Hijacking from another thread where someone mentioned inheritance...

[btfly2]

I think it would be an interesting thing to know how many of you already have inheritance from your parents sorted. Or how many of you think what exactly you are going to receive from your family when that moment arrives. My parents already sorted everything in their will for my brother and I. We know exactly what to expect and we both are very thankful and kind of lucky I guess. Aibu to believe is important to know what your inheritance is going to be? Curious about your experience and opinions.

I'm getting 25% of my parents estate. How much that is will depend on how much is left. I do keep telling them to bloody spend it though.
My brothers However are getting less as they have kids and I dont, but I don't think they are aware of that. They won't give a shiny shit as it happens but their wives will!

DH will probably lose out in favour of his sister but he's always been the disappointing child in his mother's eyes so accepted that possibility a long time ago.

All my mum has said is that she won't do a will - there is just me and my brother and she just says she wants her house selling and everything dividing equally between the 2 of us. She has a nice house, a good pension and has always lived comfortably. And then there is my brother who is a scrounging loser who lives in her house for free and pays her nothing. He has a job but never has any money. He has taken over her car because she doesn't feel confident driving anymore. She still pays tax and insurance for it because she says it is her car/her responsibility. She gives him petrol money and buys him beer and fags. She says he doesn't have money because is a very popular single man who has a lot of friends and needs to go out and socialise. He is nearly 50. She is 83 and still cooks him tea. I suspect he will do everything he can to make the house his.

So, I'm not expecting anything and I don't want anything either - I'd rather have my mum. I have asked her to come and live with us but she won't leave him because she says he couldn't manage on his own. I'm not going to tell her that her son is a twat, she probably knows it but having a conversation like that would upset her and cause her too much stress.

At the end of the day it's her money and I would never speak to her about it. It isn't something that would sit comfortably with me.

@olderthanyouthink

"What happens if you retire blow all your money on holidays and then need a council care home? Do they just have to take you? How it that different to gifting away your money first?"

If you spend all your money on holidays etc then yes the council will pick up your care bill, though you won't get much/if any say on the home you put in.

However if you gift the money away and the Council have reason to believe you have done so simply to avoid paying costs yourself/from your estate then they are legally allowed to go after that money and claim it back to offset your care costs.

Planning to get round care home costs is a very fine line to walk and should only be undertaken with the advice of an independent financial advisor.

My parents sold their house and gave DBro and I a lump sum each, they now rent a bungalow and are budgeting to spend the rest before they become too frail to enjoy it. if they need care I have no idea what happens, I think they're hoping to go suddenly.

My dad left £300,000 20 years ago, split equally between 2 siblings. No care home as he died in a hospice.
We had no idea what his estate was..We knew he had lots of shares which he bought in the eighties.

Aibu to believe is important to know what your inheritance is going to be?

No one knows. Care home fees may take it all!

I expect to get 50% of anything left.

I never expected to inherit anything from my mum. She was disabled so it seemed likely that everything would be spent on her care. She died unexpectedly last year age 60 and my sisters and I are each inheriting substantial sums.

I would give it all back in a heartbeat to have my mum back.

@notangelinajolie

All my mum has said is that she won't do a will - there is just me and my brother and she just says she wants her house selling and everything dividing equally between the 2 of us

Oh no you need to tell her its not that simple, she will die "intestate" it wont necessarily be spit between you both. As long as she knows that. You won't be able to do probate ( sell her house etc) you will have to prove there i no will first and trawl and write to all solicitors and advertise and all sorts to ask if they have your dm will. You wont be in control of anything....it will have to go through long lenghty expensive processes. All she has to go is make a will - even homemade to say her wishes and avoid all this. You can get will pack from WH smith or - look on groupon, or MN does it for about 140.

You will of course with no will - probably be unable to access funds to pay for her funeral which even basic comes to 4 - 5 grand.

Second that. It can take up to five years...

Yep and your db would probably have to leave the house.

My mum and stepdad have worked it out so that stepsibs and I all get the same, based on the fact that they own their house equally and Stepdad has more savings from before their marriage than Mum does, so his assets divided by stepsibs is equal to her assets all going to me. How that works if one substantially outlives the other and has higher care costs, I don't know and don't really mind, it's their money and they might well need it. I do appreciate that they have thought about fairness and made arrangements that they think fair at the time of making them.

Contentious on DH's side. 1 of 3 siblings. MIL gifted youngest sibling £150K to buy a flat 2 yrs ago. The other 2 siblings disapproved and voiced their discontent and got nowhere (They received nowt!). Simmering resentment abounds - it's not happy families. It wouldn't surprise me if MIL left everything to her favoured youngest. She seems to be surprised by the amount of hurt she has caused with her favouritism. I keep my distance for the most part which seems to be the best way of dealing with it. BIL mentions bitterly about when is she going to change her will to reflect that fact the youngest sibling has had in effect, a £150K inheritance in advance at the detriment of the other 2 siblings. I think that has fallen on deaf ears.....

My mum died when i was 20 and i live with my dad who doesn't work because he is my full time carer. We live on my benefits from my disability and his carers allowance, we rely on my credit card, so there's definitely no money. The house is old, has a lot of repairs it needs (no heating/hot water, damp and mold problems, bathroom window rotten and surprised it's still in the wall tbh, possible subsidence judging by the long crack in the plaster of the kitchen wall) My parents did look into possibly moving in 2005 and the house was only worth about 85k then, probably less now.

There is a small chance i might inherit from my grandmother (mums mum) depending on how her will is written. Whatever my mum would have inherited will either be split between her 3 siblings, or might pass down to be split between me and sister. The former is almost certainly the reality (especially if my mums oldest sibling has anything to say about it, she actually vocally complained to people about her FIL spending his own hard earned money in his final years because it would "Cut down my inheritance!") she is money oriented, selfish, self centred and despite being comfortably off in her retirement due to her and her husband having had well paying careers, would absolutely begrudge anyone else get the money besides her. I had a falling out with said aunt in November and all the family jumped to her defence and got nasty with me so i cut contact with them all, so even if i was in my grandmothers will i'll bet i'm not anymore.
She is pretty well off, had 10k in a bank account in each of her kids names along with 30k premium bonds in each of her kids names. (Only know this as my mum got £1500 early so we could buy a new living room suite, and the winning cheques from the bonds in my mums name got posted here, and had to be cashed out when she died which was given to my dad as her spouse which he obviously gave back to my gran) Not sure what she had/has in her own name, but she is now in ill health, severe tummy pains that no amount of tests and explorations has found a cause of, early stage dementia (Selfish aunt vocally complaining about not putting her life on hold to help care for her own mum) so whilst she is still living independently in her own home (2 bed end terrace across road from a catholic primary, fairly good condition with mod cons so about 100k or so maybe, only a few streets away from us) she is currently needing carers in twice a day to make sure she eats and takes medication, she will likely need to go into assisted living at some point in the not to distant future, so her assets likely to be pretty wiped out if anything left at all.

I miss her, couldn't care less if i don't get a single penny from her, and i find it sickening the way my aunt acts. My gran and late grandad worked hard and earned all that money, she should use it to make her own life as comfortable as possible, all her living children have their own homes, cars, live comfortably and aren't short of money.

If I'm honest I can't bear to think about my parents dying so would hate to have a discussion with them about inheritance. I just want them to use their money during their lives to have the best life they can.

@Violetcharlotte you don't need to discuss inheritance with them but you should at least ask if they have made a Will, where it is kept and any specific requests re funerals.

I made a joke if it with my dad, I told him if he didn't write down some basic funeral plans I would play The Bay City Rollers (who I know he hates) at the service! He agreed to put something down in writing for me after that!

We know roughly - my parents are splitting everything equally between my brother and me. Then wanted to talk to us first so we knew the plans - I have 2 DCs but brother has none and won't be having any. So if I die before my parents, my 'share' gets split between my children, held in trust, but if my brother dies before my parents, I get everything. They wanted to talk to us first because they were worried there would be upset that if anything happened to me, my family still got my share but brother's DP won't get anything if brother has died. Felt a very morbid conversation but glad it was had. (brother and his DP were perfectly happy with it.)

Also they sold up the big family home a few years ago and bought 3 flats, they also have a holiday home overseas that the currently live in, so all 3 flats are rented out. The 'plan' is that if they get to the stage of needing care, the income from 2 of the flats will be used to pay care home directly and the one who doesn't need care will live in the 3rd (or possibly sell up the holiday home and buy a 4th property). The rental income from the 2 flats is currently more than care home fees, so this should mean with pensions and other things, the properties won't need to be sold if they need care. (This has had to be planned for as both of my Mums parents had dementia and need care from either family or homes for the last few years of their lives, so she expects the same will happen to her).

that said they are both in rude health in their mid-60s, so I wouldn't expect to get anything for a looonnnngggg time. It certainly doesn't factor into my family's financial planning.

For my parents I know everything will be split between us dc, but I also know it will be bits and bobs, not really monetary, and I'd much rather have them around than any bits and bobs.

My pil, well, dh will likely get nothing from their rather decent estate seeing as we've been nc for about 7 years. Doubt our dc will either. If they do it'll probably be only one of our dc and exclude the other as usual. Their favourite own dc will inherit in the event of their death just as they have while they're alive.

@notangelinajolie - your Mum is leaving you in a very tricky and vulnerable position by not making a will. Your brother could cause all sorts of issues by claiming to be a dependant and by not having things like "X can live in the house for 3 years before it should be sold and split" your mother is not making any paths that will be easy for you to follow and he could tie the estate up for years in claims.

Most banks will allow the paying of the funeral bill (direct to the funeral directors rather than handing out cash), but you could find yourself in a tangled mess for years.

Violet - you could word it that someone at work/school gate was talking about a relative who'd died and they had a terrible time tracking down the will, and while you don't care about details, you thought it best to ask now while they are healthy if they have made a will and where is it (as in, is there a particular firm of solicitors who have a copy or have htey just done a DIY one and it's in a drawer in the sideboard).

wildpoppies - don't tease your brother too much about your lump sum. It might drive him to look up the term "hotchpot"!

I am 10 years NC with my dad and I know he has written me out his will because he has taken the time and trouble to let me know. It's the only message I have had from him in those 10 years.
Mum will split her money equally between the kids but after care costs I don't expect there to be anything left.
Simples.

I will inherit nothing.
My older sibling gets everything- huge house, land, money, (expensive) furniture & pictures. Over £2 million worth probably.
Primogeniture.
I have been given £10,000 by my parents which was to make up for the fact that I will get nothing when they die.
It's all due to the way they inherited everything from the family.

I've got over the bitterness, especially as the house is a money pit, can't be sold & is listed so can't be left to rot.

Lots of people won't be taking care costs into account because they have made provisions (via a discretionary trust) to protect their assets

Inheritance was dished out and divided long before death
Now what is left will either go one care homes/fun or to grandkids.
They have survived 7 years.

My mum and dad have wills that leave everything to one another, and when they are both gone to my brother and I equally. They say there won't be care costs as they will never go into care homes or have carers in, but I think they are deluding themselves. I don't actually expect to inherit anything much and it doesn't bother me. I'd be sad not to inherit the little things that they love which would mean a lot to me, but their house and any savings they have I'd rather went on making their final years good ones.