Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To have a spotlessly clean house as a single mum to a toddler

250 replies

Hopeless29 · 06/03/2017 19:04

I'm a single mum. I have a three year old.

I've always been someone who liked to have a clean house. I'm not OCD about it but can't relax in a dirty or messy house.

Everyone told me once I have a child my house would suddenly become a tip but I knew that wouldn't be the case.

Yes my son has toys everywhere during the day but he's been taught to put them back when he's finished and I don't let him eat around the house as I think he should eat at the table.

Between 4-5pm while I'm cooking dinner I tidy the house. I actually enjoy it. My house is spotless and tidy and while it's harder to keep a house clean and tidy with children, I've not found it a chore or difficult.

My friends seem to think my house should be a tip (their own words) like theirs and seem very put out that my house is so clean. They make passive aggressive comments about it and how they don't have time to clean once the children have gone to bed.

I find it so irritating.

If they want to prioritise something else that's absolutely fine and I know some people find it a struggle to keep and tidy house with children and that's fine. For me, having a clean and tidy house is very important and I couldn't live in a dirty house. It only takes me an hour a day when I'm cooking dinner anyway. So it's no bother and it doesn't mean I'm neglecting my son inorder to have the place clean.

AIBU to want and to have a clean house?

OP posts:

Lucyccfc · 06/03/2017 20:21

I remember my HV telling me that my house wouldn't be as clean, neat and today as DS grew up and I went back to work.

It's all about the decisions tou make that are right for you. If you really want a spotless house, you can have one. It's about making that choice.

I am a single parent and work full time and DS is 11 and I have made a choice to have a clean and very neat house. We have busy lives and a cluttered untidy house would stress me out. We tidy (inc my 11 year old) as we go along. Pots washed straight after tea, clothes go straight in the wash basket, rubbish in the bin. We don't hoard stuff or keep,things we don't need.

My 11 year old has jobs to do (setting and clearing the table, cleaning his room, putting bin out and do dark washing) and he is expected to put his school bag and coat away, shoes on the rack etc. Everything has a place in our house.

I don't judge my friends who may have an untidy house and they don't judge me - we all just do our own thing.

PointxTaken · 06/03/2017 20:22

Also, keep it realistic. There's no point organising a wardrobe if it takes you 5 minutes to fold a tshirt. It will look lovely the first time, but will be a mess the next time you do the laundry and chuck everything in it.
All my kids wardrobes have a little rail, because I can't be bothered to fold tiny shirts properly and it's easier to just put them on a hanger.

No point tidying up something either if everything collapses in a mess the first time you take something out (speaking of toy/ Tupperware/ socks or anything)

SouthernNorthernGirl · 06/03/2017 20:22

OhCarrie You too?!

Astoria7974 · 06/03/2017 20:24

You might have a much smaller house than your friends, so find it easier to maintain?

You might have more time at home to spend on housework?

You might be letting other things slide like cooking or gardening or time out with kids to get cleaning done when your friends are not. As you said different priorities?

You might be confusing tidying with cleaning which is why your friends are upset, because your house is actually unhygenic but they're too polite to tell you?

You are being v goady tbh.

Nanna50 · 06/03/2017 20:25

This reminds me of a good friend who was always very tidy in herself and home and then had a baby. My friend and I drove up to see them, oh how we laughed at the thought of her shock of motherhood and the thought of her having to lower her standards. (We were the kind of parents who always had baby sick on our shoulders and washing piled high) Imagine our faces when we walked into her spotless home with immaculate self and baby .
We were in awe, some people can, some people can't, it's not a competition.

TheRealPooTroll · 06/03/2017 20:25

I just want to know what you're cooking each night that allows you to get the house spotless while you cook!
Without knowing you it's hard to say whether your friends are genuinely concerned that your child is being left to their own devices while you're working in the day and spending a good chunk of the evening cleaning. Or whether they're just jealous that your house is cleaner.
You say that your child is only amusing themselves for an hour but what about when you're working?

ChickenVindaloo2 · 06/03/2017 20:25

I have 6 kids who look like they've just stepped out of the Boden catalogue , a Pinterest-worthy home, I run an international business and I give my DH a blowjob every night whilst cooking a gourmet dinner.

So yes, YABU .

pepsiandshirley · 06/03/2017 20:28

YANBU.

My house is pretty scruffy - it's clean and tidyish but no show home. I don't care. I love running and DH trains a lot (triathlete) and we both prioritise that and are often child-swapping at the weekend so we can both get our training in (as well as spending family time together). We aren't interested in our house.

My friend has always been very house-centric. She and her DH spend their time child-swapping at the weekend so they can pressure wash things, clean gutters and do gardening. They aren't interested in exercise.

Each to their own - neither is right or wrong.

Lonelymummyof1 · 06/03/2017 20:31

If I am honest I have 1 3 year old, single mum and do not work .....my house looks look like a giant grenade has gone of in toys r us.
Its clean toys are toys.
She has fun and I throw them in a laundry basket if I want to tidy ha

FaFoutis · 06/03/2017 20:34

This cleaning and tidying business is a very strange thing. Life is short and there is so much else you could do.
By 'needing' a clean and tidy house and congratulating yourself in public you are trying to comfort yourself and feel in control. We all do that of course, but competitive cleaning is the most boring way on earth of doing it.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 06/03/2017 20:35

Personally I like to see a bit of muddle in a home with children - I feel that the children are probably happier.

What a ridiculous statement to make! FFS, there's a ton of jealous, defensive people on this thread.

OP, YANBU to prioritise a tidy house if that's what you prefer. Your friends (and a lot of other posters!) are just jealous or feeling insecure about the state of their own homes.

FaFoutis · 06/03/2017 20:37

Is this the 1950s?
The state of your home is not your identity or any kind of reflection of your worth.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 06/03/2017 20:41

Exactly FaFoutis - it's nobody's business whether the OP has a tidy house or not, her friends are being dicks for judging her.

LoveDeathPrizes · 06/03/2017 20:41

Meh. Each to their own.

I have time but I try to not to get too caught up in it. The days when I've cleaned are the days I then get stressed when the kids put sticky fingers on windows and suchlike and I'd rather it wasn't important.

I think I'm a nicer version of myself when I'm not bothered how the house looks but within reason obviously. And no one should make you feel bad for doing things your way.

justaminutedarling · 06/03/2017 20:41

Ohhh the passive aggressive comments from less tidy friends...so glad I'm not the only one who gets them! What gets to me is I don't even care that their houses are messy, I actually quite like it (just can't have mess in my own home!) I get snarky comments for being tidy, for having a confident child, for reading with my dd every night, for setting aside time for homework... you can't win rolls eyes

BananaPie · 06/03/2017 20:43

How do you cook and clean at the same time? When I cook I have to be in the kitchen!

Aside from that, it's obviously your choice. A clean house is perfectly possible with small children and nothing exceptional as far as I'm aware.

FaFoutis · 06/03/2017 20:43

Bloody hell.

Deadsouls · 06/03/2017 20:44

YANBU - I can't relax with clutter, dirt or mess. I clean and tidy everyday.

Original poster

Hopeless29 · 06/03/2017 20:48

Yup. If you have a tidy house that somehow means :

You're smug
You're overly proud of the fact you have a clean house (I'm proud of many things but I can't say having a clean house ever entered my radar as something to be actively proud of)

You must be neglecting other areas of your life to have a clean house (no really, people ACTUALLY say this)

You have it easy as you have one child (being a lone parent is never easy)

You must have loads of time on your hands (I am job hunting so never have a week where I'm not prepearing for a job interview I also do a manual job at home)

You must lack in other areas of your life and need to enjoy life more (I have an active social life)

All these atributes just because I have a clean house! It's bizarre.

This is the problem with my friends. All I've done is have a clean house. But anyone would think the way they go on, I'd personally gone into their home and said they should clean more or commented that their houses are dirty.

I don't give two hoots what anyone else's house is like.
Couldn't care less.

So I'm not sure what the issue is with mine being clean.

OP posts:

Notso · 06/03/2017 20:50

Between 4-5pm while I'm cooking dinner I tidy the house.

I don't understand this, surely it's either one or the other

LoveDeathPrizes · 06/03/2017 20:50

My friends aren't all that bothered. Seems odd that your friends are so preoccupied with this...

AddictedtoSnickers · 06/03/2017 20:50

All my friends have spotless houses, it's normal here, mine's ok but I have an extra child compared to most of them (my excuse). Surprised to hear you say your toddler is 3 years old..... My youngest has just turned 2 and I was feeling sad at not having a baby or a toddler anymore....but maybe I still do!

Fuxfurforall · 06/03/2017 20:51

3 kids, single parent and worked full time when they were little, and still do.

House is always a tip.

I walk through the door after a 10 hour shift to cook, wash up, supervise homework, spend a precious time chatting over dinner, then bath, bedtime etc etc .
Weekends are spent spending quality time together, hence the untidy house - not enough hours in a day.

Good for you for managing but please don't judge the rest of us, we don't need it. Each to their own.

user1484578224 · 06/03/2017 20:52

order is important more so if you are disordered on the inside

iremembericod · 06/03/2017 20:52

I could should be cleaning right now, but anyway as it turns out I'm not. I think it's because I'm so emotionally in control that I am able to relax and bare the mess and filth, and just have a little me time

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10