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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can you please help me settle an argument between my children?

182 replies

TheCuntess · 05/03/2017 19:09

Because we have tried and failed.

Our children share a room. The eldest bought an Xbox with his birthday money a couple of years ago.
We have room for one TV in their room and no more. The youngest loves it, wants to have a go, wants his own, wants to share.
The eldest, give him his due is very generous but like most people has his limits.
Ordinarily we'd tell the youngest to save for his own and this would work but this is a gaming thing and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
sm40 · 05/03/2017 20:22

I have 10 year old ds. With his Xbox in playroom thing. I have 8 year old dd. They have set times on Xbox/tablets. They then either do this together or not. They sort it out and if one going out usually use this time for sole use!! Any strops or arguments means no screen time.
I guess because it's new it's exciting there are issues. In a few months it might sort itself out. But set boundaries and be firm!

YourDaughterHasATattoo · 05/03/2017 20:24

Could your youngest save for some sort of hand held device? That way he's got his own thing to play on?
I'm not much use as my two are very little still!
I do remember when my brother and I were younger and the Nintendo hand held game thingy came out my brother bought one with his bday money and it caused no end of arguments as I wanted it too! My parents took the line that it was his and if I wanted it either he had to say yes or I had to save for my own (I did in the end). Did teach me the value of ownership and delayed gratification!
Even though my two are little I do tell them to go and sort their own arguments (and only intervene if there's actual violence) - they are getting better at resolving things slowly Grin
Bet that's bugger all help to you!

WankersHacksandThieves · 05/03/2017 20:26

When mine were 9 and 11 they didn't have anything in their bedrooms either. They are 15 and 16 now and have every console and computer thing known to man up there (seperate rooms) and the family room sits completely abandoned.

I'm not judging anyone who has them up there younger though. Not everyone has the same space/family dynamics/children/views. Op is looking for suggestions not judgement.

nokidshere · 05/03/2017 20:27

Get the youngest another console for birthday, plug into shared tv, take turns in using own console. What's the problem?
What ages are he children?

daisychain01 · 05/03/2017 20:28

Tell 'em it's a first world problem, stop wingeing or I'll cut off Wifi for the foreseeable future Grin
sorry only kidding, I'll shut up and re-lurk ...

daisychain01 · 05/03/2017 20:31

OP is lovely really. She is only makin sure her posting style isn't out of kilter with her username.

lalalalyra · 05/03/2017 20:36

If your younger DS wants to game, and you don't want to enforce any sort of sharing then the simple answer is for him to get (for birthday or save for) his own console. Then you give them allocated times to play and each console can get plugged into the sole tv, which for the rest of the time is just a tv.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 05/03/2017 20:40

I sympathise with your elder Ds having being in your younger Ds position myself. We had a shared playstation, years later we had a shared playstation 2, but when the playstation 3 came out my parents couldn't afford one for us to share. My sister got one about 6 months after launch with her own birthday/christmas saved money. It was in the dining room as her bedroom was tiny and no room for it in there. She generously let me have a go if she wasn't using it and i asked if i could have a game. (i was 16/17 and she was 18/19) but the big problem was there wasn't much storage space for saved games and with 3 of us having our own save files (she also let my dad play on it) the save space got used up. When i was 19 i bought my own TV and ps3 for my bedroom and deleted everything of mine off her ps3 so she was just sharing with my dad, but he played maybe 2 or 3 times a year if that.

Back then though online multiplayer games or games which are basically never ending (like GTA for example) weren't a massive thing so people were happy with an hour every other day or so.
These days games like fifa, GTA, call of duty and so many others can be played for hours and hours and not hit the end of the game, or can play with real life friends and have headsets to talk whilst playing, and it does make you want to play for longer more often. I ended up playing for at least 4 hours a day when i got into an online group who played together daily.

The fact is your eldest son bought this console, so it is at his discretion to allow younger brother to play at all. You already said he dislikes it and wants it as something that is just for him. Younger son sees older bother playing, it looks fun, i want a go etc and it doesnt seem fair to him he's not allowed.

Honestly i think you need to honour DS1's wishes that it is his console, and it is only when he is willing to let DS2 have a go that DS2 can play. I don't agree at all with have him buy half off DS1, that's not fair. Absolutely split TV usage equally, so each can have control of tv for say, 2 hours a day (or whatever limit you decide), and either have it set DS2 get it 3-5 and DS1 5-7, or alternate whose "go" of the TV is first, or let them decide based on the day if they want to watch TV or not. Maybe, if there is room for a second console (could it be stored under bed etc when not in use?) let DS2 save up for his own, then when it is their turn, simply switch which console is plugged in. Whether they share games or DS2 has to buy his own (more age appropriate/different interests) is less of an issue than the fact DS1 should definitely have it respected that he saved for, bought and owns the current console.

MuddlingMackem · 05/03/2017 20:41

Sorry, haven't read all of the other replies, but my solution would be to give them each a day when the television is theirs to do with as they wish. We have all consoles downstairs, as bedrooms are too small, and have had the fights. In the end each child got three days of living room tv/consoles, and the other three of [shared] computer, so they alternated each. On Friday neither got either. They don't do that anymore as they're older and share better, usually. Grin

If the other child wants their own console it would be foolish to buy another of the same. Why don't you suggest he gets either a PS4 or a Wii U and then that way both children could use both consoles as they wish on their TV day.

JamesDelayneysTattoos · 05/03/2017 20:42

I have 6 dc. 2 are boys of 19 and 13. We've always had the no tv in their rooms until they're 14. Consoles are in a separate room but I appreciate not everyone is able to do that.

When ds1 was younger his Xbox was in the sitting room. He was allowed 2 hours a day. Iirc he got his Xbox in his own room when he was 16.

Ds2 is 14 this year so will have a tv if he wants one. Xbox stays downstairs though.

Bananamama1213 · 05/03/2017 20:47

Not sure if I've skipped their ages?

You say you have no space for a second tv, how about the wall?

Depending on age, I would let the youngest watch something in a different room (lounge or my bedroom) and eldest play his game.

worridmum · 05/03/2017 20:48

so people arguing that the eldest should share his console would you also make your eldest DD share her personal make up / phone etc

Or is it only boys that have to share everything they own?

Would you make your children share there cars if they bought it themselves?

GreenShadow · 05/03/2017 20:52

Please don't shout at people trying to help you OP
You said :
theres no physical room for another tv
Why would you need another tv? Use the existing one. You wouldn't have two on at the same time anyway would you?

nat73 · 05/03/2017 20:52

I think having only 1 for 1 of the 2 kids is unfair on the younger child although I understand the older child has bought it. I would take the TV out of the bedroom and negotiate either younger child buying a share or buying their own TV (also located in another room - not the bedroom).

HostaFireAndIce · 05/03/2017 20:53

Is the TV shared, or did DS1 pay for the TV too to go with his console. If the latter, there's no issue - it's his. If the former, it's a bit more difficult as DS2 can't use the TV he is entitled to share when DS1 is using his console, which he doesn't have to share. I think DS2 buying DS1 out of 50% is not a bad plan at all, but how would DS1 feel about it?

HostaFireAndIce · 05/03/2017 20:54

And, if DS1 doesn't want to share the console, even if DS2 pays him half, but TV is shared, I would put in place some sort of schedule where DS1 is allowed to play the console, but which leaves DS2 some time with the shared TV.

attheendoftheday · 05/03/2017 20:56

Wow, this thread escalated quickly!

While I thing it's a bit mean spirited of the elderly ds not to let the younger have a go sometimes I wouldn't make them share. I would enable younger dsm to save up for his own though. And I wouldn't want the elderly dsm monopolising the shared TV.

It is hard to picture how an xbox couldn't be made to fit in a communal room or how a small wall mounted TV wouldn't fit in the bedroom, though.

PaniWahine · 05/03/2017 20:58

When we were kids, the shared game console was available for use until dinner time; after dinner was TV time. If DS1 wishes to share some of his console time with DS2, then that's fine, but his call. Coming from a large family and being the eldest, it used to wind me up no end having things I'd spent my pocket money or birthday money shared out against my wishes... before anyone trumpets rubbish about 'families share', it doesn't work well when your younger sisters both have clodhopper sized feet and you don't! I admit yo crying after one sister stretched my sandals so they were unwearable

HostaFireAndIce · 05/03/2017 21:01

PaniWahine I share your pain. My parents always encouraged forced me to share things I had saved up for myself with my clumsy sister. They rarely came back in one piece...Angry

lizzyj4 · 05/03/2017 21:08

Is it possible to get your younger son his own xbox (perhaps a secondhand one) - and would two smaller TVs fit, with earphones for each of them? They could then share games. Mine shared ok until they became teenagers, then I had to get them their own of everything in order to stay sane.

19lottie82 · 05/03/2017 21:09

The OP has said DS1 does share his console and does let DS2 use it, just not ALL the time and not to have free reign of it.

I think this is fair enough. He let's him use it sometimes. DS1 saved up and bought it himself, you can't FORCE his to let DS2 use it more than he wants to.

You could offer to "buy out" a 50% share for DS2 but realistically I don't thinking DS1 is going to agree and if he says no, you can't force him.

I think the only real solution here is to let DS2 save up for his own console and have them both in the bedroom with the 1 TV, which they share time wise equally.

Other posters are saying they wouldn't allow another console in the room.....why not? I don't think it's fair that DS2 isn't allowed to save up and buy his own console just because DS1 got in there first.

19lottie82 · 05/03/2017 21:10

lizzy it doesn't seem fair that the OP would just buy DS2 an Xbox to keep him happy when DS1 had to save up for his? If that happened I'd be VERY pissed off if I was DS1!

Jellyhanging555 · 05/03/2017 21:19

Thread reported

19lottie82 · 05/03/2017 21:20

Why?

ClopySow · 05/03/2017 21:23

My youngest bought an xbox with christmas money and shared it with his older brother who he shares a room with. If the oldest had bought it, he wouldn't have been so keen on sharing. He got massively pissed off having to give his little brother his things, he just wanted some stuff to be his. I could totally understand it.

Now that they're older, the room is split in half, they have a high sleeper each with a desk underneath. They each have a tv and a console under their bed, they share both.

They fought like fuck for a bit until I split the room, now it's very harmonious up there again. Best mates.