Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more from the school

179 replies

TerrysNo3 · 06/03/2017 10:23

DS1 is in Y3, one of his friends' parents work full time and the eldest DC (age 12) looks after the other 2 after school each day (ages 8 and 10). The 8 and 10 year old usually cycle home together, its about a mile.

On Friday we were leaving school and I saw the 8yo cycling up the path on his own. I asked who he was with and he explained that his 10yo sibling had already gone home as his club had been cancelled. He then said that the school had phoned his DM and she told them he could cycle home alone. I phoned and confirmed this with the school.

I just couldn't let him go on his own so we walked him home. Aside from the fact I can't believe his parents are happy with this arrangement I am really surprised the school agreed it was OK for an 8yo (who was 8 in the last few weeks) cycle home alone.

AIBU to expect the school to not blindly agree with the parents? Shouldn't this be a safeguarding issue?

Please feel free to tell me if I'm way off the mark. Thanks

OP posts:
BeaderBird · 06/03/2017 11:05

Ahhhh, because the school is also responsible for parenting!?

YABU

Parental decision.

littleducks · 06/03/2017 11:05

I think it was nice to ask the boy and good to phone school but then inapropiate for you to then walk the boy home

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2017 11:06

Actually come to think of it now

You would have made him late by phoning the school and then walking him home, when if he was allowed to cycle at his usual speed, he would have been home earlier.

His brothers could have been very worried about him.

ZombieApocalips · 06/03/2017 11:08

Depends on the roads/paths where you live OP. Is it the distance, lack of supervision or method of transport?
Cycle paths round here are excellent so a y3 could cycle safely for that distance.

ZombieApocalips · 06/03/2017 11:10

I kind of think that a "stranger " (i.e. You) approaching and speaking to him was potentially a bigger threat than cycling home.

katronfon · 06/03/2017 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mulberry72 · 06/03/2017 11:14

I agree with Worra

AlmaMartyr · 06/03/2017 11:15

Children are allowed to make their own way home from school from Year 3 here. I don't let my 8yo do it, but plenty of others do. I wouldn't have interfered and I wouldn't have been very happy that you did if it was my DC.

budgiegirl · 06/03/2017 11:16

I think it was nice to ask the boy and good to phone school but then inapropiate for you to then walk the boy home

I agree. It's fine to check, but once you knew that his mum was ok with it, then you should have left him to cycle home on his own. You probably delayed him by walking with him, which may have worried the 12 year old who looks after him at home. And it's not ok for you to overrule the parents decision without a very good reason.

humourless · 06/03/2017 11:17

8? wow.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 06/03/2017 11:18

I've just remembered too one of the times one of my closest friends was late to pick their DC up from work. Even though the school had known we were close friends and seen us together several times. The DC kept saying I could take them home and DCs Mum had text me to ask me to take DC home for her and we'd meet her there. Even so the school insisted that they spoke to the DCs Mum in person before they let me take her DC home. So I too am a little suprised you walked him home. I get you want to make sure he's safe OP but seriously, you'd be walking everyone's DCs home around this area if you'd seen how many young children walk / cycle / scooter home from school on their own.

rogueantimatter · 06/03/2017 11:18

OP isn't a stranger - this is her DC's friend. They go to the same school. It's fair enough to doubt an 8YO. No harm in checking with the school. I'd rather someone checked on my DC if they were concerned about their safety than left them to it.

I think the official road safety ' people, Sorry I can't remember the name of the body, advise that children under the age of 10 be accompanied by a responsible person if they are crossing roads. Not sure if that applies here.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2017 11:21

It doesn't matter if it applies rogue

The parent and school were happy with the decision.

Caipir1nha · 06/03/2017 11:29

We have children of similar ages in Central London and you would NEVER see an 8 year old walking down the road unaccompanied - let alone on a bike!!

Mine started going to the local Starbucks etc on their own at age 11. They started making their way to and from school on buses at the start of Year 7.

But this child has just turned 8 and is let loose on a bike - where do you live that this happens?

Also it's quite a lot of responsibility for the 12 year old, given that he/she is in charge of the other two on an everyday basis. Surely this child should be focusing on their own homework or after school clubs?

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 06/03/2017 11:30

I've had a neighbour interfere with my parenting in a similar way (on several occasions!), making it very clear they disagreed with my decision to allow my child some freedom and responsibility. I makes me furious. I felt judged, and I feel very uneasy in any relations with this family. I think they are hugely over protective and cosset their kids too much, but I would never voice that to anyone other than my husband. They felt the need to impress their judgement on me, on my child and have told at least one other family (who subtly let me know she agreed with me).

It is absolutely nothing to do with you, so butt out.

Caipir1nha · 06/03/2017 11:30

Sorry meant to say YANBU OP and I would have done the same.

TreeTop7 · 06/03/2017 11:31

I think it's nice when parents give a toss about other families. It "takes a village" and all that.

Hopefully, though, the OP isn't now busy telling all and sundry that the parents are feckless and the school irresponsible. The parents and the school have an agreement and that's that.

katronfon · 06/03/2017 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndNowItsSeven · 06/03/2017 11:33

Juniors walk home alone in my dc primary so from age eight. I can't understand what you were thinking.

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2017 11:39

Caipir1nha Who is to say the 12 year old doesn't focus on their homework? Confused

RhiWrites · 06/03/2017 11:40

I think OP has behaved really badly. "I just couldn't let him go on his own"? She thinks her judgement overrules the school and the parents.

So OP now you know this child is allowed the bike home alone and you disagree with it are you going to insist on supervising him everyday? At what point are you going to accept the arrangements this other family made for their child?

I hope you're cool with it when people overrule your parenting choices since you think this is ok.

BeyondThePage · 06/03/2017 11:43

Purely a parental issue.

I would also have been very angry as the 8 year old's parent that the school had told you of a private arrangement.

THAT is the safeguarding issue here - THEY should not be telling YOU anything at all.

sirfredfredgeorge · 06/03/2017 11:46

Caipir1nha See plenty of it here in the London suburbs, 8 yr olds walking or cycling to the park where they play in the park, then walk or cycle home again. And of course lots just out in the street playing after school, after a club you certainly wouldn't know if the 8yr old you met was going home or just playing out.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 06/03/2017 11:47

You are way off the mark. He's 8. Perfectly able to cycle h🚲 me from school. School happy. DC happy. Parents happy.

Mind you own bloody business.

Seriously. It is getting fecking ridiculous when an 8 year old cycling home from school has some busy body phoning the school & posting threads.

Jux · 06/03/2017 11:48

I think it's really officious of you to get involed and to question the school. If his parents never speak to you again, I wouldn't blame them. How dare you?

Swipe left for the next trending thread