Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more from the school

179 replies

TerrysNo3 · 06/03/2017 10:23

DS1 is in Y3, one of his friends' parents work full time and the eldest DC (age 12) looks after the other 2 after school each day (ages 8 and 10). The 8 and 10 year old usually cycle home together, its about a mile.

On Friday we were leaving school and I saw the 8yo cycling up the path on his own. I asked who he was with and he explained that his 10yo sibling had already gone home as his club had been cancelled. He then said that the school had phoned his DM and she told them he could cycle home alone. I phoned and confirmed this with the school.

I just couldn't let him go on his own so we walked him home. Aside from the fact I can't believe his parents are happy with this arrangement I am really surprised the school agreed it was OK for an 8yo (who was 8 in the last few weeks) cycle home alone.

AIBU to expect the school to not blindly agree with the parents? Shouldn't this be a safeguarding issue?

Please feel free to tell me if I'm way off the mark. Thanks

OP posts:
MrsWooster · 06/03/2017 11:48

Nice of you to be worried and maybe you could have tactfully slid past his house on the way home to check he was in, with a "oh, you know how us parents Worry!," but YABU to actively override his parents and school's decision.

Caipir1nha · 06/03/2017 11:50

Worra - Ok I admit that might have sounded a bit judgemental, but surely the 12 year old's options are more limited if they need to be home every day to look after the younger two? What happens if the 12 year old wants to hang out with their friends or do a club?

I leave my almost 14 year old in charge of an almost 12 year old and 9 year old in the house for a few hours every so often, but I wouldn't put this on him every day.

We live in one of the "safer" areas in London, but I have genuinely never met anyone in 13 years of having DC who would let an 8 year old out alone. It's not so much the traffic, more the thought that someone could just pick them up and put them in their car. Maybe we're all paranoid? This could well be the case, but I am surprised it's so different in other areas.

Caipir1nha · 06/03/2017 11:52

But to be fair, you never see kids playing out in the street round here either.

whattodowiththepoo · 06/03/2017 11:53

YABVU in making him walk with you.

Megatherium · 06/03/2017 11:55

It sounds as if the reality is that he was going out of school with a load of other pupils and their parents and travelling a route he knows. It sounds like a perfectly justifiable decision on the school's part.

grannytomine · 06/03/2017 11:56

Maybe it depends where you live? My kids walked home at 8. School tried telling me my DD couldn't walk home at lunchtime. They quickly realised that wasn't the case.

To be honest I think we need to reclaim the streets, everyone being frightened to go out at night or frightened to let kids out means the baddies control the streets and no one to challenge anything dodgy. Where I live, on main route into local primary, the roads are so full of kids and parents at school times that the chances of some random stranger grabbing a child unnoticed would be pretty amazing.

Clandestino · 06/03/2017 11:56

He is 8. At that age he should be perfectly able to walk or cycle from school home if it is a short distance. You were way of the mark overstepping the agreement between the parents and the school. I would be pissed off.

00100001 · 06/03/2017 12:00

YABU.

8 years old is fine to go home alone.

00100001 · 06/03/2017 12:02

caip "What happens if the 12 year old wants to hang out with their friends or do a club?"

Then he does it later in the day? Confused

Presumably the other two kids can't go to clubs either.

katronfon · 06/03/2017 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katronfon · 06/03/2017 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2017 12:08

Worra - Ok I admit that might have sounded a bit judgemental, but surely the 12 year old's options are more limited if they need to be home every day to look after the younger two? What happens if the 12 year old wants to hang out with their friends or do a club?

It might only be for an hour or less.

Plus not all kids want to go to clubs. My DS1 certainly didn't.

Either way, this is all ifs buts and maybes. The parent and school have made this decision.

It's non of our business.

TheNoodlesIncident · 06/03/2017 12:08

It's nice of you to care OP. BUT...

If that were my dc making their own way home on their bike I would be annoyed at you for judging my child incapable. Surely their parents know their children better than you do, and if they have decided the children are all competent and sensible enough to manage, who are you to decide that they are not after all? Your child may be not be, but that is for you to judge. Not someone else's child, even if you know them.

I don't see that the school should have done more, either.

CountClueless · 06/03/2017 12:10

So despite knowing that the child was doing what his parents wanted him to, and knowing that the school had no issue with it, you still forced the child to walk with you instead of cycling home as he was supposed to?
OP, you are so far out of line that you can't even see the line.

CountClueless · 06/03/2017 12:12

but surely the 12 year old's options are more limited if they need to be home every day to look after the younger two? What happens if the 12 year old wants to hang out with their friends or do a club?

So what if they are? The 12 year old isn't the centre of the universe, he does what his parents tell him to. That's how family works.

Cuppaoftea · 06/03/2017 12:14

YABU.

If I was the parent I'd be furious the school confirmed anything about arrangements for my child with you and that you insisted on walking him home!

His Mum had said it was fine for him to cycle home alone on a route he travels every day with his sibling. She obviously feels she can trust him to be sensible, that he'll be safe. Who are you to say otherwise.

I'd be surprised if this doesn't alter your relationship with the family.

Original poster
TerrysNo3 · 06/03/2017 12:18

Thanks for everyones replies - they are really interesting. Just a couple of responses...

ZombieApocolips I am not a stranger to him, this is a DC who has been to my house for a playdate and my son has been to theirs.

I never thought of calling the school as interfering - I just wanted to check he had understood because I was surprised. A few months ago with another friend the message to her child didn't get through properly and he started walking home alone when she had expressly told them to make him wait.

TreeTop no I haven't discussed this with anyone (bar my DH) because I don't want to judge their parenting decisions. Hence this MN post.

RhiWrites I had not looked at it as overriding their parenting decisions, more that I was there and was watching him go home. I only worried that I wouldn't be able to check if he had got home and if anything had happened I couldn't have lived with that. His safety is more important to me than looking like a busybody or upsetting his parents.

In our area children tend to walk home (in pairs) in Y5. He is in Y3.

Megatherium actually because of the confusion with his brother he was the last out of school and everyone else had gone, that was the only reason I noticed him on his own.

I am definitely taking on board the feedback though. My DC in his class is my eldest and whilst I would never let him walk home alone, although I know he would be more than capable, I appreciate that everyone parents differently!

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 06/03/2017 12:22

His safety isn't as important to you as it is to his parents. You make me so angry.

heron98 · 06/03/2017 12:23

this sounds fine to me. I think 8 is old enough to cycle home alone assuming it's not ridiculously far.

Caipir1nha · 06/03/2017 12:25

Seven - I think it really varies area to area and we don't know where the OP lives.

In our area I would expect a lone 8 year old to attract the attention of the police, let alone another parent.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2017 12:25

no I haven't discussed this with anyone (bar my DH) because I don't want to judge their parenting decisions. Hence this MN post.

You massively judged their parenting decision here.

So much so, that you insisted on walking the child home, which would have made it quite clear to him that you think his mums' decision was a shit one.

Not to mention the fact you would have made him late home.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 06/03/2017 12:25

Well I saw one of DD's classmates age 8 still waiting at school gate. She'd been expecting her 11 year old brother to go home with her and he'd gone to a club instead. I interfered and checked how she was getting home and her brother had to leave the club to take her home. I think adults should take an interest when something is out of the ordinary.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2017 12:27

I don't think anyone has said adults shouldn't take an interest DoNot

katronfon · 06/03/2017 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wigglesrock · 06/03/2017 12:33

But OP you are not appreciating that people parent differently, in your opening post you say that you can't believe his parents are happy with the arrangement. An arrangement that they made with their child and the school. An eight year old walking to and getting their own way home from school would be a pretty average thing where I live. As would an 8 year old playing outside, calling for friends, walking home from their granny's etc after school on their own. My eldest started nipping up to the shop for us if we needed a loaf/milk, posting a letter etc from when she was about 8.
I would be raging if my kids school discussed any kind of arrangements I'd made regarding my kids with another parent who contacted them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread