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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

509 replies

Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 10:48

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some waySad

OP posts:
spankhurst · 05/03/2017 12:58

Our wedding was just like yours. It was lovely and one person said it was the best wedding they'd ever attended. In the nicest possible way, balls to what your bridesmaids want to do.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/03/2017 12:58

If I'm invited to a wedding I don't think it's the Brides responsibility to make sure I have a proper breakfast. I stopped having adults feed me once I turned 2

expatinscotland · 05/03/2017 12:58

I don't care for cake, but love the sandwiches at afternoon tea, so yeah, I'd be stuffed.

brasty · 05/03/2017 12:59

Sandwiches and scones are enough only if you are going to eat lots of cakes and scones. No a sandwich and a scone is not enough to keep me going all day.
I have come to the conclusion that those who would be stuffed at an afternoon tea either stuff themselves with cakes, or have very small appetites.

expatinscotland · 05/03/2017 12:59

'Maybe it´s my Irish ancestry coming out, but I would be humiliated if a guest of mine had to eat a sandwich on public transport going to/from an event of mine because I hadn´t thought to offer enough food to them.'

Then don't have an afternoon tea wedding Hmm

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/03/2017 13:00

sonja it's not up to the Bride to feed her guests BEFORE the event even starts. Just HOW is she meant to do that?

PussInCoutts · 05/03/2017 13:01

It's none of anybody else's business than yours and your DH-to-be.

Enjoy your wedding. and ditch the people who try to make you feel inadequate

brasty · 05/03/2017 13:01

expatinscotland So you would eat more than one normal sandwich? Okay Confused

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 13:01

Bratty. It's an expensive afternoon tea at a fancy hotel. You get unlimited sandwiches, unlimited scones and unlimited cakes. You are free to eat until you burst, which I always do because I love afternoon tea.

It isn't just a "piece of cake"Hmm It's a delightful, fairly drawn out dining experience where you can savour eating like an utter piglet if you wish!

OP posts:
IamFriedSpam · 05/03/2017 13:01

There should definitely be plenty of food since everyone will be hungry by lunch time and will need filling up until 8 but no way do you need to provide a dinner. Lots of people will probably be grateful that they get a chance to go back and relax rather than traipsing to a restaurant for dinner. Bridesmaids should arrange a dinner in a restaurant for anyone who fancies it.

Bitchycocktailwaitress · 05/03/2017 13:01

"There's only a small number of people who will stay after 7pm, all of whom will be my family and friends. Half of them are unlikely to be hungry again.
I love the idea of staying with them all until later. The dilemma is that going to a restaurant will mean half the guests (including me) won't be hungry and eating food they don't want. That's why I wanted cocktails and chilling in bar."

If this is the case OP why don't you ask the hotel for a bar snack menu. As the hostess you can check with your guests and offer a hot sarnie or burger/pasta if they are hungry.

If most of your guests are full from tea then this won't break the bank (£100-£200 tops??) but will stop your 'helpful' bridesmaids from breaking up the party.

No need for you all to treck to a restaurant if like you say half the guests won't be hungry. Just offer your guests some more food at the hotel bar if they wish, and like your H2B says it will be 'Organic'. KWIM?

I do think brides and grooms have an obligation to ensure their guest's comfort. If you can't offer more food by dinner time then the event should finish.

IamFriedSpam · 05/03/2017 13:02

Xpost

It's an expensive afternoon tea at a fancy hotel. You get unlimited sandwiches, unlimited scones and unlimited cakes.

I would bloody love that. I'd be worried I'd be starving if it was just a few dainty sandwiches but loads of sandwiches, scones and cakes - yes please!

brasty · 05/03/2017 13:02

I have not said that the Bride should pay for an evening meal. Simply that things should be organised so they do not feel they have to stay on when they are starving. Posters have already posted about situations where they have felt exactly that.

expatinscotland · 05/03/2017 13:03

I have a normal appetite, I just wouldn't expect a host to provide me with lunch and dinner when they only invited me to afternoon tea. I wouldn't think any less of them for that, either. If it didn't suit me and I was unable to feed myself lunch and dinner, then I'd decline. It's quite simple, really.

I've been invited to afternoon tea or champagne receptions for a number of occasions. It never occurred to me to expect the host to feed me lunch and dinner, too, even if I elected to travel for the event.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/03/2017 13:03

Some people must go to crap places for afternoon tea if all they get is a sandwich and a scone.
Some places now do the sexist but delicious "gentleman's afternoon tea" which also includes non cake savouries

littlejeopardy · 05/03/2017 13:03

Your wedding plans sound brilliant and if you have told your guests what you have told us on here then guests can easily plan their meals around it. DH and I always have a full English breakfast on wedding days and pack snacks in the car - we've learnt how to stay fed!

Stick to your guns OP!

PussInCoutts · 05/03/2017 13:04

There's no shoulds in a wedding. Don't like it, don't fucking attend it.

Not everyone has the money or the time or the energy or the interest in blowing two years' minimum wage into one day.

brasty · 05/03/2017 13:04

And if half the guests won't be hungry, then that still leaves half the guests hungry. You could have a bar menu passed round at a specific time that people can choose and pay from. The issue isn't the payment. The issue is just giving them permission to eat.

PussInCoutts · 05/03/2017 13:04

Your wedding sounds lovely, OP.

KickAssAngel · 05/03/2017 13:04

I've had afternoon tea in a London hotel, and NEVER plan to eat dinner afterwards. It takes a couple of hours to plough through it all, and leaves me so full that the next morning I wake up feeling like I don't need to eat.

I really would think that most people having a big afternoon tea like that wouldn't want another meal that day.

OP - if you want afternoon tea, a few drinks, then staying in the hotel with your DH, do that. Your friends can get a couple of taxis and head to a hotel/meal/whatever around 8 pm. It's in the middle of London and they can have a ball. Let them do it. It sounds like it will maybe be a couple of taxis of your friends, not everyone, anyway. Wave them off with a blessing and then you and DH have your own fun.

We left our wedding reception at about 5 pm, and let other people decide what they wanted to do after that.

Original poster
Isthismummy · 05/03/2017 13:04

They are finger sandwiches brasty. I'm not sitting my guests down to a foot long sub of the day or anything.

Oh my God Sonjadog. I am offering them a massive and expensive afternoon tea meal at my AFTERNOON wedding reception. Who the hell feeds their guests BEFORE the ceremony??? Should I have doggy bags on the seats due the people who can't possibly survive a few hours without eating.

Honestly.

OP posts:
brasty · 05/03/2017 13:05

I like afternoon tea. And maybe it is just me, but I would not stuff myself with sandwiches and cakes unless really hungry. I would have a normal sandwich and a cake. I am surprised that so many on here would stuff themselves with sandwiches.

expatinscotland · 05/03/2017 13:06

'expatinscotland So you would eat more than one normal sandwich? Okay confused'

Yes. I'd try at least one triangle of all the kinds on offer.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/03/2017 13:06

Cooked breakfast is essential pre wedding fare!

Ilovetorrentialrain · 05/03/2017 13:06

Hi OP the day you've planned sounds really lovely.

I agree with a PP who said something like there is only one thing to get right and that's for people to be fed (if guests are hungry no matter what else lovely has happened that day that's the abiding memory unfortunately). From what you describe your appetite is much smaller than mine, but if the afternoon tea really is unlimited I'm sure it will be Ok.

For those asking for a dinner booking, can you let them know they will have to organise this themselves and give the number of the hotel restaurant? That way they get to eat a hot dinner but it's clear you're not paying.