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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a spotlessly clean house as a single mum to a toddler

250 replies

Hopeless29 · 06/03/2017 19:04

I'm a single mum. I have a three year old.

I've always been someone who liked to have a clean house. I'm not OCD about it but can't relax in a dirty or messy house.

Everyone told me once I have a child my house would suddenly become a tip but I knew that wouldn't be the case.

Yes my son has toys everywhere during the day but he's been taught to put them back when he's finished and I don't let him eat around the house as I think he should eat at the table.

Between 4-5pm while I'm cooking dinner I tidy the house. I actually enjoy it. My house is spotless and tidy and while it's harder to keep a house clean and tidy with children, I've not found it a chore or difficult.

My friends seem to think my house should be a tip (their own words) like theirs and seem very put out that my house is so clean. They make passive aggressive comments about it and how they don't have time to clean once the children have gone to bed.

I find it so irritating.

If they want to prioritise something else that's absolutely fine and I know some people find it a struggle to keep and tidy house with children and that's fine. For me, having a clean and tidy house is very important and I couldn't live in a dirty house. It only takes me an hour a day when I'm cooking dinner anyway. So it's no bother and it doesn't mean I'm neglecting my son inorder to have the place clean.

AIBU to want and to have a clean house?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopeless29 · 06/03/2017 21:15

But obviously a mum who keeps their house clean must feed their kids junk 🙄😂

OP posts:
midlifehope · 06/03/2017 21:16

I might get flamed but I think many men are the messy buggers, so having 1 dc and no grubby man in your house probably helps a lot! Grin

TheFirstMrsDV · 06/03/2017 21:16

Its not hard to keep a place clean if you are the only adult with one small child in the house.

I would be surprised if your house wasn't tidy tbh.

Unless you didn't care about cleaning and some people don't. Its their choice. Or you were too poorly to clean.

Otherwise I am not really sure this is worth a multiple page thread.

TheRealPooTroll · 06/03/2017 21:17

Recipes or it didn't happen Hopeless29 Grin

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 06/03/2017 21:17

Happy I remember parents like that from my childhood and that of my own DS. Some people make it seem so easy Envy

AYankinSpanx · 06/03/2017 21:18

At th house be of the women hate women who can keep a house clean. It's that simple. And I find that sad

Some of your comments are just bizarre OP. It's becoming clearer with each post why your 'friends' are getting a bit PA with you.

Perhaps it's nothing to do how literally amazing you are at cleaning.

Derlei · 06/03/2017 21:18

"Oh come on. It's easy to tidy and cook. I don't need to tell grown women how I do it."

Not sure why you're being arsey, most of the posters who are asking what you cook are asking out of interest. We don't use the oven most nights, we steam and make sauces from scratch, so kind of need to be more in the kitchen than out of it. Hence why I asked.

NavyandWhite · 06/03/2017 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spiney · 06/03/2017 21:19

Well done OP. I mean that. I wish I had the knack of keeping my house tidy. And some people do and you are obviously one of them.

Like you I feel much more relaxed in a tidy environment. Each to their own eh.

Don't think YABU. Your choice. Your friends should probably but out and shut up. Really I wouldn't dream of commenting on someone's messy house! I wouldn't actually care. It's up to them. Yet there is a defensiveness (just read this thread) that somehow you're smug, blah blah, obsessed, blah blah, even not taking your child out....! Dear god.

Who cares?! Your choice. Your friends were probably all ready to be " I told you so" Didn't happen.

PointxTaken · 06/03/2017 21:20

06am to 07:30 or 8am: more than enough time to do 1 or 2 loads of laundry, change bedsheets, make beds, empty dishwasher, make breakfast, feed kids, dress kids and quick hoover upstairs.

one hour at lunch time (when you are there) more than enough to make lunch, dust, hoover and mop downstairs.

One hour evening: more than enough to clean bathrooms, cook diner, tidy toys, put everything away

How is keeping a tidy house neglecting the kids in any way, and locking them inside all day?

There's so much less to do in my house when I am at work because there's no-one inside to make any mess! Even weekends don't mean spending all day cleaning and tidying up.

irregularegular · 06/03/2017 21:20

Ummmm. Not read full thread so someone may have already asked this, but how do you cook dinner and clean the house at the same time? Can't be much actual cooking going on. As you say, different priorities...

But no, YANBU, obviously.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2017 21:21

I honestly couldn't care less what other people's houses are like, because it's not like I have to live in them.

However, this being the internet, the OP could be typing this from underneath a mountain of empty KFC buckets, fag butts and empty wine bottles.

You can never tell, so it's not worth arguing about Grin

Userone1 · 06/03/2017 21:22

You are coming across a bit Hyacinth Bucket or maybe I'm just a bit victor meldrew

HappyFlappy · 06/03/2017 21:23

Some people make it seem so easy

They do Numpty.

I used to count it as a win if I could remember to drag a brush through my hair on a morning. (Having said that, I never took the kids to school in my pyjamas, which is almost de rigeur at some schools these days . . )

NorksAreMessy · 06/03/2017 21:23
Hmm
DixieNormas · 06/03/2017 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yumchoc · 06/03/2017 21:27

No it's terrible that anyone judging you for being a good mother keeping a safe clean environment for your little one to play I get passive aggressive comments off my sil and mil for keeping my child and house clean is it neurotic apparently ( if it was dirty it would they would still be judgemental there just nasty insecure people take no notice

spiney · 06/03/2017 21:27

Are you a new poster too?

What do you mean N&W?

OhCarrieMathison · 06/03/2017 21:27

Midlifehope definitely agree with this.
When my husband is away for work I find the upkeep of the house much easier.
When I was a single mum with one it was fine, you tidied up as you went along and always had time to be tidied and organised.

There is a mum at school who has 3 kids and her house is spotless but her husband is the same and is home by 3pm everyday and doesn't work weekends which must make life so much easier if 2 adults are constantly tidying up.

Alice212 · 06/03/2017 21:28

OP "I don't let him eat around the house as I think he should eat at the table."

Just this statement makes me love you. Grin
Thank goodness the days of "friends with toddlers" are nearly over for me.

LostMyDotBrain · 06/03/2017 21:28

I'm a single parent to a toddler, am doing a nursing degree and have a clean and tidy home. I win, right?

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 06/03/2017 21:29

My mum was rubbish at housework until she retired. I think I've inherited the slattern gene.

ohtheholidays · 06/03/2017 21:29

No YANBU your friends comments may be because she's feeling bad about the way her house looks in regards to yours.

Our house is always clean and tidy,there's 7 of us,Me,my DH and our 5DC and we have pets and myself and 2 of our DC are disabled but we still manage to keep the house nice and we do housework every day.

I've learnt over the years that different things are important to different people,some people need an organized clean house to to be able to enjoy they're homes,we certainly do and then there's other people that prefer to live in a home that's more cluttered or less tidy.

I think as long as a house isn't such a mess that it's dangerous or makes a child feel bad or that a parent isn't so anxious all the time about everything being just so that it stops they're own child/children from being able to relax in they're own home then they're doing fine.

Philoslothy · 06/03/2017 21:29

Oh come on. It's easy to tidy and cook. I don't need to tell grown women how I do it.

Unless you're cooking steak, it's perfectly possible to clean while things are cooking in the oven

Most things that go in the oven need to be put together. It is also quite rare to have something mid week that takes more than 30 mins to cook in the oven. So that is 30 minutes of possible cleaning time. Only you probably have to make a salad or some kind of side dish or veg. You will probably need to set the table. You might be cleaning up the kitchen? Filling the dishwasher with the things you used to make dinner so far. So even with 30 minutes cooking time - you actually only have 15-20 minutes to do your tidying.

TheRealPooTroll · 06/03/2017 21:29

What hours does your child do at nursery. If it's 8-6 and you're still taking an hour to clean in the evenings that makes a big difference as to whether you are being u.
Also I genuinely do want to know what you cook from scratch that takes a couple of minutes then goes in the oven. I don't care about doing more than the bare minimum of housework but some extra time in the evening to help with homework would be most useful.