Hijacking from another thread where someone mentioned inheritance...

[btfly2]

I think it would be an interesting thing to know how many of you already have inheritance from your parents sorted. Or how many of you think what exactly you are going to receive from your family when that moment arrives. My parents already sorted everything in their will for my brother and I. We know exactly what to expect and we both are very thankful and kind of lucky I guess. Aibu to believe is important to know what your inheritance is going to be? Curious about your experience and opinions.

Yes I know. It is discussed often, but raised by my mother as a discussion to ensure we all feel it's fair.

The values are in the millions so it seems sensible, she was the same way with her father, it was all very openly discussed as you need to learn to take over the ropes etc.

I know how my Parents intend to split their estates, but am fully aware how quickly assets can be eaten up by care home bills. In fact, they gave me a copy of their will for info when the time comes, but despite being noisier than Mrs Mangle, the envelope is still sealed as it was when they gave it to me.
I know that DfIL has had a convo about his will with Dh, and DMIL's will presumably will be very straightforward.
But it's not occurred to me to tot up any likely or potential value. I think that would be very rude and crass behaviour.

Lots of people won't be taking care costs into account because they have made provisions (via a discretionary trust) to protect their assets

I think that people will find that the rules around this get tighter and tighter as social care funds get (even more) pressed. In any case: getting your care 'for free' has a trade-off. Again, to use the example of my husband's grandmother: when his parents and aunt were looking at a home for her after a hospital stay where it become apparent that her staying home wasn't an option, the homes they looked at were massively varying in atmosphere, quality of accommodation and reputation. Because she was paying for it herself they (with input from her, as far as possible) could choose one they were happy with and which seemed well-suited to her and her needs. They did think about trying to stick to one within the local authority budget (because of fears of the difficulty of her having to move if the money ran out) but they really didn't like any that fell into that category. I can't really see any reason why a person would actively choose to strip themselves of that choice when they have the money.

We (my siblings and I) have made it very clear that we do not want an inheritance - We don't care what our mum does with her money but we do not want it coming to us or the grandchildren.

Instead we want the things that actually mean something, the knick knacks that originally belonged to our great grandmother, the photo albums, our mum's "cheap" but beautiful jewellery, all of her "heirlooms" that in monetary terms are worth nothing but for sentimental reasons mean everything.

I am very against "inheritance", I find it distasteful etc etc, each to their own I suppose but we'd rather pay our own way in this world even if it means never having any spare for luxuries.

Not a clue on my side. Anyway we have made sure that we are financially independent and our plans do not include relying on any inheritance. Us and my siblings are fairly well off and another is on minimum wage but ok - living in a nice house, horses etc, so don't think it will be split equally, more to even things up a bit.
My side have given a fair amount away over the years, so nobody needs to feel hard done by.

DH's side have also given money away already and mil is always saying she believes in a fair split between DH and sibling.
We have already benefited from inheritances from GP's so any money we come into we will give most to DC and carry on the tradition of giving as much money away as we can and helping them when they need it most, well before we die if possible.

Both parents fairly asset rich but also fairly young, in their sixties.

I've told both of them (not together anymore) that if they want to take my feelings/wishes into account, it's that they spend all their money enjoying their sundown years.

Getting an inheritance is only a salve to losing a parent when you know they lived to the fullest and the remainder became yours.

(A salve is the wrong word, but you know what I mean!)

I don't think its tasteless to discuss what parents have planned, in the case of my family it's just practical. DM and my stepdad have drawn up very specific wills to take into account our family situation. Stepdad's first wife died, my stepbrother and sister have had their inheritance from her when stepdad sold his home, also my DB has had part of his "inheritance" already as they helped him buy a house. All this is taken into account in their silks, they have been very clear and open and at pains to make sure none of us are disadvantaged.
I think DM. and stepdad are happier that everyone knows where they stand.

I know what my parents wills say - I'm an only child, they're divorced, and thanks to a complicated series of events I'm likely to inherit from four or five people. I'm not expecting anything, though; who knows what care they'll need?

I don't think it's crass or tasteless at all to discuss it or be aware of someone's wishes. I hope I don't but if they become incapable I'll end up with power of attorney over their affairs and treatment because there's simply nobody else to do it. I know what they want roughly in terms of medical intervention too, if it goes that way. How can I possibly know that I'm advocating for them to the best of my ability if I don't know what they want?

Of course I don't know sums: it could be nothing. I'm financially independent and a future inheritance doesn't factor into my planning. If they change their minds and give it all to charity instead, it's their money. But it's not tasteless to know their wishes and to have legal documentation backing that up, no.

There is nothing wrong with parents discussing their plans for wills or inheritance with their children. In fact it is important that people have a will, a living will and powers of attorney in place for their later years so that if decisions have to be made things are less stressful on the family. It is also good financial planning to consider things like inheritance tax and future care needs. Involving your family in these decisions really does make life easier and allows sensible decisions to be made. Perhaps there are children or grandchildren who would benefit from having some of the money now or perhaps a child is already wealthy and would prefer to see the money go to someone else instead.

I really don't understand why people think it's grabby to discuss these things with their parents. Why must tip toe around and never mention money for fear of causing offence. It is a fact that people die and it is a fact that they usually leave their estate to their children. If we had more honest conversations about this stuff it might prompt better planning and decision making with less stress and burden on those left behind.

Yabu. What if your parents have to sell up tonpau for their care when they are elderly?

Yabu to plan to inherit anything IMHO.

I think it is very selfish and often immature of those adults who won't make a will. There's no good reason for not doing so.

There is an assumption that no one should expect inheritance because all older people will have to sell up to pay for residential care. Some may have to, some may never need residental care, some have made provisions for this, some have assets other than the family home. It's not just about expecting or assuming inheritance its about making clear plans. This is exactly why conversations need to be had, so things are clear to all concerned.

My parents died 8.5 years apart - my dad recently, so the "split" between myself and my two sisters is about to happen.

They had sold their house a year before my mother died (2008)!and had been extremely generous to us all- probably gifting around £25k each over the last ten years. They rented a ground floor flat after that.

I got a few rings off my mother, one of them worth a couple of thousand pounds. Makes no difference though as it's not coming off me until the day I die.

My father was in the process of going from hospital to care but sadly died before he could be transferred I had no issue with whatever was left paying for his care.

As it is he left enough to cover his funeral and a nice amount of money is coming to each of us - I told him time and time again to enjoy himself and see the world and he did holiday up until 2012 until he felt physically unable to. He was always very proud he could give money to his children and was very fair about it. He also was always very open about money.

As we have no children I have left my estate to firstly my husband and after him everything to my best friend and her family. I do have a sister who has children but until dealing with my father's illness and death I haven't seen Her in ages so have made no provisions for them.

We have paid our mortgage off so may even pull an equity release and travel in ten years time.....

I know my pils have savings and assets totalling around a quarter of a million (DH has a sibling)

But neither of them are in good health and they are both accusing each other of showing signs of dementia. So I fully expect those assets to be depeleted if not non existent.

Oh and sorry!

I had some shousehold items from my father's place.

Spent great pleasure in selecting photos between us and putting mine into a beautiful photo album I bought this afternoon! Lovely :-)

My parents have been discussing this for a while now. They have quite significant assets but as they live in another country without NHS and are not qualified for health insurance, there is an understanding that they will sell the assets for care and health purpose (as it should be), whatever is left will be split evenly between me and DSis.

I don't like talking about $$ in general so it is never an easy conversation to have. I know most likely me and DSis will be taken care of well but I'd rather they keep the money and live a very long, happy life and spend it on themselves.

This does remind me that me and DH need to create a will. We are childless at the moment and struggling with infertility, I do not want to leave any penny to my SIL or BIL. Both are against everything I believe in. SIL tried to con us out of FIL's inheritance which wasn't even that much, because we didn't just accept her 'plan', she was cold for many years. And BIL is a lazy bastard. I'd rather leave my money to niece and nephew and possibly surprise some close friends who have been there for me.

I know my parents regretted they didn't look into options when my grandmother needed care home and just arranged for the house to be sold, then the capital was run down. It was only much later they realised the rental value of the house would have more than covered the care home fees, if they'd have arranged that rather than a sale it would protected the asset value.

As well as "do you have a will?" Conversations like this are worth having now, not later when you/your parents/ your siblings are going through a stressful time.

Old age and death happens - not thinking through the issues won't change that, it'll just mean you aren't as well prepared as a family as you could be.

I couldn't agree more FarAwayHills, the mess and fighting and stress som people leave behind!

There is an assumption that simply talking about it - means your grabby and you want every penny of parents money.

No. As you say its good planning and good administration. POWER of Attorney is critical, setting out wishes for dementia care etc is critical.

YY Kitten.

DH's parents have made provisions for what I will be guessing DH and his sister. His uncle has also made provisions for DH, his sister and his cousins sons. Uncle has no children or partner.

DM had written a will that split everything between my brother and me. My brother has since died but she hasn't changed her will. I think she wants to, so a 50:50 split between me and my DB's son. She's worried that if DSIL gets married DB's money will become DSILS partners. She hasn't looked into it because she feels this is a snub to DSIL but it's really not.

Yes absolutely nothing as they don't own property and have no savings
I'm grateful they have pre paid funerals arranged as I would struggle to pay for that
DM has promised me her engagement and eternity rings and I will be happy with that
My brother will get my Dads watch
Hopefully they will live many more years - they already live in sheltered accommodation so hopefully will be able to stay there as long as possible

I didnt want to have this conversation because it means looking at a future without someone, and that's tough, also my parents finances are none of my business, I hope they spend as much as they can and enjoy the fruits of their labour

my parents are divorced, and both remarried they haven't had more children so just me and db. Dad quite wealthy but db and I are nc with him so don't expect anything

DM is married to someone quite a bit younger than her, she wants to leave me and db something though so her and dsf have made wills with provision for db and I, no idea what is in it, but I do know that there are quite a few personal items for us and our dd's.

My DM has told me that she has left half her assets to me and half to my DB's children in trust. My DB has a history of crazy business schemes and has had some fairly major fallings out with DM too hence the unequal division (she trusts me to invest wisely for my DCs apparently!).

She was advised by her solicitor that my DB needs to know now rather than find out on her death and battle me.

Of course as PPs have said it may be eaten up by care home etc.

My DF hasn't said but I wouldn't be surprised if he had contemplated something similar. He does not think any more than my DM of my DB's money sense.

*As well as "do you have a will?" Conversations like this are worth having now, not later when you/your parents/ your siblings are going through a stressful time.

Old age and death happens - not thinking through the issues won't change that, it'll just mean you aren't as well prepared as a family as you could be.*

^
This

It's not about 'how much am I going to get', it's about preparation and openness. Having a parent fall ill or die suddenly turns life upside down. Aside dealing with the sadness, the stress of dealing with their affairs and finances is immense. Why would any parent not want to do things that would minimise the stress in this situation?