To contact his mum?

[saltyshoes]

When DH was 17 he got a girl pregnant at Uni having a one night stand. She left Uni to have the baby and wanted nothing to do with DH. There was some doubt as to whether DH was the father at all. Three years later a social worker contacted DH and told him the mum wanted to marry and wanted her partner to adopt the boy. DH gave up his parental rights so the boy could be adopted by the mums partner.

That boy is now in his 20s and we have children together. Oldest DD has always known about her half-brother existed. She has turned 14 and is now on Facebook and has found him. She is very keen to contact him. DH is very hesitant as he's not even sure the boy knows he's adopted as the mum didn't want him to know. DH wrote to the mum but has never had a reply. I've explained to DD that this all very sensitive and could be upsetting but she's 14 and just doesn't get it and feels she didn't sign off on not contacting him. I'm afraid she's going to send him a message and feel like it might be best if I try to contact the mum to see if she will respond to me? Or should DH contact the boy?

DH doesn't want to upset him but is unsure what on earth is the best way forward. A random message from DD is surely not the best first contact?

I agree Borders and it did have consequences. Turned out that there were other family members that he saw on a regular basis who were complicit in all of the lies over the years. It all became hugely complicated, and has gone on to affect the the children that we had together. It's never ending

Just had a google i thought that woman was Keely Hawes oops

Sorry wrong thread

I'm shocked at the vitriol being dished out to this child

I agree.

She's not the one who fabricated this situation in the first place. Her father is the one ultimately responsible for it all as he created these two children.

The DD's reaction is probably pretty normal under the circumstances. Does that mean she should contact this guy now? No, of course not. But her desire to is understandable. Presumably when she's 18 and a legal adult she'll be free to contact him anyway without her father's consent, so this is probably just delaying the inevitable.