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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a spotlessly clean house as a single mum to a toddler

250 replies

Hopeless29 · 06/03/2017 19:04

I'm a single mum. I have a three year old.

I've always been someone who liked to have a clean house. I'm not OCD about it but can't relax in a dirty or messy house.

Everyone told me once I have a child my house would suddenly become a tip but I knew that wouldn't be the case.

Yes my son has toys everywhere during the day but he's been taught to put them back when he's finished and I don't let him eat around the house as I think he should eat at the table.

Between 4-5pm while I'm cooking dinner I tidy the house. I actually enjoy it. My house is spotless and tidy and while it's harder to keep a house clean and tidy with children, I've not found it a chore or difficult.

My friends seem to think my house should be a tip (their own words) like theirs and seem very put out that my house is so clean. They make passive aggressive comments about it and how they don't have time to clean once the children have gone to bed.

I find it so irritating.

If they want to prioritise something else that's absolutely fine and I know some people find it a struggle to keep and tidy house with children and that's fine. For me, having a clean and tidy house is very important and I couldn't live in a dirty house. It only takes me an hour a day when I'm cooking dinner anyway. So it's no bother and it doesn't mean I'm neglecting my son inorder to have the place clean.

AIBU to want and to have a clean house?

OP posts:
Thingvellir · 06/03/2017 19:59

I have a tidy house too, and two DC, and work full time so it's not that surprising to me. House is also very clean, but I pay someone else to do that so can't take the credit.

I do think you sound a little smug, even if you don't mean to, maybe this has got your friends backs up a bit? And you clearly have a well behaved and cooperative child, they don't all come like that! And yours may not stay that way

ToastVacuum · 06/03/2017 19:59
Biscuit
PointxTaken · 06/03/2017 20:01

I think it's hilarious that some posters get so defensive. You have a clean house and you enjoy it. I am not sure why they get so nasty and feel they are being attacked. You don't know them, you have never seen them, why do they feel you are judging their home?

I wish I could do everything in one hour, it's more 3 hours a day here and that's when we are not home all day Grin

I do find it so much easier and faster to maintain a bigger home. I completely agree with you, each to their own, but having children (even 4 young kids) doesn't mean you have to live in a tip. It's a personal choice. It doesn't make you a bad mother!

grannytomine · 06/03/2017 20:01

When I was young I was told the following, "Self praise is no recommendation." So you think your house is spotless but if someone came round one day when your son was playing with toys and you'd just had a mishap with the vacuum (like I did the other day and ended up with the contents of the vacuum all over the kitchen) they might think differently. If your happy with it get on with it.

JaniceBattersby · 06/03/2017 20:02

When I look back at having one small child and a small house, I used to think my,house was a bit messy. It really, really wasn't. I cleaned skirting boards FFS.

Now I have four children under six and my house is as clean as I can possibly get it. So probably a 4/10 on a scale of Mr Trebus to Hyacinth Bucket.

UpdateRequired · 06/03/2017 20:02

Oh enjoy it while it lasts. I'm not being sarky as I'm a LP of 1 and keep a clean and tidy house but you'll have a lot less time when they get older. Life just gets busier, playdates, homework/school admin, after school activities etc etc. I'm rarely home at dinner time now, usually stuck in rush hour traffic dropping off at football etc. I get a lot done before work though as we're early birds and having a very small house helps enormously Smile.

ArriettyClock1 · 06/03/2017 20:03

When ours were really small, our house was always pretty clean and tidy.

Didn't let them get out too much stuff at once and we had lots of storage and shelves in the playroom and study.

I used to get lots of similar comments about the tidiness of the house, but a quick whiz around with the vacuum every day and a clean kitchen (mostly due to being able to bung everything in the dishwasher) created an illusion of calm!

58NotBothered · 06/03/2017 20:03

Well OP, I actually think you are quite normal.
It is not normal to let small people litter the place with lego bricks or toys. Yes, during the day these items have their place, but they do need to be put away at the appropriate time.
When my two boys were small, we always did a tidy up before supper and in their rooms once a week or so. It takes no time, you train the small ones to be tidy and show them HOW to tidy.
Good for you, I say!
As for your friends, they sound a bit disorganised and lazy to me. A few weeks' effort and children will tidy.
There again, I am the aunt, who, when tasked with hoovering and dusting her sister's house (plus 2 small children), gave the children dusters and we had a game. Got the job done!!!

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 06/03/2017 20:03

Don't want to hijack your thread but does anyone have any tips for keeping a house clean if you are fundamentally messy and your DC are too (can destroy a room while I am cooking tea)? Thank goodness DH is tidy. I do try but often wonder if I am missing something really obvious!

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 06/03/2017 20:04

Xpost with a couple of you there, will take any other tips though :)

PutThatPomBearBack · 06/03/2017 20:05

stealth boast

joannegrady90 · 06/03/2017 20:06

Well I have a spotless house, a child with asd and I work 😆

Do I win?

Seriously op, stop being smug..

OhCarrieMathison · 06/03/2017 20:07

I used to have a lovely, clean house when I just had one small child.
It was so easy with one little one.
I used to sort her room and take old toys and clothes to the charity shop, rubbish dump.
Now I've got 3, 2 in school and it takes me all my time to make sure everyone is fed, washed and clothed for whatever activity there doing.
Your definitely not U for wanting a clean and tidy house. With just one I think it's achievable.

fullofhope03 · 06/03/2017 20:07

Of course you're not op! All power to you, though I hope you find time to rest and have just a little 'me' time, xx

scottishdiem · 06/03/2017 20:07

You arent. My mum and dad didnt like mess at all so things always were tidied away. Our bedrooms where always designed with plenty of storage to put things away. The mess I could generate as a teenage was probably the biggest causes of disagreements between me and my parents.

megletthesecond · 06/03/2017 20:09

It's priorities isn't it.

I'm a lp and prioritise my health over housework on the days I don't work.

And it was so easy to keep the house tidy with one dc, far less easy with two. I look back at the photos and it looked great then. The preschooler years seemed to involve maximum carnage and mess.

Frazzled2207 · 06/03/2017 20:09

I have two dc (3 and 1) and I've pretty much given up on keeping the house tidy.

However I have plenty of mum friends that do, and I'm completely baffled as to how they do it.
My kids can't play independently without trying to kill each other. The only way I can get anything done is by putting the tv on, sadly.

Well done you for managing, sounds like you have a cooperative kid which will of course help.

PointxTaken · 06/03/2017 20:10

toostressy

declutter
have a space for everything. If you haven't got enough storage, you need to buy some or bin stuff.
Put everything away - it takes as long to throw things on the floor as it does to put them away in the right place.
Don't let things pile up. My house is tidy every evening. (If I plan on doing something the following morning, I can guarantee there will be a bout of D&V or similar in the night).
Toys are not mess during the day. My kids are free to enjoy their toys, but they put them away in the evening before the bath. Limited toys allowed at one time in the living room.

The only important thing is to feel well in your home. There's no competition. If I was putting my home for sale tomorrow, I wouldn't have much to do in it, because I prefer it that way.

IamRonnieBiggs · 06/03/2017 20:16

My house would also be spotless and tidy .... if it wasn't for DH....

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 06/03/2017 20:16

Thanks Pointx

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 06/03/2017 20:17

on a scale of Mr Trebus to Hyacinth Bucket

This made me Grin. It is, of course, the scale on which cleanliness should always be judged Wink.

AYankinSpanx · 06/03/2017 20:18

stealth boast

Outrageous, PomBear. There was nothing stealthy about it Grin

OP, enjoy your tidy house. But if you make some of the comments to your friends that you've made here, I'm not surprised they're getting a little PA!

Sometimes, I think there should be a separate forum for people to just spout stuff they're chuffed with themselves about - everyone needs to have a little big-up sometimes. It would save on shoehorning in an AIBU for things people just want to share!

PussInCoutts · 06/03/2017 20:19

Sometimes, I think there should be a separate forum for people to just spout stuff they're chuffed with themselves about - everyone needs to have a little big-up sometimes. It would save on shoehorning in an AIBU for things people just want to share!

Agree Yankin !

SouthernNorthernGirl · 06/03/2017 20:19

Ah - I used to pride myself on my lovely tidy house. The place would be gleaming, and I looked fab too! Used to clean with DS1 was tucked up in bed.

1 husband and 2 more DC later, I'm chasing my tail. Can not keep the place spotless and I have hang ups about my appearance. I'm trying bloody hard, it's just not easy Sad

OP - YANBU. I'm Envy

SouthernNorthernGirl · 06/03/2017 20:20

when DS1 was tucked up, not with