To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

[Isthismummy]

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some way

It has a chippy?????

Why should they have to have a cooked breakfast and buy their own evening meal.

Because the invite is for afternoon tea - it's not a breakfast invite or an evening meal invite - you are invited to tea.... quite simple really

It sounds beautiful and classy to me - rather spend your money on that then on a big cheap night do so everyone can be smashed and throw up at your wedding eurgh x

OP that sounds fab to me. I have a large brunch/early lunch before going to any wedding as it can often be much later in the afternoon before you get fed (last one I was at it was 7pm!). I'd have no problem eating a mountain of delicious sandwiches and cakes and probably would not even think about food again until I was on my way home, at whatever time that would be, and then go for a chippy. I'd be perfectly happy with all that and not be complaining in the least that the B&G had not given me enough food. Enjoy your wedding and make it what you want it to be.

Also if they're coming from the north east it's only 2.5 hours on a train ... hardly a big deal

I think your plans sound perfect. I had an all day wedding last year. We had 40 day guests so relatively small for a modern wedding but I struggled to get round everyone, I was exhausted by about 7pm. It was a lovely day but I did feel like I was just a host. My fave part was seeing family and friends enjoying themselves. You don't need a massive, expensive party to see that.

I expect there was a poem in the invite too

What a shame you didn't RTFT ... you might have noticed that OP wrote "We're not even asking for gifts as I'm conscious of not costing people too much money"

I think it sounds lovely op. Presumably all the guests are adults and can decide whether to stay and drink with you or go on somewhere else. Tell your pushy bridesmaid it's your day and her turn will come. We are going to a wedding soon and there will be some guests at the evening do that we absolutely do not get on with so we are going to the ceremony and reception and then leaving all sorted between brides mother and myself all very civilised because we are grown ups. (Unlike the evening guests). Hope you have a lovely day.

Yes OP. Mayfair has a chip shop !
A poster earlier on this thread posted a link to it so I checked it out.

Your wedding
Your way.

I just have a big appetite 😨

your N.E. guests presumably will be staying over so will have had a big breakfast.

I am from the NE and can confirm that this is true.

I love afternoon tea as well - and I can eat and eat (my lack of waistline is testament to that!)

Same here Dacres - in fact, I don't have a waistline, I have a circumference (and am working my way towards an equator) .

Thank you for detailing the menu Spookle - it looks scrumptious!

Im genuinely suprised by the amount of people who would expect three full meals to attend a wedding and celebration lasting seven hours.

I know OP has said her guests are not expecting this, but I am suprised that some people feel that Op should be providing a pre wedding meal, an evening meal on top of the afternoon meal.

I know some people provide pre wedding breakfasts/lunch or whatever for the actual wedding party when they've all stayed in hotel together, it's often part of wedding package, but i thinks it's weird to expect food to be bought for you before the event has started and a third meal for after the wedding is finished.

If I'd gotten an invite that had times of event and reception from 12 - 8 including a meal, I'd not dream of expecting wedding couple to provide my food outside of that time for me. Bride and groom will have enough on without stressing about guests food arrangements ouside of their actual wedding and reception.

Op it sounds like your friends mean well and want you to make the most of the day and spend time with you for as long as possible? But if it's not what you want and would rather go back to room at 8, then it's perfectly reasonable for you to do that.

If you feel like you missed out on a big party, you can always organise a big piss up with loads of guests a few weeks after the wedding? You might enjoy it more as you want have the stress and anxiety of wedding filling the day if that makes sense. You could even renew vows in afew years and have the big night time party then if it's something you wish to do.

Can you play it by ear? Don't commit to going out after 8 and just see how you dh feel at end of day? If you feel like going out and drinking etc after 8 then just do so, if you'd rather just retire to room then just do that.

This sounds like a gorgeous wedding! I too love a proper posh hotel afternoon tea (pret a portea at the Berkeley being my favourite!) and there is so much food, people are not going to starve.... are some poster imagining the sad little trays of sandwiches, half a scone and some soggy crisps you get at the Morrisons café?!

I think the idea of the itinerary to go out with the invitation is a good one so people know when to grab some food (we did this with our wedding at 1 so suggested a hearty breakfast) and that bar food will be available for those staying on to sample the cocktails? maybe also include some dextrose tablets or Kendal mint cake for those who at risk of collapsing on the walk between ceremony and reception due to lack of sustenance

In seriousness, it sounds to me like your bridesmaids are acting (albeit misguidedly) in your best interests, i.e. Wanting to maximise your enjoyment of wedding day and evening celebrations? As others have said, may well be worth having a few local restaurants up your sleeve in case out want to carry on!

Only wedding I've been to where food was an issue was my dbs. His wedding was at 10am and party or whatever finished at midnight, it was in a remote hotel, a lot of people hadn't had breakfast as were busy getting ready and dp getting there for 10, and didn't realise that no food was available until 8pm.

Nobody actually said anything to my db but where shocked that there was no food at all, lots of guests were shitfaced as there was literally nothing to do between the actual wedding at 10 and the night time party but sit in one tiny reception room together and make awkward small talk. when you consider my Dad has form for getting drunk and mouthing off at my mum at almost every family gathering, why they thought having them sitting on top of eacher and drinking all day on an empty stomach a good idea I don't know.

Bar didn't serve food and only had quavers which had sold out by two o clock, little kids were grouchy and adults couldn't drive into town for chilly ir summat as they'd all been drinking and/or didn't want to look ungreatful and rude and make bride and groom feel bad.

Dh and I left at about five because my Dad was starting to stumble about and complain about my mum being there getting more aggressive with every pint, giving her filthy looks and I felt uncomfortable. Mum wasn't drinking because she knew she'd retaliate, she wanted to leave with me but brother would have been upset and my mum said she wasn't allowing dad the satisfaction of pushing her out of another family event,bthat she'd had enough of altering her behaviour to avoid making dad angry etc

Apparently there wasn't any actual fighting but mam said you could the atmosphere with a knife, and the food that arrived was literally one burger in a bun for the guests :)

When dh and I got married a year later we fucked off to registry office and popped in Witherspoons on way home and binge watched shit on Netflix :)

So you go at 6, could you book a private night time tour of London or something - I don't know a romantic trip on the London eye for example and then go back to the hotel when you want? That way you're leave no when you want and getting to stay where you want to stay but the wedding has officially ended as you're off and then the others can do what they like!

Literally all I can think of now is afternoon tea.

I think I'll make some scones...

I really wish all weddings were civilised like the OPs. When you get to a certain age, the prospect of being at a wedding for the whole day and night becomes a chore. Different for the young uns of course.

I would be so glad to be able to leave at 6pm or 8pm to be perfectly honest. Weddings can be tedious. Sorry OP, not personal, nor to anyone else either, it's just grumpy ole me!

When my mum got married way back in history, the wedding service was at 11am, then straight to hotel for the "Wedding Breakfast", nice lunch, few speeches and everyone gone by 4pm or thereabouts. Bliss.

Your wedding day sounds wonderful and you sound like a wonderful host. Afternoon Tea is plenty - I would love to attend a wedding like this. Enjoy your day!!

OP sounds perfect as is. Don't be swayed into extra meals/ fish and chips.

I think people who are saying they'd be hungry are forgetting that they can eat before the 12.45 ceremony. And haven't experienced the amount of food served at the likes of Claridges, the Connaught, the Westbury and the like, for afternoon tea.

It sounds very very stylish.

Perhaps you could throw your bouquet to signal the end?

People know what afternoon tea is. They know they won't be having something to eat until mid afternoon. So they can have a big breakfast, or maybe some elevenses before the wedding.

Those that still want to can go out for dinner afterwards. They'll be in Mayfair. There will be no shortage of places to eat within 10 or 15 minutes walk. Or they can go home, and pop a pizza in the oven if they're starving after all those little cakes and sandwiches.

People are not stupid. They can work this out for themselves.

Not everyone wants the standard ceremony-then-sitdown-meal-for-the-chosen-few-then-evening-buffet. Afternoon tea is fun, elegant and just as celebratory, and if it's what you want, have it! Your bridesmaids can have what they like at their own weddings.

I bloody hate afternoon tea. But I love a wedding and I love a relaxed wedding in beautiful surroundings. If I was your guest I'd be very excited about your day and know that I'd have a large brunch, a couple of sandwiches at your do and then be pleased to go with the flow after 8 o'clock. I think it gives lots of opportunity for people to do as they fancy; maybe go for dinner, go for more drinks either in couples or as a group. And it'll allow things to be completely organic and no one feels forced into group fun. Stick to your plans, they're fab.

Best wishes OP, just go for it, but say you are leaving at X time for the Honeymoon and it will all be good.

The guests will know this because you will have told them in the invite, correct?

Yes.

Up to them to go or stay at home so. No further expectations.

FGS, no wonder I Fkn hate weddings, Sorry, the B+G should just do what they want to do if there is an issue.

So much drama. FFS.

vivienne are you deliberately trying to upset the op, or just really thick not understanding what she is saying. Perhaps reading the thread might help.....

OP, just make sure they include a good range of veggie sandwich options for you and your partner.