Is this an excessive amount for workplace money collection?

[StopBloodyClimbing]

One of my colleagues is getting married next month. We're a small team, there are only 8 of us. We works shifts and because of the days we work I have only worked a handful of shifts with the person who is getting married. I like them though, just haven't spent much time with them. The whole team get on okay buy we're not really friends, just colleuges.

Normally when we do a money collection for gifts it is about £5-10. It's only ever been for people leaving/having babies though, there hasn't been a wedding one before.

My manager has decided for this one we should all put in £35. I was . To me this is a lot of money at the moment. I work one or two short shifts a week for minimum wage, have two dc and am expecting dc3. Dp had recently had to take a pay cut so we are skint. £35 is pretty much a week's wages for me. My manager (bit of a bully and not at all approachable) keeps reminding me to bring in my money next week and reiterating the amount.

AIBU to think it's excessive? I genuinely don't know. A few years ago I would have just paid up no question but things are so tight at the moment I think that my judgement has been skewed somewhat.

Please don't put that amount in. Your family need it!

To put it in perspective, I've just put in £25 for a very very good friends collection for her 50th and we have an extremely high income. £35 for a very slightly aquantaince is ridiculous.

I think £5 is more than enough. And in any case it is quite wrong for Manager's to dictate what amount people should put in. Or say you've decided to buy your own present and won't be contributing to the group one. Absolutely don't cough up £35.

"I've already bought my gift and card" - no further explanation needed

Outrageous amount. Tell them NO!

We recently had a collection for a colleague's 50th, and the person organising it asked for £10 each. I don't much like the birthday person (a slightly creepy bloke) and said I was happy to contribute £5, but couldn't afford more. No-one batted an eyelid, and others then said they would prefer to put in £5 too.

Take in a tenner and if he questions it say if you want more you will have to give me a pay rise as I'm part time and 35 quid is almost a whole weeks wage for me,

Outrageous! I hope your twat of a manager hasn't tried to make you feel too bad!

YANBU. Outrageous.

They wouldn't suggest that much if you were all top lawyers

They would, actually. Last wedding collection we had in my workplace, one of the senior partners "suggested" we all put £130 in. Absolutely fucking ridiculous, but it's a small firm and no one dared going against the flow.

You paid it, didn't you

What an awkward position to be in, but of course £35 and the demanding tone is ridiculous!!! Hope you're OK!

Hope you got out of paying this. We put in £2 for birthdays and a fiver for big occasions like weddings. But there is no pressure and if you can't afford it at the time you can just sign the card and opt out. We are all on decent ish wages. If someone suggested £35.00 to us we would think it was a joke and when we found out they were serious, we would all point blank say no and offer a reasonable amount. Poor you to work for someone so inconsiderate!

I couldn't afford that much when my best friend got married so no way on earth would I put that in for a colleague!

Hell no. Theres no way i would be putting in £35.

It's a vast sum for any workplace. If you're pt on minimum wage it's almost a joke.

Awful bullying tactics. Should be up to you - £2-£5 and say that's what you can afford.

I think I would be like well I too 35 quid as a percentage of your weekly income and then calculated proportionately what I should contribute and hand over a quid

How did it go?

Even £10 is too much! The directors at my company (on £200,000+) give a tenner! Everyone else (on £40,000+) give £2-£5.

They wouldn't suggest that much if you were all top lawyers

They would, actually. Last wedding collection we had in my workplace, one of the senior partners "suggested" we all put £130 in. Absolutely fucking ridiculous, but it's a small firm and no one dared going against the flow

I've spent my whole career in blue chip firms - never come across anything like this. It's always just an anonymous envelope passed round.

There was a very short lived suggestion that partners only would make a gift of £50 each for another partner's wedding but that was firmly stomped on.

YANBU that is a crazy amount for a colleagues collection!

Op, it's unreasonable of your manager to expect and by sounds of it hound you to pay the £35! However, I do appreciate how uncomfortable collections and specific 'stipulated' contributions are. I work part time in an office of professionals and since Christmas I have paid £65 in 'collections', we have alot of students training with us and also a few agency workers and each time one of those has a birthday or leaves we are expected to 'put in'. For 2 of the agency workers they each had a birthday, Christmas and leaving present and also one of them was a bit down one day so again I had to chip in for flowers and chocolates! One lady makes cakes a few times a year and although due to me being part time and not being around 99% of time when cakes are brought in, I'm again asked to contribute or more often a colleague will make a contribution on my behalf and then ask for money on my return!! I'm not tight with money but I do not have alot of spare money and have young children so I do struggle. Also my birthday falls in a holiday period when I'm off so I've only received a birthday present once! I need a new job :/

He is the manager earning more. He should put the £35. Who is he to assume everyone can afford that amount.

It does depend - agree it sounds a bit bullying, however we had this once when a gift had to be chosen and purchased from a high street stores wedding list. The resultant bill was then divided equally- we were not by the brides gift selection policy going to be able to just chip in or buy our own - the cheapest item left was £20 each, so that's what we as a team -therefore binding each other/ chose. If I'd opted out that would be £160 to buy the cheapest gift left for myself. If it gets very dear we sometimes go wider than the immediate team. But no our boss will not make up the shortfall, he doesn't choose what we are getting or who we are collecting for , and to be fair whilst he's paid more he has a bigger family and longer commute than any of us so probably has no more disposable income than the rest of us. I think the issue is we should just have less in the way of collections, save it for the big occasions, we have about 19 sponsorship, birthdays and leavings a month! Xmas and bloody secret Santa is a nightmare. It would also help if people appreciated they are just going to get rubbish and stop stipulating gift list - I can't remember the last wedding I could choose what I wanted to give without having to pick it off some twatty expensive over stipulated JL or HoF online site. If your lucky they may have seperately specified £20 gift cards so you can just pay £20 towards what they don't get bought by others. Most don't though- they just want that specific dinner service for 6 places.