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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an excessive amount for workplace money collection?

241 replies

StopBloodyClimbing · 05/03/2017 08:29

One of my colleagues is getting married next month. We're a small team, there are only 8 of us. We works shifts and because of the days we work I have only worked a handful of shifts with the person who is getting married. I like them though, just haven't spent much time with them. The whole team get on okay buy we're not really friends, just colleuges.

Normally when we do a money collection for gifts it is about £5-10. It's only ever been for people leaving/having babies though, there hasn't been a wedding one before.

My manager has decided for this one we should all put in £35. I was Shock. To me this is a lot of money at the moment. I work one or two short shifts a week for minimum wage, have two dc and am expecting dc3. Dp had recently had to take a pay cut so we are skint. £35 is pretty much a week's wages for me. My manager (bit of a bully and not at all approachable) keeps reminding me to bring in my money next week and reiterating the amount.

AIBU to think it's excessive? I genuinely don't know. A few years ago I would have just paid up no question but things are so tight at the moment I think that my judgement has been skewed somewhat.

OP posts:
listsandbudgets · 05/03/2017 08:40

Your manager needs a reality check. Can you email her

Dear Manager

Last week I earnt £35 from my shifts. I have 2 children, another on the way and my dp has recently taken a paycut.

We are already choosing between heating and eating.

This being the case I hope you now understand how distressing it is that you keep pushing me to pay my entire weeks income towards X's wedding present. Obviously I wish her well but I can not afford it at the moment.

Regards

Stopbloodyclimbing

PS Any chance you can roster me on for some extra shifts over the next few weeks please?

aquashiv · 05/03/2017 08:40

Say happy to pay ten pounds but I'm not paid enough to put in more.
That's just bullying.

TheWitTank · 05/03/2017 08:40

No, that is a ridiculous amount of money. Just be honest. Say you can't afford that, suggest £10 per person (bet the rest of the team feel the same way as you!) or say you will opt out and buy your own gift.

Saucery · 05/03/2017 08:40

I'd be horrified if I found out pressure like that was being put on colleagues for a collection for me.
£5 or £10 max and say firmly "That is all I can spare this month." No "sorry" or further explanation.

OSETmum · 05/03/2017 08:40

That's ridiculous! If either brazen it out and put in a fiver or opt out all together and buy her a small gift yourself.

Original poster
StopBloodyClimbing · 05/03/2017 08:41

Yes we were all invited to the evening part of the wedding. Everyone else is going but I can't because it falls when I have something else on.

Fwiw I'm getting married next year and would be mortified to think of people putting so much money in.

OP posts:
anyoldname76 · 05/03/2017 08:42

thats ridiculous, are you invited to the wedding?

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 05/03/2017 08:42

YADNBU.

It's weird of your manager to stipulate the amount at all, and it's a crazy amount to ask. By the sounds of things, my colleagues and I earn quite a bit more than you and collections are always at the discretion of the person putting in. I've only put in more than £5-10 on one occasion, when a very dear colleague was leaving, and even then it was a lot less than £35! I certainly wouldn't put in £35 for a bloody wedding.

wobblywonderwoman · 05/03/2017 08:43

Say you are buying your own present. Don't back down.

Summerof85 · 05/03/2017 08:44

YANBU. No one should be forced to give money to something. The most I would give is £5 unless it's a very good friend. Sometimes I give individual presents to people, Aldi do nice prosecco for just over a fiver Smile

JustSpeakSense · 05/03/2017 08:46

I would tell manager I can't afford to pay £35 (that would leave me without money for food) but I will pay it off in instalments and can only afford £10 this month.

Hopefully that will highlight how ridiculous this request is!

You really should have spoken up immediately when this was discussed 'no I'm afraid that's far too much for me, Count me out. I'll buy colleague a card and little something on my own thanks'

clarrylove · 05/03/2017 08:47

Ask him if he is the equivalent of his week's wages!

BalletZeus · 05/03/2017 08:47

If your manager wants to give £35 or £350, that's up to them.

No way on earth would I give £35 towards a colleague who was getting married.

£5 -£10 is ample!

I forbid you to give more!! Grin

clarrylove · 05/03/2017 08:49

'Giving the equivalent'

Vegansnake · 05/03/2017 08:49

I never join in ,in these situations,I always say,NO I will buy my own gift...then I do buy something nice,but not expensive..

user1471521456 · 05/03/2017 08:50

Agree with wobbly. Say that you have decided to buy your own present.

StealthPolarBear · 05/03/2017 08:54

Agree with saucer. You do not need to justify this!

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 05/03/2017 08:54

Pay what you can afford.

Original poster
StopBloodyClimbing · 05/03/2017 08:56

I should have spoken up when it was first mentioned but to begin with I was confused because I thought that it was £35 between all of us, so about a fiver each. Then when I realised it was each I just stood there like a wally pulling this face Shock

OP posts:
Glossolalia · 05/03/2017 08:57

Sad this is a completely unreasonable request from your manager.

I think it's really odd that he is stipulating the amount.

Does she have a wedding gift list? Maybe he has chosen something on there [clutching]

Also, surely he knows how much you earn so knows it would be odd to ask a mother of 2 +1 on the way to pay in her weekly wage?!

Confused
2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 05/03/2017 08:58

If finances are as dire as you suggest right now and £35 is not very much to feed a family for the week, then your suggestion of £10 is too much as well.
Your manager is being totally unreasonable. I would tell them that you will be contributing what you can afford in the time honoured way of putting an amount of your choice in the envelope and signing the card.

Some coins will be sufficient.

hmmwhatatodo · 05/03/2017 09:01

Workplace collections are interesting. In my place, I'm sure it used to be the case that everyone was asked to put in what they wanted and then something was bought with that money - no idea if it was topped up.

Then a senior person left and it was decided that even though he was already earning enough and going on to an even higher paid job, we should all put in a decent amount so as to buy him a super swanky set of gifts. No thanks.

Now it seems that someone goes out and spends whatever they think is a good amount ( we never actually find out how much was spent) and then we are all told over and over again to HURRY UP AND PAY.

Coldilox · 05/03/2017 09:01

When I got married my work got me gift vouchers and the total amount meant that my team had put in an average of about £4 each, so some probably stuck a fiver I. And others a few coins. That was plenty, I wasn't expecting anything. I'd have been embarrassed to have received a gift that meant they'd put in £35 each!

FrancisCrawford · 05/03/2017 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NormaSmuff · 05/03/2017 09:02

what on earth are they buying for £350?

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