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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more from the school

179 replies

TerrysNo3 · 06/03/2017 10:23

DS1 is in Y3, one of his friends' parents work full time and the eldest DC (age 12) looks after the other 2 after school each day (ages 8 and 10). The 8 and 10 year old usually cycle home together, its about a mile.

On Friday we were leaving school and I saw the 8yo cycling up the path on his own. I asked who he was with and he explained that his 10yo sibling had already gone home as his club had been cancelled. He then said that the school had phoned his DM and she told them he could cycle home alone. I phoned and confirmed this with the school.

I just couldn't let him go on his own so we walked him home. Aside from the fact I can't believe his parents are happy with this arrangement I am really surprised the school agreed it was OK for an 8yo (who was 8 in the last few weeks) cycle home alone.

AIBU to expect the school to not blindly agree with the parents? Shouldn't this be a safeguarding issue?

Please feel free to tell me if I'm way off the mark. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
TerrysNo3 · 06/03/2017 14:20

Lochan I hadn't thought of it that way but I see your point. We did try to make it a bit of fun, we said we were going to go for a hot chocolate on the High St anyway and so why don't we all go together - like I said he has been to my house before so he does know us. When we first discovered that there had been a mix up I mentioned to him he could come to ours for a playdate but when I realised I didn't have his mums number we scratched that idea and I did reiterate to him that he shouldn't come with us or anyone without his parents permission but that we were just walking along with him.

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 06/03/2017 14:36

Seeing as you were concerned you did the right thing IMO.

I know how you feel - if you see a child in what you think is a potentially unsafe situation you do tend to take on responsibility for them. Imagine if something had subsequently happened to the little boy and you'd spotted him but had just left him.

It's really difficult - huge potential to offend the other adults involved but doubt as to the little boy's safety. Good for you I say.

In your situation I would say to his parents that you're really sorry to have doubted their little boy, but you thought you'd better check just in case. and I would probably add something like, 'My DC didn't always tell the whole truth at that age'.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 06/03/2017 15:55
Hmm

I think we are being wound up my friends.

Willow2017 · 06/03/2017 16:33

We are in London and if I let my DD of a similar age go careering off on a bike, I would fully expect her to be brought back by the police (and SS would probably become involved.). It's unheard of and I can't imagine things are that different in other urban areas.

You have no idea where the child was, op said he was cycling on a path he used every day, he wasnt going up the M1!

Although you were just concerned OP after you found out it was ok you should have left it.

I would have been furious if someone had overuled MY decision on MY child and insisted on walking MY child home.

School had no business to tell you anything about it it was between them and the parents. All they needed to tell you was they were aware of it. It was therefor not your business to interfere. Can you imagin how embarassed they boy was being walked home by someone elses mother when his own mother trusts him to cycle home by himself?

Plus you were undermining the parents who probably have taught him never to go with another adult unless the parents have told him to/arranged it. I would have been bloody furious you put my son in that position, of being forced to go against what I taught him for his own safety because you thought you knew better.

Nobody would have blinked an eye around here about a miles cycle. The kids are out all summer off with mates playing.

Sick to death of people on parenting forums saying we are all bad parents for letting out kids out of our sights for more than 3 seconds. WE know our kids, WE have rules, THE KIDS know the area, THEY can be trusted to do something if WE THE PARENTS say so.

PortiaCastis · 06/03/2017 16:36

I think Annie is correct

WorkingBling · 06/03/2017 16:48

Swiss SIL is always shocked that our children are still accompanied to and from school. DNs have been going to and from (their village) school alone since they were 5!

Wingsofdesire · 06/03/2017 17:08

I think it's fair enough that you checked whether his parents knew about this. But when you established his mother did, then I think that was the end of your job.

I think it was v. nice of you to check he got home OK.

As others have said, you wouldn't let your child do that, but what others do isn't under your control. The school have a duty to check with the parents - they did this and parental permission was given. I think they did what they had to.

I honestly wouldn't even want an 18 year old to cycle alone to school. I'd want to know they'd got there and back. Cycling where we live is quite dangerous too in some ways. But that's my decision as mother. This other mother took her decision and ultimately it's up to her. The school couldn't interfere, I don't think.

You did your best.

isadoradancing123 · 06/03/2017 17:20

Oh my god! Another busybody safeguarding other people's children

Willow2017 · 06/03/2017 17:21

rouge:
In your situation I would say to his parents that you're really sorry to have doubted their little boy, but you thought you'd better check just in case. and I would probably add something like, 'My DC didn't always tell the whole truth at that age'.

It wasnt a question of 'doubting their little boy' it was a question of going against the parents wishes. OP was told by the school that the parent had said it was ok, not the boy. She had no right to over rule the parents at all.

Lochan · 06/03/2017 17:32

Wingsofdesire Shock

You wouldn't want an 18 year old to travel independently to school and back????

Goodness. That's erm. I don't know quite what to say.

An 18 yo is legally an adult. They can drive, fight for their country, leave home without permission but you wouldn't want them to cycle a few miles to school.

An eighteen year old is presumably shortly to either go to college/university or enter the world of work.

I genuinely wonder how on earth a adult so wrapped in cotton wool is going to cope out in the world.

I honestly feel that if my DC couldn't be trusted to travel independently at 18 that I would have failed as a parent.

Alaia5 · 06/03/2017 17:35

Do people think this is a wind up? In what way?

Lochan - yes we are in London. Obviously not Piccadilly Circus, but in the Borough of K&C which has some very quiet streets. I accept that things are different in London and other cities, I just hadn't realised how much obviously.

Alaia5 · 06/03/2017 17:41

Btw both my sons (11 and 13) go all over the place on the tube tubes and buses. I hope I'm not too paranoid. But bikes independently at 8 - never seen it in my life.

budgiegirl · 06/03/2017 17:42

My DC didn't always tell the whole truth at that age

But presumably the school told the truth.

Willow2017 · 06/03/2017 17:46

Wings
If you can't trust an 18yr old to get to school on his own on a bike then there is something far wrong!

How on earth is he going to cope going to work on his own?

Willow2017 · 06/03/2017 17:48

Alaia5
We don't all live in cities you know😉

Llanali · 06/03/2017 17:48

Wings- an 18 year old? Who could drink and go to a nightclub, vote, be in charge of an HGV lorry, fire a gun on the front line? And you wouldn't let them cycle to school. Holy hell, I've heard it all now.

PortiaCastis · 06/03/2017 17:51

Wings I've just shown my 18year old your post and she's in fits of laughter.

unfortunateevents · 06/03/2017 17:59

My 18 year old is currently working a ski season in France, looking after 3-6 year olds and flinging himself down a mountain on a snowboard in his free time. Meanwhile, in some parallel universe I apparently shouldn't be letting him cycle to school??!!

wildpoppiesanddaisies · 06/03/2017 18:12

You took him for a hot chocolate?

CountClueless · 06/03/2017 18:14

No, I think she just teased the child that they were going for a hot chocolate and he wasn't!

Astro55 · 06/03/2017 18:17

I wonder if the 8 year old has reported the strange lady walking him home? Maybe mum will think twice with these odd people about? Or reported her to the police?

wildpoppiesanddaisies · 06/03/2017 18:18

It's still pretty poor, though.

You never, EVER try to entice a child to do something with you using food or something!

Willow2017 · 06/03/2017 18:25

She didn't entice him with hot choc. Op said she was going that way to get hot choc for herself and her kid and could walk with him.
RTT

wildpoppiesanddaisies · 06/03/2017 18:31

Yes exactly - he was put in a position where he couldn't really say no.

Willow2017 · 06/03/2017 18:43

But she didn't entice him by offering to take him for hot choc as you seem to be inferring last post.