Can you please help me settle an argument between my children?

[TheCuntess]

Because we have tried and failed.

Our children share a room. The eldest bought an Xbox with his birthday money a couple of years ago.
We have room for one TV in their room and no more. The youngest loves it, wants to have a go, wants his own, wants to share.
The eldest, give him his due is very generous but like most people has his limits.
Ordinarily we'd tell the youngest to save for his own and this would work but this is a gaming thing and I don't know what to do.

Ah, with a 5 year old, advice will differ greatly. I'd just ignore the whining and explain 5 yr olds don't get to do gaming in the same way their older sibling does.

Sibling and I shared a room for about a year when we were younger (relative was staying in siblings room).

We had two small TVs in the room with headphones. I played computer games and DP liked watching videos. It would be easier these days with smaller flat screens to mount on the wall and wireless headphones and wireless controllers.

That said, at age 6 what games do they want to play? I also have to say, this problem of sharing the room and stuff is going to get worse in the next few years. What are you going to do when it comes to age related games OP?

But the big one wants the console to himself and I totally understand. Its the only thing he's ever said he wants for just him so it should be

But the problem is that its in a shared room, and there is no possibility of the younger one getting the same thing, no matter what he does. So how is that fair?

"no possibility of the younger one getting the same thing, no matter what he does. So how is that fair?"

Interesting point. How is this going to work when older sibling gets things first so younger one isnt allowed to get them? How about one getting an Xbox and one getting a PS4 and sharing.

I think it's fine and reasonable for your elder ds to keep his xbox, that he saved and paid for, to himself and not to be made to share it. However, the tv is a shared resource, so he has to share time on that. When it's your younger ds's time to use the TV, elder DS cannot insist on playing his xbox. Although if it's at all possible I'd get a small TV for younger ds (wall mounted or one of those little portable laptop style ones).

The joys of shared bedrooms eh. It's one of my biggest headaches as a parent and not something I expected to be a difficulty at all beforehand.

I love that people assumed children spend every waking minute on games consoles. 😄

Yesterday my eldest spent less than half an hour on his Xbox. Unfortunately his little brother doesn't forget things easily and even after the Xbox is off, he's still nagging and moaning that his brother didn't let him have a go.

He has his own little kindle which he does play with, he even has the same game on there. But he wants to play with his brother on his brothers console.

For those who assume they are on it for hours, are probably assuming it's Grand Theft Auto.
It's not. It's Mindcraft and Terarria.

scottish I actually like that idea.

Although isn't the PS4 for 'older' games? I'm a bit useless at this kind of thing so could be wrong.

It doesn't seem very nice to the younger one.

This is why my boys share a console, and no-one is allowed to hog it!

we have ds age 14 plus 2 younger siblings.

there is a PS3 that they jointly own.
ds now has an x -box which is his.
They are plugged in to the same TV in our dining room.

I have no screens, TVs DVD players or computers in bedrooms. This is actually the advice from any organisation to do with internet safety etc. We have heard it from multiple sources.
Phones allowed in rooms, but not overnight.

We are lucky that we have a dining room we can use, but I also use it for tutoring, so no x-box/PS3 until I have finished.

I think you need to allow your eldest to have his own x-box without making him share. If he does, great, if he doesn't then that is his choice.
At the same time, you should find/make space for your younger one to have some kind of console. (or, decide he can't have one until same age that ds1 had one, and stick to that) If, like at our house, they have to share a TV screen, then they have to work out either joint games, or some kind of rota. I let mine work out the rota between them, and refuse to get involved. It causes long discussions, but in the end it is written down and stuck to the wall, and they work it out. They know that if they don't stick to it, they all loose out.

I have had to change some of my rules to make this work, eg youngest gets in earlier than older two, so she is allowed on then, so that they can go on later. It also means none of them can be on for too long at a time, as they have to take turns.

You can also have one device and 2 rules, eg ds 1 is allowed x-box live, and ds2 isn't.

Unless each have their own Xbox and tv they will be arguing about this forever.

Very unfair that one controls the others gaming.

You must've known this was going to happen? What was your contingency plan?

(You will also start experiencing the problem of the younger one playing on the older ones username and ruining his score or using up his in-game rewards which will also cause a lot of strife as I don't believe you can each have a log in on one Xbox)

Just - if they are mainly playing Minecraft, you can each have your own world, and the other can't spoil it.

TheCuntess

Um. No. Each has excellent games for kids and young people and young adults and adults. Each has the fully spectrum of basic puzzle games to rampaging bloody slaughter.

I am like you, I dont get the issue with games only time in the living room in full view of everyone. Moderation and oversight and good parenting.

That said, I would make sure you know what both consoles offer.

(as an aside I think this link - from a very committed gamer who was doing a Q&A at his childs school is very useful for a lot of people - www.penny-arcade.com/news/post/2015/04/08/i-spoke-at-our-pta-about-games

Agree this should have been purchased as a joint present actually and not for one to buy alone, its not like a model match stick kit its a mind blowing super exciting piece of kit.

We did exactly that and got a joint for for our two for xmas. Its no question at all of who it belongs too.

I am a huge fan, we never had consoles prior to this xmas and its blown me away. I must admit I hate it when DH plays boring car games, but my goodness the games for the DC! Are amazing and its helped younger with speech too! I think they are amazing, my DD is amazing at school, still managed to read 6 thick books back to back over half term as well as have plenty of screen time, and learn 30 new words.

dounble maybe she went over board on it because you had been so extreme with not allowing her any screens .

Whatever the ins and outs I think its cruel to expose younger to such amazing piece of kit and not allow him on it. Older DD wants DS next, younger will also have to have one, no question.

In case any one interested this game is stunning

www.game.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/HubArticleView?hubId=956282&articleId=956283&catalogId=10201&langId=44&storeId=10151

www.unravelgame.com/en_GB.html

Sit the boys down & they can't leave the room until they come up with a solution they are willing to try, might both be able to live with. Honestly, I don't see another way to get thru this. Might have to repeat that a few times.

I don't understand the drama really.

It either belongs to ds1 or it doesn't.
It clearly does because he saved for it himself.

As such, he decides who uses it.
He very kindly lets his brother use it, fairly regularly by the sounds of it.

I'd be telling nearly 6yo I don't want to hear any whining it all, or you will decide he can't use it never mind what ds1 says.

If you buy ds2 his own because he can't understand that it's not his, then I imagine ds1 will wonder why he has to buy his own expensive gadgets but ds2 gets given them if he whines enough.

I know a family where the 2 eldest are expected to share their stuff with with the youngest because if they don't, she throws epic tantrums.
She's 9 now.
She gets first turn with almost all her siblings birthday/Christmas presents.
She's turning into a really unpleasant child.

be careful before you invest in a PS4.
At the moment (so ds tells me) you can only buy new games for it, so you can't pick up a games bundle on ebay for example, as PS3 games don't work on it.

Also, when ds was looking to decide what to get, he was lookign at x-box and PS4 and decided on x-box. He is 14, and plays on-line with his friends. None of his friends have PS4, and so he wouldn't be able to play with any of them on a PS4. So, in our house, a PS4 would have been a waste of money.

I agree TheMythOfFingerprints

You could probably get ds2 a PlayStation 3, if you look on gumtree/eBay etc you could pick one up cheap enough and hopefully with a fair few games. Did you mention it was his birthday soon? He's only 6, so would imagine he'd be ok with that.

Presumably the tv in their room is for both of them to share, and while oldest DS is on his Xbox, youngest doesn't have access to the tv either?

I don't understand the drama really.It either belongs to ds1 or it doesn't. It clearly does because he saved for it himself

And if he had his own room and his own tv it wouldn't really be an issue. As it stands ds1 uses their shared bedroom and tv for his gaming purposes, when the ds2 has no games console or can use his room while ds1 is gaming.
Seems a bit unfair to me.

If the youngest is only five/six then I guess you could explain to him he has to wait until he is ten like his brother did and then buy his own console, that he is lucky that he's getting play a console as his brother is letting him use it sometimes, his older brother didn't get to play any games at all when he was five.

That he needs to not tantrum when he can't play, maybe if he shows he can control his temper when not being able to play or being asked to switch off you can look into him saving up for a handheld like a ds. i think that Nintendo has the best variety of child friendly games especially for young children and there's some really good educational titles. If you do decide to do this you can ore owned ones quite cheap, if you find he keeps tantrum and mooding when it needs turning off etc then Id take it away. If by the time youngest is ten and he still kicks off etc I wouldn't let him have a console.

Eldest will be fifteen/sixteen by the time youngest hits ten and studying for GCSEs so won't be using the tv much then, so arguing over the tv shouldn't be as much as issue, if it is an issue I'd allocate time slots for each child, also tech could have advanced so that the consoles have in built or portable screens or whatever (the Nintendo switch has already started down this route)

There's also a chance eldest ds may have saved and bought a new console and will give youngest his old one.

I love Terraria, you can create multiple save files in that and Terraria, but Minecraft is a game she won't let cousins or little ones play unless she is there to watch as she once let five year old neice play and she loaded her world and destroyed everything. Dd has had Minecraft for five years and had spent a long time planning out dimensions and equations and was gutted when neice destroyed three years of the work. Dd still hasn't repaired it all. It wasn't malicious and neice was just having fun blowing stuff up, she couldn't read brilliantly and didn't know the world was called ONLY FOR ME TO PLAY ON...

Please tell me that ds1 does not have Xbox Live if there is a 6 year old with unsupervised access to it!

@TheCuntess

Dd has just said that your youngest can have her old Xbox360, it doesn't have wires or controller as she still needs them but I'm happy to send the console if you like? I'll install Terraria from our Xbox live account too :)

If you're concerned about eldest using Xbox live for playing and talking to his mates and youngest accessing it to chat etc then eldest can change settings and make it so his password is needed to sign in every time the console is turned on.