To have a spotlessly clean house as a single mum to a toddler

[Hopeless29]

I'm a single mum. I have a three year old.

I've always been someone who liked to have a clean house. I'm not OCD about it but can't relax in a dirty or messy house.

Everyone told me once I have a child my house would suddenly become a tip but I knew that wouldn't be the case.

Yes my son has toys everywhere during the day but he's been taught to put them back when he's finished and I don't let him eat around the house as I think he should eat at the table.

Between 4-5pm while I'm cooking dinner I tidy the house. I actually enjoy it. My house is spotless and tidy and while it's harder to keep a house clean and tidy with children, I've not found it a chore or difficult.

My friends seem to think my house should be a tip (their own words) like theirs and seem very put out that my house is so clean. They make passive aggressive comments about it and how they don't have time to clean once the children have gone to bed.

I find it so irritating.

If they want to prioritise something else that's absolutely fine and I know some people find it a struggle to keep and tidy house with children and that's fine. For me, having a clean and tidy house is very important and I couldn't live in a dirty house. It only takes me an hour a day when I'm cooking dinner anyway. So it's no bother and it doesn't mean I'm neglecting my son inorder to have the place clean.

AIBU to want and to have a clean house?

I know someone with OCD (diagnosed) who is being driven round the bend by their teenage child who is now outdoing mum in OCD terms. Some difficulties as it takes different forms e.g. mum wanting to fold things a certain way and teenager wanting it done a different way. How many times can you fold and refold a jumper in a day.

I really don't think it's always social pressure. It bothers me not to know where things are when I need them, I don't like to see a pile of "stuff" that could be put away, and I hate seeing laundry drying everywhere, even if it's my bedroom where no one else will be. It would drive me nuts to waste time every morning to look for my kids things.

I really don't care about how other people live, I just don't see the point of tidying up because we have guests. I live there, the house should be at what we think is best for my family, not for someone who comes for a drink.

I think some people are just talented at house things and can find a place for everything easily, It helps if you are someone who throws things away rather than hoards. My mum is good like that, she does a quick tidy and hoover and her house is spotless. I am not like that but wish I was. I try to be tidy and I'm not a hoarder but I hate domestic chores, I find them tedious and difficult and would rather have a cleaner (I don't). I love cooking though. I wouldn't be jealous if you were my friend, I'd try to entice you round to mine to tidy up for me!

Sinner .re social and gender pressure - Does that mean if we were ever to achieve a gender equal society free from artificial social dictates it would be really ... really ..... messy!

Spiney,

Nope, only that women would have stopped internalising the notion that an Untidy House is a sign of a Slatternly Woman, rather than that the household's cleanliness/efficiency are every member's concern.

No, of course it's not 100% gendered social pressure, and yes, obviously there are men who are extremely tidy in their habits, but I have a hard time seeing a male forum dominated to quite the same extent by questions of housekeeping, cleanliness, complaints about female partners who 'don't see dirt' or assertions that the real reason that unanticipated callers are unwelcome is because they don't offer the time for a last-minute tidy-up. Or that deeply bizarre recent thread about people having 'show hand soap' or 'show towels' or a 'show washing up area' which were not to be used but were put out for the visual delectation of a visitor.

I assume part of the issue is that at least some of these women are SAHPs who see household chores as their responsibility, and who simply spend far more time in their houses than their WOH partners.

I too can't stand being in a messy house, with a child it's impossible to keep on top of it. I'm a Sahp with a 6 month old, dh works long hours. Our home is immaculate, but that's because we have a cleaner who comes in everyday. When she's been on leave it takes the very next day for the place to look like a bomb site.

Op you are lucky that your D.C. Can do independent play. My DS is very active, and needs constant attention. I think in your situation it is possible to have a very clean home

I do think that there is a tendency amongst certainly the middle class women that I know to think that cleaning is a menial chore and that they should not have to do it. Many of my more middle class friends are SAHPs but see themselves as having a role just about caring for children.

As a working class SAHP I am definitely of the scrub your front step mentality and see cleaning the house as my role as a SAHP. Most of my friends who are SAHP have cleaners and see it is a little bizarre that I don't.

I see we've gone all social science-y tonight.

Filth is not a feminist issue, ladies. Some women are just dirty skanks and, as a pp has observed, believe that "taking care of a child" is a full time job and they shouldn't take 5 mins out to scrub the bog.

FWIW, I have no DCs and live alone (happily!) in a large 2 bed flat with my cat. The place is generally v tidy and clean. Except maybe towards the end of the week if I've been working long hours and let the dishwasher stacking/unstacking slide.

I am more likely to judge the owner of a dirty house rather than a clean house.

BUT, as a pp has said NO ONE LIKES A SMUG STEALTH BOASTER!

Well, if you ever plan to have them, you'll eat your words and it's not just women who live in these untidy homes, you know. Household chores don't suddenly become the sale domain of the woman just because she's had children, who do take up a huge amount of time - especially when under. 5

I definitely don't plan to have kids, thanks, not after being on here for a while!

Do male 'dirty skanks' exist, Chicken, or were you envisaging scrubbing the toilet bowl with your vagina? Or maybe we should return to the social science and bypass the misogynistic language.

I don't think it's unreasonable that some people find this easier than other people naturally. For me it isn't hard work. It's like in Lego movie when they see the Lego instructions in their head - that's how I see my house, and actually one of my attributes at work. I can kind of map out very quickly what needs to be done, and my mind kind of makes a list, then I just work through the list, the more I have done this the quicker the list gets, the less I think about it and just do it. It's just a routine. I find it helps me with working full time and having kids to just try and be organised. My skirting boards probably aren't great and I know I have some cobwebs... I'm not a natural hoarder, I throw things away a lot that I don't need and just whizz about while doing dinner and clearing up.

Saying that, I find this starts off well on Monday-Wednesday then by Friday it's all gone to shit and Saturday and Sunday are trying to regain control of the laundry monster and mess, then repeat...

This thread turned nasty!

I didn't see any particular stealth boast in the OP but maybe that's because I don't see tidiness/untidiness as any kind of status or otherwise. (OP actually said the same thing but looks like it wasn't believed).

I'm not a naturally tidy person so even though I love the idea of a "spotless house" it just isn't going to happen. However, I always read the threads on here about Tips for an Organised House/ Cleaning Hacks/ Cleaning Cheats (etc) and they are always full of small tweaks or systems people use to keep on top of housework without it becoming a massive overwhelming chore.

I imagine that those posters, like OP, have just managed kind of seamlessly integrate being tidy and clean into their daily standard activities. And obviously the more you keep on top of it, the less time it takes to maintain.

I can't really see why there's vitriol towards OP here. Although I guess it kind of proves her initial point that her clean house makes people angry!

Yes, there are male dirty skanks but the OP is a single female by my understanding.

Isn't it all subjective though? The OP's idea of a spotless house may not be the same as mine or yours - for example quite a few people say they are tidy but then it goes to shit nearer the end of the week or if they have activities on (no judgement from me, but to me this would not constitute a spotless/relatively tidy home) I hear people at work saying they love a spotless home but then say they clean their bathroom/loo once a week (again to me this would be far from spotless!) My best friends Husband once said he was proud of her for keeping a beautiful home, her children are in school all day and she does not work, there were piles of washing and toys everywhere and she hoovered and dusted maybe twice a week if that. A home is such a personal thing and it's cleanliness is only meaningful to the people living in it in my opinion x

aSleepyPrincess Wed 08-Mar-17 09:47:56

Yes totally objective, I know people who freak out about so called germs, pride themselves on their ultra cleanliness, and yet they are very happy to pass on nasty germs to their GC through using the same cutlery teeth cavities, ulcers here we come!

Some very defensive little madams in this thread

Some very defensive little madams in this thread

hmm

How did you figure that no posters were men?

Regardless of who might or might not be judging or goading whom - how do the tidy or spotless people do it? Genuinely, I do not understand. Can we have a step-by-step idiots guide?

IAdoreEfteling that is exactly it!! something that would bother me could seem silly or over the top to you and at the end of the day if we are both happy with our way of doing things who is anyone to judge

Dirty skanks? Nice!

Everyone's idea of tidy is different. I have ocd and have to have things done in a certain way. My house isn't always spotless but it is generally tidy. Oddly enough it was my Dad who gave me advice on and taught me how to clean properly. With my Mum being disabled he had no choice but to do it when we were younger. There's been days when you'd have walked in and been horrified though on the days I've been really poorly not filthy / dirty. Just untidy.

I do mine in little bits and if you have a big clean don't try and do it all in one day. Start with one corner whilst watching the soaps or something. Rubbish bag in one hand and box to keep the things you want / need in the other.

Oh please, yes an idiots' guide! Please!

It's not an idiots guide kind of thing really. I don't find it that hard to keep it clean and tidy but then I will freely admit it isn't always my top priority. It is helpful to have it organised but it doesn't freak me out if it isn't. It's just annoying.

Firstly you need a relatively clutter free area to work with
Then you have set jobs you do on each day and actually do them

The problem most people have is that they have too much stuff or let jobs accumulate for too long, so the bathroom once a week is bound to take you know, an hour, whereas x3 a week maintenance clean could only take you 10 mins.
You let a pile of washing pile up x 7 days it will take longer than putting one load away at a time If you let all the jobs build up this will then all take longer.
I do this at work too, the small wins. So 30 mins spruce up every evening helps keep the overall mess down. I also spend 5 mins before I leave the house having a quick go at it.
But our lives don't work the same way for everyone, people coming and going from a house and different working hours mean it can be very hard to keep track of

Oh please, yes an idiots' guide! Please!

I believe Anthea Turner still has it TooStressy

Off to investigate...