To ask if my wedding plans are REALLY enough?

[Isthismummy]

Posted about this before, but really stressing about the fact that friends are STILL trying to get me to add more to the day.

Getting married in Central London in Summer. Registery office wedding at 12.45 and afterwards we will be walking ten minutes to our favourite hotel where we have booked the library for a champagne afternoon tea reception. We have the room for our exclusive use until 20.00 and husband to be and I have a room booked at same hotel for wedding night.

We're only having 18 guests. The plan was that we would have Afternoon Tea etc and people could either stay on until later with us if they wished to drink the cocktail menu dry, or go home if they'd had enough. We just want a low pressure, relaxed day.

However my bridesmaids think it is isn't enough. They originally tried to persuade us to organise a night time do somewhere else. We've now vetoed that idea and now that's changed to booking a table at a restaurant later on in the evening after hotel.

AIBU to be pissed off that they don't seem to think my plans are enough? We've got six hours exclusive use of a beautuful room at a four star hotel ffs! I appreciate some guests are travelling from North East and want to make a day of it, but it's making me feel really stressed and like my plans are inadequate in some way

It sounds lovely to me. Don't book the restaurant, you don't want to go, you won't want to eat, and once it's booked they'll just start pressuring you to be there. Stick to your guns.

Morphene, looks as if the curry place local to the hotel is a one starred Michelin restaurant

Thank you for the link of to check it out. Hope you have a wonderful day.

I actually don't think OP needs to provide more food, given the afternoon tea looks substantial. I certainly don't think she should book a restaurant. But the sarky comments about how much people who aren't her and her family eat are totally unnecessary. The one thing you must provide for guests if you want to be a vaguely decent host is enough food so people aren't hungry.

Sounds perfect to me! We had 16 people and NO bridesmaids. It is your day - do it your way

isthismummy I was nodding my head vigorously when you lost patience. No you are not "starting to sound rude"!!!

FFS what's the actual problem with people sorting out their early lunch/brunch, arriving at the wedding, eating an awesome afternoon tea at 3pm, then taking themselves off for a meal at 8pm? Why is this so difficult for people? Why do they need to be constantly scoffing food?

Sounds lush!

I am one of the greediest people I know.
Last summer I went to a fancy pants hotel for afternoon tea and it was fantastic. We had plates of sandwiches, scones then cake and could ask for more of any of it. Some of us did that multiple times
We ended up cancelling the dinner reservations.
The op isn't offering an M&S cheese & pickle and a yoghurt but the equivalent of a substantial meal.
I think it sounds wonderful and presumably if the guests want to eat later they can find something in central London.
What a heavenly wedding op, don't change a thing.

You need to ask yourself who's wedding is it and then just say no. It's your wedding and you need to just please yourself and your future husband. If they all want to go out after without you then they can. Learn to sat know. Pleasing people at your own cost is a habit to be avoided at all costs.

All guests coming from afar will be here the day before.

In the spirit of more clarity.

1 travelling guest doesn't even fancy an evening do and thinks Afternoon Tea perfect. 1 is going on to a holiday in Europe after, the other is happy to do anything suggested and the others are my family who think my ideas are fab.

I started this thread for evening do ideas. Not to have my entire wedding plans picked apart. Invites guests who don't like my plans don't have to come

God - some of the comments on here!! I imagine you have gone for a lie down in a darkened room, op!

brasty - you have obviously never had an afternoon tea in a big London hotel. You get loads of delicious food, it's not all sugary stuff.

I think your wedding sounds fantastic, op. I would just make sure everyone knows exactly what to expect, so any really big eaters can take themselves off to a restaurant if hungry.

Have a fantastic day!

Invited even...

We got married at a 3pm ceremony at a small hotel which was getting the ceremony prepared at lunch time. We expressly told guests that lunch wouldn't be available at this hotel beforehand, and to get something somewhere else beforehand. Yet his obnoxious aunt still turned up two hours early demanding sandwiches, and stressing poor DH and the hotel manager out with her demands. Some people are idiotic about weddings. Just act like an adult!

I'm on the verge Naicehamshop. I'm on the verge

"And if half the guests won't be hungry, then that still leaves half the guests hungry. You could have a bar menu passed round at a specific time that people can choose and pay from. The issue isn't the payment. The issue is just giving them permission to eat."

^THIS

Don't have people remember your wedding in the wrong light for the sake of a couple hundred £ of bar snacks.

Your wedding, your rules

I wasn't meaning to sound sarky Sonja. I just genuinely don't eat that much, nor do my family so it wouldn't cross my mind. To me eating two meals in six hours is totally excessive, but obviously others are different and that's fine

So I'm therefore now taking the extra food requirements into account.

I agree you should do as you like and this sounds fine.

I do think you should include some information with the invitations or send an email giving guests the itinerary. Maybe with some local restaurants listed in case they want to go for dinner.

Eating two meals in six hours is excessive! We have very different ideas about food then.

If you'd said you were providing an all you can eat buffet of sandwiches, cakes and scones, after a lunchtime wedding I don't think you'd have people saying you should be providing a full meal after your reception had finished too.

Some people in my family would think afternoon tea meant a little cucumber sarnie, a cream scone and a tea pot of tea, and probably whinge, tell them it's an all you can eat buffet and they'd be chuffed and not eating all day to "save space"

We live in the NE and would totally travel for your wedding, it sounds great and you sound lovely. Im a light eater and my dh is a hog, your wedding would suit us both, I can eat as little as I like, dh can eat as much as he likes, in the unlikely event either of us would be peckish a few hours after unlimited food we would grab something on way home at 8. No way would either of us expect you to provide another meal a few hours after providing an all you can eat type thing.

i genuinely can't see why people think you should be paying for a lunch before you're wedding and a resteraunt meal after the event is finished on top of unlimited food during the reception.

You can't please everyone, you really can't, so aim to please yourselves, those who love and genuinely care about your happiness will be happy, those who moan about you not paying for three lots of food for before, during and after your wedding, are probably not worth trying to please anyway as they will find something to whinge about anyway.

I'd love to attend a wedding like yours, it sounds lovely.

Well if you like the idea of carrying on with your guests for a few drinks after 8pm surely the best option is to go to a bar that serves both food and drink. There are plenty of places in London that will fill that criteria. That way those who want food can order some. Does the hotel have a bar like that you could book an area in for after 8?

Bitchycocktailwaitress. Guests will have to go to the bar anyway to get drinks after we've drank all the fizz. There are menus on every table and they are welcome to buy themselves extra food if they want

This thread is getting derailed to be honest. All my original post asked was if I should go to a restaurant. A suggestion made in the spirit of keeping the wedding going.

It's not about feeding everyone constantly and my guests wouldn't expect it to be. These are my closet friends and family. Not picky great aunt Jane who is never happy. It's not that sort of wedding!

Clearly we do brasty and that's fine

I'm not a big eater. I make no apologies for it.

Clarity is all that's needed, op.

And lots of deep breaths.

It sounds fab.