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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you shouldn't go to a birthday party you're not invited to

166 replies

Robinnaaa · 05/03/2017 09:25

I paid for my sons birthday party at a soft play centre. The soft play don't do exclusive hire parties so you have the party at the same time as the soft play is open.

They close the soft play centre at 5:30pm and that when the children's character (well a member of staff dressed as one) come out and dance with the child/play games with them and give out prizes.

At 5:30pm everyone left as thats the closing time. Some people take about 15 mins to leave. Except one mum with what looked like a three year old child.

She went to put his coat on when 'chase' from paw patrol came running out to greet the children. Her son almsost died from excitement!

He came running over and danced, sang and played party games with our birthday party group!

After chase left she made him out his coat on and left.

But I thought this was quite cheeky! He wasn't invited to the party and I'd paid for that entertainment. She also should have left at 5:30pm as that the closing time of the soft play.

Everyone was wondering who this random child was and he won the pass the parcel game and got the toy!!!!!

His mum didn't seem to see any issue and sat looking proudly as he joined in the fun!

I've name changed for fear I'm being truly awful here. But I was slightly miffed!

AIBU?

OP posts:
CountClueless · 05/03/2017 13:13

Actually its more about the adults that don't tell the woman its a private party, do nothing about the situation at all and then just whine about it on the internet.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/03/2017 13:14

Pass the parcel is clearly not a public event.

And clearly everyone thinks she's U to object anyway so probably just as well she didn't say anything.

Floggingmolly · 05/03/2017 13:15

No, what the mum did wasn't ok, Giles.

CountClueless · 05/03/2017 13:16

I don't think she was U to object. But she didn't object, she just stood there and watched the child join in.
I've no sympathy for people that refuse to do anything for themselves and then complain afterwards about how unreasonable everyone else is.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/03/2017 13:20

She probably just didn't want to cause a scene.

The kind of person who would allow it to get as far as the pass the parcel is probably not the kind of person who sees problem with their behaviour and probably frequently takes advantage of other people being too nice or afraid of the reaction firm the parent.

If she kicked off then the would have ruined the party.

nicp123 · 05/03/2017 13:20

Well... at least you learned a lesson! Next time, you will know that you might have to say 'Hello' to the people you don't know, ask child's name and say : "Very nice to meet you XX, now it is time for you to go with your mummy, we are having a special private party here. Bye-bye!"

jamont0ast · 05/03/2017 13:21

Playing with the characters wouldn't bother me, an extra child having a cuddle and playing along doesn't cost any more, pass the parcel was very cheeky though.

CountClueless · 05/03/2017 13:23

Rubbish, she just was being a wimp.

Summerisdone · 05/03/2017 13:26

Technically YANBU as it was entertainment you had paid for and the child wasn't an invited guest. Just one 3 year old though wouldn't have bothered me, if anything I'd have probably invited them to stay longer. If there were a few different children then I wouldn't have accepted it, but just one very excited kid really wouldn't have bothered me

IvyLeagueUnderTheSea · 05/03/2017 13:28

No one told her it was a private party and she needed to leave.

Well who do you think was going to tell her? The staff don't know who is invited. Other parents might well have thought she was family and that was why they didn't know the child.

It isn't the child's fault an anyone would feel bad saying to a 3 year old, 'no you can't play, this is for other children only' but it was up to the mum to take him away.

user1483387154 · 05/03/2017 13:35

It is definitely not something I would do with a child and think it is really cheeky.
In your situation I would probably have said something but made it clear that although I would allow her child to meet the 'character' she would then need to leave as it was a private party. However it was your choice to allow it to continue. At least she gave the prize back

honeyroar · 05/03/2017 13:36

I think that the centre was most at fault here, they ought to have had signs out that there was a private party at 5.30 and they ought to have made sure all regular clients had gone before bringing out the character.

I think the mother could hardly have stopped her little boy from running over and hugging the character, and having a little excited dance, however she ought to have stopped him from playing the games, saying "ok we've said hello to Chase, but we've got to go now, this is someone's party and we don't know them.." Did she actually realise? Perhaps shed not been to that soft play before and thought the character was for everyone?

OSETmum · 05/03/2017 13:48

I don't think it was a problem that he came over for a cuddle/ dance but his mum should have taken him away when the children sat down for pass the parcel.

LucklessMonster · 05/03/2017 14:04

I've no sympathy for people that refuse to do anything for themselves and then complain afterwards about how unreasonable everyone else is.

Precisely.

Grow a bloody backbone, OP.

littlefrog3 · 05/03/2017 15:22

I have say, this happened when I had parties for my 2. Kids would gatecrash in maccies and playbarn, and tbh I didn't really care. Gave their stressed and frazzled mother(s) a wee break, and made the child happy. I can't see an issue tbh. Plus, the more the merrier! Grin

TheRealPooTroll · 05/03/2017 19:55

The op shouldn't have been put in the position of having to tell the boy he shouldn't be there. That was his mums job. Maybe she was waiting for the op to say something so she didn't have to be the bad guy?
I don't think anyone would begrudge an excited 3 yo a hug/photo/little dance with a character but letting them join in the party games is beyond cheeky - whether she gave the prize back or not.
To all the people who think the op is u for not turfing the boy out do you generally think it's ok to look on while your kids do things they shouldn't be doing so long as the people they are being rude to don't say anything?

MrsTarzan1 · 05/03/2017 20:17

Dancing and seeing Chase is fine but joining pass the parcel is not!

TathitiPete · 05/03/2017 20:18

I have say, this happened when I had parties for my 2. Kids would gatecrash in maccies and playbarn, and tbh I didn't really care. Gave their stressed and frazzled mother(s) a wee break, and made the child happy. I can't see an issue tbh. Plus, the more the merrier!

Colour me anxious but I'd be worried that something might happen to the child (fall over, get bumped into, what have you) and then the parent would be out for my blood because I should've been supervising better! Blush

LucklessMonster · 05/03/2017 20:25

To all the people who think the op is u for not turfing the boy out do you generally think it's ok to look on while your kids do things they shouldn't be doing so long as the people they are being rude to don't say anything?

No, the other woman was a twat.

But I have zero sympathy for people like the OP who stand by and allow people to take the piss. Especially when they look for sympathy online afterwards.

esmaesmomma · 05/03/2017 20:26

You're being mean OP! It was a 3 year old bless his little heart l think it's cute!

doesn't sound like your child minded too much so what's the issue if anything it's helping your child to learn to be kind and include others.

I hope you didn't take that ptp present back!

dowhatnow · 05/03/2017 23:12

Can't believe the Op is being mean" comments.

The child shouldn't have been there. End of.

A couple of minutes, fair enough. That's it. If that makes me mean, so be it,

PlanIsNoPlan · 05/03/2017 23:20

It's not about the kid though is it. (Re: Giles above). I guess not if adults book a soft play with pass the parcel as their party choice

ittakes2 · 05/03/2017 23:26

I agree with you, it was wrong of the mum to let her son join in.
I think someone's suggestion of the character offering a quick hello to the little boy as he was excited makes sense - followed by a staff member politely letting the mum know the place was closed and this was a private party.
Yes, its lovely the little boy had a nice time - but younger excited kids do tend to get the attention which clearly happened since he won the pass the parcel. While its nice of the mum to give the present to the birthday child - it clearly demonstrating though that she knew it was a private birthday party as she was feeling guilty!
You paid for the party - you shouldn't be expected to be OK about another child joining it if you weren't. I'm guessing you spent the entire time wondering if this lady was going to do the right thing and remove her child - and you did this instead of relaxing and enjoying watching your child and friends enjoy themselves.
I think its a bit sad when parents are more interested in making sure their child gets what they want rather than doing the right thing!
I'm sorry I hope you feel confident enough now to speak up next time.

cheeeeselover · 05/03/2017 23:30

How old were the other children at the birthday party?

AppleMagic · 06/03/2017 00:10

I've got a three year old (in fact only just 3) baby Hmm. There's no way I'd have let him stay longer than a quick meet and greet at most. He might have a tantrum but it definitely wouldn't be the first one that day and id just carry him out.

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