Can you please help me settle an argument between my children?

[TheCuntess]

Because we have tried and failed.

Our children share a room. The eldest bought an Xbox with his birthday money a couple of years ago.
We have room for one TV in their room and no more. The youngest loves it, wants to have a go, wants his own, wants to share.
The eldest, give him his due is very generous but like most people has his limits.
Ordinarily we'd tell the youngest to save for his own and this would work but this is a gaming thing and I don't know what to do.

I would say no tv in bedroom and stick to it. Not fair on little one and probably not good for either of them. You make the rules. My dd is 17 and my ds 15 and we have always said no screens in rooms. We also have no phones in rooms until 16.

This might seem harsh but it has been easy to stick to as the rule has never changed. We bought my dd a laptop for 6th form which she has in her room and will do the same for our ds when the time comes. My dd can also have her phone in her room but she leaves it downstairs at night.

Friends have had intractable problems with their dcs refusing to get off their screens at night and I am really glad we have been able to avoid that. (Not saying we dont have all the other teenage problems!) My dcs say they are glad they learnt to go to sleep with no screens, phones, internet about to spring into action. I sometimes work at night and my son's phone beeps away at 2 / 3am in it's charger next to my desk as his friends post snapchats etc. I can't advise too strongly dont let your dcs have all this stuff in their rooms at night. It's your house and you set the rules.

Yes, I don't understand people saying they wouldn't allow another console in the room. What do you do about other things such as bikes - just have one and everyone shares?

DS2 has 3 consoles/computers in his room and that's just his own room, no sharing.

When OP says the console wouldn't be suitable in the living room I don't think it was that it physically wouldn't fit more that the dynamics of the room use for the rest of the family wouldn't work with having the DSs in there gaming. I suspect that given that the DSs share a smallish room, that there is only one living space for all and OP has already said she doesn't have a tv in her bedroom.

My teens have phones and consoles/laptops/TVs in their rooms and we don't have any problems at all with it.

I would either get DS2 his own console of some kind and have it stored under his bed when not in use or just say tough shit tbh. Kids have to learn eventually that not everything in their vicinity is theirs. Don't see why they can't each have one though? Maybe a cheaper older model for the younger one? No need for another TV, just disconnect the consoles and stash them away when not using them. The TV is shared and they will have to coexist there but I would respect the older DS's request that something he has saved for and bought be just his.

Me too Sparklingbrook. Both doing well at school and gt up with one call every morning and good behaviour. Even emptied and filled the dishwasher and tidied the kitchen while I was out today without being asked. bedrooms are still a tip though

I cant believe so many PPs think the solution is yet more screens! We have one TV in the sitting room and anyone who wants to watch TV/ a DVD or play on the PS4 have to work it out, or it goes off. Most of the time they work it out, the rest of the time it goes off. This means all the family including DH and me. Although we may get a second TV for the backroom in the future, there will never be TVs and consoles in bedrooms and our rule is all iPhones etc handed over by 10pm.

The idea of everyone in a different corner of the house plugged into their separate screens is so depressing. They actually don't fight the no TV rule in rooms at all, and if DS1 is watching something DS2 doesn't fancy then DS2 will take himself off and read a book and when the reverse is true DS1 will go play the piano or Skype a mate. Isn't it important to teach them cooperation/compromise/delayed gratification?

This is exactly why I would never buy a console for a particular child.
We bought a family xbox and playstation, then there were some individual games that the kids (and adults) had, others were shared.
Time on the consoles was shared.

I don't know that there is a fair solution when one child already owns the console. I think you need to have a family meeting and get everyone to put forward suggestions.

Sil had this problem but with three boys.

Eldest bought his own and had his own bedroom, he'd ket his younger brothers have a go but was very specific about which games they could play and only when he didn't want to play on it himself. Problems occurred because the younger ones would want to play he newer titles and as there was only one game save he didn't want younger ones progressing to far and him missing out in the story. As a gamer myself I totally understand this.

So sil bought a second Xbox for the two younger ones to share in their shared bedroom, same issues ended arising, in would buy a game and the other would want to play but the one who'd bought the game didn't want their save files being altered. Buying two copies if same game wouldn't work as stuff was saved to the console and not the disc.

It would be like someone watching a movie you'd paused and when you returned you'd missed a lot and couldn't rewind to view what you missed without either starting the whole thing again or watching til end and restarting movie.

Eldest bought a third console and put it in dining room for youngest.
she always said there'd be no to in her kids bedrooms :)

woukd youngest be happy with a Wii u (you can play in the game pad and don't need to on) or even a hand held console or tablet?

Its tricky I know, gaming for me is about completing tasks and missions and challenges and following story, Ten year old dd is the same sand we have our own different consoles but some games are off limits and the person who bought it gets priority on playing it.

Wankers yes messy rooms here too, but everyone happy and getting on with it.

DS1 goes to school 14 miles away so the PS4 means he can chat/socialise/game with his school friends online.

Neither spends every single waking hour in their room staring at a screen though. It's just one part of their busy lives. They manage to do everything else too.

I'm sure it's been said but imo; tv is shared but x box is not so half the time, youngest gets to choose what to do with tv, half the time oldest does (plays his x box)

He shouldn't HAVE to share - he saved up for it and that's pretty commendable at that age. Plus telling him he has to, or letting youngest think he's entitled to it doesn't give youngest the incentive to save for big things he might want. Your oldest sounds pretty generous with time on it already.

Different issue though... age ratings on games?! What happens if the game isn't suitable for younger eyes?

If your ds1 has purchased the Xbox himself, it seems really unfair to make him sell half to his brother. If he is already sharing with his brother, I think that's as much as you can expect.

My dses (14 and 12) both have pc's in their rooms now, iPads as well. They pretty much have free reign and self regulate. I can't imagine how sharing a console would work, mine would kill each other

I honestly think the best solutions is to find a way for ds2 to have his own console or I guess you just deal with the fighting and resentment.

Sparklingbrook Mine don't go to school locally either so it is their social life - i'd like to say they don't spend every waking hour on gaming or using their computers but it sometimes seems like it - though they do emerge for food!

However, they also do an hour and a half study every night (2 hours at weekends), both do Scouts and one is doing DofE gold and the other Silver. Plus they do a very small amount of chores. They get on well and we also chuck them out for an hour each day at the weekend for fresh air and exercise.

Sounds like we have a similar set up Wankers. DS2 often spends all day Saturday playing football on the playing fields, then comes home to game.
DS1 has A levels coming up and also has a part time weekend job to work around.

So considering they have both had screens in their rooms for years it's not going too badly at all.

We must be doing something right! :o

I have 2 boys (10 and 15) who each had their own rooms before DD came along. They both had TV's and Xboxes of their own in their own room but now that they are sharing we had a similar problem. We ended up putting both tv's and xboxes into the shared room as we had just about enough room and it hasn't caused any arguments at all whereas I know there would have been uproar if they'd had to share.

Your DS1 owns the xbox, he bought it so shouldn't have to sell 50% of it unless he really wanted to (which means he's also having to give up 50% of his game time to allow his brother to play). I would suggest a wall mounted tv if possible for DS2, if that's not possible then I would just stick with DS1 owning the xbox and allowing DS2 to play it until maybe xmas when you/they could buy the newest xbox and it be a shared gift.

My dd twelve year old (I mistakenly wrote 10 last time) sounds similar to wank and spark.
She has a few consoles and PC in her room, has done for a while, she's always self regulated, very rarely goes on any during week unless it's homework related. Never complains or sulks if she has to come off for whatever reason, she does sports, reads loads etc etc.

She takes her phone in her room, she doesn't play on it and she turns everything at about seven pm anyway as she likes to read a bit before sleeping, her main reason for wanting phone in room is so she can phone for help if ever needed, such as being trapped in her room cos of fire or something.

You need a split monitor instead of a telly.

If you have no problem with 1 TV and 1 console in a bedroom what's the big deal about having 2 of each?

I would just find space for another small TV ..wall hung if necessary and earphones for each child. I've got three boys...so yes I've been there. Years of arguing and haggling and stress lie ahead otherwise. For your own sanity, it's just not worth the stress which only gets worse as they get older and hormonal and generally feel hard done by even at the best of times! Finding the cost for each child to have their own will be so worth it as you stretch out on the sofa in peace without grumpy frustrated kids bawling at each other for years to come!

(I wasn't going to have TVs in their rooms, they were only having limited screen time, the lot. I was deluded....!)

No.

We have one television in the front room and on (for Xbox etc) in conservatory and never any in bedrooms-six sons. I empathise with you and both your sons. Your elder son bought it, it's his. He shouldn't have to sell part of it f he doesn't want to (although he could charge for time on it?) and I don't think he should be made to share it if he doesn't want to. If he isn't made to, you'll possibly find he eventually will anyway? If it's your younger son's birthday soon, would he countenance maybe saving for a PSP or similar? Or a laptop with games? That way, no other TV is required and there could potentially be some like for like swapping time. There is currently no incentive for your older son to share but if there were a laptop or PSP (other systems are available ) that he could want time on too (buy different games to make it more attractive) then they could potentially do that. You'll never get them out of the bedroom but that's a different thread!

Now you're in this situation, and can't (won't) allow the tv in the lounge to be used, the only way is to get another for your youngest child.

Another console hater here. Not judging, but just imparting my experience; DD1 was NEVER EVER allowed a screen of any description in her room. Always slept well, performed astronomically well at school. Mock A levels , AS exams, projected A level grades AAA. 18th birthday arrived Easter time of A level year and she got loads of money which she chose to spend on an xbox one. I didnt like it, but thought its up to her. How life changed. I never saw her, she stayed up till the wee hours playing on the damned thing, and got BBC in her A levels and luckily scraped into Uni. I just thank God her birthday wasn't in the autumn term! Bloody awful things.

Got 12 week old twins now, and they won't be allowed screens in their rooms till they are 18 either. I know, I'm a victorian nightmare. But I don't care.