRobe]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-39233617

AIBU to think she had a marvellous platform with her retirement speech to issue instead a warning to men not to rape women?

birdsdestiny. Add

•don't act stupid to prove your unprovable point
•don't blame all men for the worlds ills
•don't cherry pick data to prove you unprovable point.

to that list.

I'll be in touch when I think of more, ta.

have a relationship with a man
one night stands
sex
talking to a man
being in the same room/space as a man

All the above pose risks to the woman.

Going for a run in the middle of the day should not be classed as a risky, reckless endeavour.

I think the dangerous thing about this thread is the shutting down od dialogue.

Those of us who dare to suggest that we have mechanisms to improve our safety are jumped upon and accused of victim blaming.

The truth is the world can be an ugly place. Violence and sexual violence will always exist.
Victims are not to blame.
While we need to promote a zero tolerance we also need to reduce our own vulnerability.
Unfortunately.
To do otherwise is idealistic.

What should then be classed as 'a risky, reckless endeavour' then?

Provide us women with the answer!

I went on a long backpacking hike on the Ridgeway once- I was on my own for a week, walking alone during the day in isolated places. Something a man wouldn't think twice about doing. Something I could only do if I accepted that I was taking a risk. I took that risk. Why should women limit themselves and avoid experiences because men rape? IMO we shouldn't limit our behaviour. Rape is not ever our fault and is far likely to happen at home than out drunk.

I went walking on Dartmoor as a holiday on my own. I was told by friends that this was very risky. I replied would you have said the same thing to a man of my age? The question made them think and the reply was always no. They would not have had that chat.

I am streetwise and I am always assessing risk. BUT- I was raped repeatedly within my own family- not out there whilst drinking among starngers. And the only times I have experienced abuse outside the home I couldn't have avoided by changing my own behaviour- once when playing out on a local common with a friend (9 years old) and once when I was an adult and was followed home from work at 5pm in broad daylight. In both of those cases I'm delighted to say I got away from the men in question before anything happened.

Why should women limit themselves and avoid experiences because men rape? IMO we shouldn't limit our behaviour.

You would be eating your words very quickly if you lived in a country where women have very little rights and the law is so unenforceable. You must live in an ideal world to do as you please.
It's only sensible advice to be in a position to make decisions that protect yourself.

I don't know! It's not me arguing that women should constantly modify their behaviour in order to hopefully avoid a rapist. If this worked rape would be very rare wouldn't it.

I don't drink to excess when I'm out because I always want to be responsible for myself and in control and able to get myself home. But I don't expect not drinking to excess to prevent me being attacked by a predatory male.

we also need to reduce our own vulnerability. Unfortunately.

How can 'we' do this (and by we, I'm assuming you mean women), without becoming invisible?

DoingThisRight Clearly I'm only able to talk from the frame of reference in which I live myself- and yes, of course, if you live in a country where women are, for example, not supposed to even go outside the home without being covered and with the chaperone of a male family member then things are very different for you. But in the UK women are supposed to have equal rights with men to socialise freely.

Was I wrong to take that hike alone along the Ridgeway then?

Despite the OPs attempts the steer the discussion, and my and many other posters posts about the fact that rape is often not in a dark alley after a night out drinking, that is still what is being focused on. The wider repercussions of this judges statements have been ignored by many posters including you skerry. I think that is a far worse and more dangerous shutting down of discussion than a disinclination to talk about reducing alcohol consumption as a 'safety measure'.

one woman on this thread has said 'if I had not have been drinking I wouldn't have been raped'. ONE. And yet how many posters have said they have been raped? Over five I'm sure, maybe closer to ten.

So why oh why oh why is the focus STILL and ALWAYS on women drinking, on women's behaviour. It makes no sense!

I think the answer is to ask men what they are going to do about male violence towards women and children- it is their problem not ours

How can 'we' do this (and by we, I'm assuming you mean women), without becoming invisible?

That's quite a leap! Don't get blathered to oblivion on drugs or alcohol = become invisible. Really?

I have read the entire thread thanks opal

Lots of stretches on here you are quite right

But boy was that one a doozie

It is their problem not ours

Which is exactly the OPs point Joy. Absolutely the judge should have given her last thoughts on the words you just printed.

I do hope you enjoyed your walk alone. I certainly did.

I think the answer is to ask men what they are going to do about male violence towards women and children- it is their problem not ours

That's a much more succinct version of what I was trying to say in my early hours post.

If I had been raped on that solo walk along the Ridgeway I am quite confident I would have been blamed for being out there on my own. For goodness sake, in common with many girls and women, I was blamed for being sexually abused within my own family!
Women. and how they choose to dress, move and behave in what is supposed to be a free and equal society, are never to blame for rape, and cannot protect themselves from rape by modifying their behaviour.

Elendon I loved my walk thank you!

It is a male problem though. Rape is a male problem, because they do it, and men should be working to eliminate it. Everyday, every hour, every minute. It should be in their minds constantly to allow women, fellow humans, to walk this planet freely. Men should also be doing something about male violence on males. It's certainly their problem.

I had some work in a local primary school last summer. The most direct route to the school for me is over a stretch of lonely waste ground and across a railway bridge. For quite a few days I happily made that walk- always knowing I was taking a risk Then I started feeling uneasy about it and decided to take a bus a longer route around instead. That has often been my experience- I go with my own hunch about things and take the risk if it feels OK and don't if I feel uneasy. BUT- it is really really infuriating to have to keep thinking like this!!!! I've been thinking like for 46 years!!!