To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

[Isthismummy]

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some way

There's NO obligation for anyone to stay any longer than they want. Nobody has to stay until groom and I leave. I might send a round email to people saying that.

It's v simple
You tell people when food is served. Recommend a hearty/late breakfast
You sort the park nibbles
You say what your plan is - that you intend to retire for the evening at whatever time
You acknowledge that you might not be hungry afterward but you will be in the minority.
But that Bridesmaids x and y are planning to book a table for dinner and anyone who wants to can join them
If you want people to hang around with you later drinking cocktails, get more nibbles sorted for 7 - 8 ish.

Send them all the link to this thread isthis ! Definitely send an email explaining that you want people to feel relaxed enough to leave when they want and just enjoy the day. Sounds lovely.

It sounds perfect to me.
I got married, had a meal then put my everyday clothes on and went to the bar. In bed by nine. 8 guests and zero stress, couldn't have been more perfect.
It's your wedding, not theirs. Enjoy your day how you want to!

I think this sounds lovely.

Just remember its YOUR day and no matter how much you try, some people you will never be able to please.

I personally love the idea of afternoon tea and champagne followed by doing my own thing in the evening (but then I'm a bit of an introvert and find all day and all night weddings a bit long sometimes)

I'm liking the email idea. It explains everything well and then people can make up their own minds🙂

I may have nibbles in library to encourage people who want to stay on and get pissed with us

Well actually my original plan was because some of my guests are introverts littleme.

Plus my oldest mates partner is in poor health and may not be up to staying on.

Whoever wants to can go out for dinner & come back for more cocktails. Other than people like Xici who want to 'eat moderately' because it's stodgy then be fed something they deem more acceptable later on, most people will be very full after a proper Afternoon Tea like that. Let the few who are make their own plans. My bet is they'll stay drinking cocktails & order bar snacks if starved. As has been pointed out, there's no shortage of places they can nip out to if they reallybwant to.

You do what YOU want. Afternoon Tea, Cocktails & whisking DH away to your lovely room 😊😊

'And no they won't have had lunch. If the wedding starts at 12.45pm and I was travelling, I would aim to get there at 12pm. That means stopping off somewhere for something to eat at 11am. Fine with afternoon tea, but no way would that be okay until 10pm.'

You'd seriously read an invitation that stated it was an 'afternoon tea' wedding and expect to be fed lunch and dinner?! You wouldn't think to pack a sandwich or the like to eat whilst traveling or in the 45 minutes you had until the ceremony? And then expect to be fed two meals when you get an invitation that says it's for afternoon tea?

The bridesmaids are wanting an evening meal because they've bee shoving their idea of what has to be a wedding down the OP's throat. And it's not their wedding!

Leave it, OP. Personally, I'd have cut event off at 5 and that makes it very clear.

Sounds like fun, afternoon the afternoon tea and starting drinking if be more than happy to stay and drink cocktails. Don't let anyone change your plan of what you want to do on your day.

expatinscotland Late lunch would be fine, afternoon tea, etc. But that would not keep me going until 10pm. Pack a sandwich? When are you supposed to eat a sandwich? In the church?

Sounds like a wonderful day. Early train, brunch at 11, fizz in the park, afternoon tea in a lovely hotel and then the latter part of the evening free to have a few drinks in the hotel bar/local area. If I got hungry again, it wouldn't be until 9/10pm, and that's fine. I found the best steak I've ever eaten in Mayfair after a West End show late at night :)

Your guests are more than capable of going to find a restaurant for later if that's what they want, but they would be wrong to drag you and your new DH along too.

Your plans sound lovely. You can make sure 18 people realise they will need a good breakfast, that afternoon tea is at three, with drinks and nibbles later for those who want to stay on.

It really does sound great, you don't need a huge long day with several meals when it is a small party, they will have had ample time to mingle and catch up already.

You can start a new trend of sensible intimate weddings. Good for you. The party animals can go on somewhere

I think an email would be perfect - keeps it low key but everyone knows where they stand. As PP have suggested, make it clear that you won't be going out 'after' but that you are happy for people to go on without you. In fact you could reference the fact that your BM are looking at booking a restaurant for the evening, so interested parties should contact them for details if they want to make a night of it

'But that would not keep me going until 10pm. Pack a sandwich? When are you supposed to eat a sandwich? In the church?'

The room is only booked till 20.00, not 22.00. And yeah, you pack a sandwich. Since you'll get there at noon, you have time to eat it somewhere, if you're travelling by public transport because you want to drink, you can eat on the train, people do it all the time.

The invitation says 'afternoon tea' so you can decline if you want a late lunch or a full meal because it says, 'Afternoon tea'. It would make more sense than to accept an invitation like this and then expect lunch and dinner and claim the host left guests hungry.

I'll have one of their invitations if they don't want to attend!

Sounds absolutely fantastic to me!

We didn't have an evening do.

We got married, had lunch, all done & dusted by 6pm so we went & had an evening to ourselves & everyone else was free to do what they wanted with the rest of the Saturday.

The point of the day was to get married-will that happen with what you are planning??!!

If yes, then there's no need to change anything imo.

I agree you shouldn't be nursemaiding your guests or providing for them outside your current plans - even those coming down from the NE. Presumably the NEastern contingent will find themselves a hotel or BnB or AirBnB the night before.

I think you need to tell the bridesmaids to book a table for themselves but offer to host others and make sure everyone knows the price/location.
Then they can handle anyone wanting to come along and not put it on your shoulders.

All a guest needs to know from a thoughtful bride is the date, times and what's on offer. And a sheet of links to good places to stay and eat, directions to the hotel and registry office and reminders about oyster cards/uber apps for those who don't visit London regularly.

Good luck. Stick to your guns. I agree with basic nibbles while you have photos taken and a statement about what you're doing - "welcome to stay with us in the library until 8."

I'm a gannet who has to eat frequently, but a proper afternoon tea defeats me; I wouldn't need a full dinner as well. Nibbles yes, especially if booze flowing freely. And if people can't summon the nous to sort an early lunch for themselves, even if it means eating on the move,or get dinner later, in one of the worlds major cities, then they need to take a bit of a look at themselves (not that you've said anyone would be like that OP, just some of the slightly helpless attitudes to shifting for yourself which are in evidence).

I would be driving. Going by train is totally different. But driving you can not eat and drive.

Serious question? Why does afternoon tea defeat people?It is a sandwich, piece of cake and maybe a scone. Or do you just all eat lots of cake?

Into central London, Bratsy?

I think if you serve a decent afternoon tea from 3 until 5, most people won't want fed again at 8 so an arranged evening meal would be a waste of time and money.
Those that have hollow legs can go out and eat at one of 50 restaurants within walking distance

Okay. Central London would drive to outskirts and tube in. Obviously if you live close to a train station would be different.

But you get there at noon and eat in your car . . . or you don't go because the invitation states it is afternoon tea so if you are expecting to be fed lunch and dinner, then it's not the event for you. If sandwiches and scones aren't enough for you, and you feel you should be 'kept going till 10pm' with two meals, obviously, an afternoon tea wedding isn't an acceptable invitation for you.

Maybe it´s my Irish ancestry coming out, but I would be humiliated if a guest of mine had to eat a sandwich on public transport going to/from an event of mine because I hadn´t thought to offer enough food to them.

On the other hand, I see no reason why you should have to pay for a meal for them in the evening. I think the posters who say get the bridesmaids to organize a meal if they want is on the right idea. Then they can arrange it with those who fancy a meal, and those who don´t, don´t.