Hijacking from another thread where someone mentioned inheritance...

[btfly2]

I think it would be an interesting thing to know how many of you already have inheritance from your parents sorted. Or how many of you think what exactly you are going to receive from your family when that moment arrives. My parents already sorted everything in their will for my brother and I. We know exactly what to expect and we both are very thankful and kind of lucky I guess. Aibu to believe is important to know what your inheritance is going to be? Curious about your experience and opinions.

We all need to get over our fear of talking about death and the associated issues like Wills and Funerals.

Yes they're not nice topics to think about but it makes life so much easier during the early stages of grief for those left behind.

They don't have to be detailed chats, but asking parents/partners to do the following will make things a lot easier:

A) make a Will of some kind and tell you where it is
B) write funeral wishes (cremation or burial; religious service or humanist, etc) on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope, again in a safe place.

Martin Lewis also makes some good suggestions about things we ALL should do (not just the elderly) in this article:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/death-plan

More important to worry about our own wills surely.

I know what my parent's wills say and what I stand to inherit if it's not been spent on care costs by that point. But its much more important to me that my own house is in order and that mine and my husbands wills are sorted. DH and I can look after ourselves. The DCs are minors and will need the support.

On the topic of inheriting debt, here's what Martin Lewis says:

Do debts die with you?

It's often said that "when you die, your debts die with you". But it's a little more complicated than that. When you die, anything you owe has to be paid first, before any assets can go to your beneficiaries.

So if you owe more than your assets are worth, your debts do die with you. Your beneficiaries will get nothing, but they won't be asked to pay the rest of the debt.
But if your inheritors are jointly responsible for the debts, your debts don't die with you as they'll have to make up the shortfall. If you're concerned about the impact this may have, contact Citizens Advice or consult a lawyer.

What happens if you retire blow all your money on holidays and then need a council care home? Do they just have to take you? How it that different to gifting away your money first?

My parents are in their late 70's - I know the details of their wills and I am also executor. Currently everything goes to surviving spouse, if they both die together I get the contents of the house (furniture nick nacks ornaments and mums jewellery - nothing of great value ) the estate is then split 50/50 between me and my brother. (Mum knows that I appreciate some of her things and will distribute jewellery and nick nacks according to her wishes, my brother is fully aware and happy)
I'm very close to my parents (live round the corner) and will provide care for them and as far as possible enable them to remain at home, moving in with them is an option should it be necessary as their house is large enough for my family.
I have never considered any possible inheritance in our family financial planning, I look on it as a bonus if I do inherit, I want my parents to enjoy their money, I have met too many elderly people who deprive themselves so that they have something to leave their children, sadly this is often children who hardly visit and do not play a big part in their lives.

No idea and don't care. As PP have said it will be increasingly likely that inheritances will be swallowed up by care costs. We plan for our family's future on the basis of not inheriting anything.

I completely agree that it is important for wills to be made and all of that.
I genuinely don't understand threads like this though. And that is not intended as a criticism of the OP or any other poster.

My DF has been transferring money to me through the 7 year inheritance tax loophole for about ten years. We also have a limited company where we are joint directors for tax reasons so if the house in which my father lives has to be sold, the rest is protected.

Some people will disagree with this but my DF believes that as a top rate tax payer for most of his adult life (from a very poor background) he should get to decide what he does with his post tax income and that is giving it to me not yet more to HMRC

*We all need to get over our fear of talking about death and the associated issues like Wills and Funerals.

Yes they're not nice topics to think about but it makes life so much easier during the early stages of grief for those left behind.*

^^this

Although my DM (late 60s) is borderline-obsessed by the topic and talks about it a LOT. Given that each of my parents had parents who survived well into their 90s, are currently (thank God) in good health, and are partial to a nice holiday, neither me nor my siblings are counting on anything coming our way!

We've got nothing to leave anyone yet! My FIL has named my DH and his sister as joint executors of his estate. He's informed DH that there is an equal amount of cash to be left to DH and his sister each plus half the house each.

MIL isn't getting anything as she left him.

She has a house and pension of her own.

Trouble is, SIL and her toddler live with FIL and she's always making comments to DH which make him uncomfortable such as "When Dad dies, I'm going to do X to the house"

And "I never want to move"

I'm not surprised she doesn't! The house is worth a million and is on one of the best streets in the area.

I've told DH to ignore her. FIL is like a bull and will last many years...DH doesnt like talking about him dying but SIL mentions it all the bloody time.

Some people will disagree with this but my DF believes that as a top rate tax payer for most of his adult life (from a very poor background) he should get to decide what he does with his post tax income and that is giving it to me not yet more to HMRC

Surely actually given that the money is 'protected in case the house has to be sold' what he really believes is that the taxpayer should pay for his care rather than his direct beneficiaries? Yeah, I do think that's a bit awful.

It is split equally between siblings. My mother has significant property interests, which I, as POA, have to manage.

I honestly don't care about the inheritance. OK my parents did well in the property market but they also worked hard all their lives, and so I see it as my mum's money. I would like to sell at least some of the property. I really can't face possibly a decade of managing tenants, builder and estate agents, all some distance from where I live. However it's difficult as I am essentially managing other people's inheritance, and without their agreement to sell, I would presumably be responsible should decisions I make be the wrong ones.

There is quite a lot of tension. It would be easier if there were only sufficient to cover my mother's care costs. Plus overnight we may need to find the funds to settle the IHT bill, which inevitably impacts on our ability to spend our own money. (Our priority is to pay off our mortgage so we can remortgage when we need to.)

But it is a first world problem. The learning is that the less money you need in order to feel content, the better off you are. Spending more than you have, in anticipation of an inheritance, is foolish.

I know what the intended financial split of any $$ in my parents estate will be (equal split with the siblings) but I've no idea what that $ amount will be - could be 1/3 of $30, could be 1/3 of $300,000 - it all depends on what happens between now and then.

I also know what specific items I'm being left as mum went through everything and asked who wanted what. Every time mum comes out she brings somethings with her (we emigrated) but it's all sentimental things (the odd bit of costume jewellery or an ornament).

As it stands now I've got everything that means something to me, and still got my parents so it's the best of both worlds. I've also heard all the stories and history attached to everything that I've been given which makes them all the more important and valuable to me.

My siblings and I know the general set up of our dp will. Dp talk to us about these things, sometimes in overwhelming detail from time to time, it helps them to know that we know iyswim.

But in all honestly, I don't listen because I don't care about the details, I care that they are well looked after. As others have said, there is no way of telling how much is involved because of care costs, house price inflation, investment performance and all that stuff.

I thing it is easy to call it distasteful but often that's lazy thinking and lazy posting. And of course it is distasteful to hover over elderly relatives, scavenging for inheritance titbits. Discussing family finances, relative's care and wishes and preparing for the inevitable, is, in my opinion sensible not distasteful.

I don't think anyone was really saying that it's distasteful to talk about wills and inheritance, were they? What is a bit distasteful - and incredibly foolish - is to think that you 'know' what you'll get, and to plan around it.

My parents' will leaves specific bequests (charities, god-children) and then the residual estate to me. No point discussing the figures as I hope they spend it all before they need care, but I think it is important to discuss the structure of the will as well as any funeral requests.

"I'm not counting on anything - and would much rather have them around for as long as possible than any amount of money!"

"But in all honestly, I don't listen because I don't care about the details, I care that they are well looked after."

All these types of comments are just so pointless - aren't they just the default position? I don't like to think people who write this sort of thing are overtly virtue signalling, but that's is what is happening. Even for most posters on the Stately Homes thread, I don't think anyone is eagerly waiting for their folks to die just so they can get their hands on the loot.

This thread is about the practicalities of Wills and bequests, not how much we might love our parents more than the next person, and be above such common, nasty venality as discussing money.

It may or may not be tasteless, but having just done our will I don't think its a subject that should be closed down, and make people feel ashamed for talking about it.

Ask any solicitor who deals with Wills and fall out. Its more contentious than divorce. As a society we should all talk about it more, make sure there is provision for care when elderly, let our dc know where the will is - roughly what to expect, will there be enough money to pay for funeral? Some instructions on funeral - realistic, how to do it - who to pay - probate information etc etc etc .

Only the rich can afford to leave all this in very expensive solicitors hands, the rest of us - suddenly have to plan something as big as a wedding whilst grieving and not knowing anything about it.

I think its far more tasteless to die and not have your own affairs tidy and clear and sorted out for the people left behind.

BTW when our dds are old enough we will make them the will executors, let them know everything is to be shared, and put instructions and help somewhere for them, and what to do if we need care etc. We will be as open and clear as we possibly can be.

jonesy that is distasteful yes she needs to keep her trap shut.

No monetary inheritance, but I hope I get the photo albums or one of dsis do. Other wouldn't be bothered and would probably just get rid of.

Everything will be left to me and my brother. I have no idea how much their savings are but they will be used fot care home fees if needed.
My mum has made noises about transfering her bungalow into our names to protect it from being used for fees.
I don't care and think she should use it/spend her money. She feels sorry for me because I'm always skint

I do know that if somehow there was money, df and dm have willed it to be split between us-their kids- and their dgc.

I don't like to think people who write this sort of thing are overtly virtue signalling, but that's is what is happening. Even for most posters on the Stately Homes thread, I don't think anyone is eagerly waiting for their folks to die just so they can get their hands on the loot.

I think very few people actively will their parents' deaths, but I think lots of people do assume they'll inherit the house and make that part of their future planning. Which is foolish.

I know there will be some money from my dad, but I think it’s unofficially earmarked for the GCs – divided equally between his kids but with the assumption we’ll mostly pass it on to our DCs as he did the exact same when his parents died, and I think they did the same.

My family tradition is that you receive your bulk inheritance from whatever is left when your grandparents die as when parents die you should have got yourself sorted. I believe it’ll be a reasonable amount, even taking into account massive care home fees, as he’s quite wealthy, but I’m not expecting to see any of it. I just hope it’s enough to pay off university debts and put down a decent deposit on a house for my kids when they are in their twenties or thirties.