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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an excessive amount for workplace money collection?

241 replies

StopBloodyClimbing · 05/03/2017 08:29

One of my colleagues is getting married next month. We're a small team, there are only 8 of us. We works shifts and because of the days we work I have only worked a handful of shifts with the person who is getting married. I like them though, just haven't spent much time with them. The whole team get on okay buy we're not really friends, just colleuges.

Normally when we do a money collection for gifts it is about £5-10. It's only ever been for people leaving/having babies though, there hasn't been a wedding one before.

My manager has decided for this one we should all put in £35. I was Shock. To me this is a lot of money at the moment. I work one or two short shifts a week for minimum wage, have two dc and am expecting dc3. Dp had recently had to take a pay cut so we are skint. £35 is pretty much a week's wages for me. My manager (bit of a bully and not at all approachable) keeps reminding me to bring in my money next week and reiterating the amount.

AIBU to think it's excessive? I genuinely don't know. A few years ago I would have just paid up no question but things are so tight at the moment I think that my judgement has been skewed somewhat.

OP posts:
EnormousTiger · 05/03/2017 10:31

These work collections are getting out of hand. First of all they should be voluntary anyway. Why not just have a private word and say you are a bit short of cash so will be unable to contribute but if they want you to do any of the donkey work such as choose the card or search present options on line you will do that).

MillionToOneChances · 05/03/2017 10:34

The trouble is, it's not so much a work collection as it is a bunch of people going to a wedding together. £35 is far less insane in that context.

flumpybear · 05/03/2017 10:35

Cheeky cow!!! No way would I put £35 in- £10 is more than sufficient - tell her you're not in a position to give £35, as much as I'm sure you'd love to be, because otherwise you'll be getting into debt or your food budget will be wiped out - if she Moans at you, have something to come back with, but definitely discuss with HR

GirlElephant · 05/03/2017 10:35

I've worked in several places and the norm is usually just to pass out an envelope and let people put in what they can. That way people aren't stretching themselves financially or by putting in more than they wish based on their relationship with that person.

The exception to that is that I'm part of a management group so when we do a group gift within ourselves we'll say do £8-£10 but only once everyone has agreed that's ok.

£35 is far too much to expect and as it's coming from the manager it could put people under undue pressure to confirm. Suggest a collection & decide on the gift once everyone has donated.

Gazelda · 05/03/2017 10:36

If 7 of my colleagues who I knew to be on low wages gave me a wedding gift to the value of 250, I'd be absolutely mortified.
I really think you should report this bullying to HR, and email the manager to explain why the £35 is unaffordable to you and unreasonable generally.
I can almost hear the conversations she's going to be starting between the team when the time comes to do a collection for your baby Sad

GirlElephant · 05/03/2017 10:36

Sorry forgot to say it also sets a precedent for future gifts

Sunnysky2016 · 05/03/2017 10:38

I've never heard of any one outing in that much. Just throw in a fiver and tell her you can't afford more. If she's that concerned she can put in the other £30. £35 sorry but that's taking the pee

PrancerForHoney · 05/03/2017 10:41

I can sympathize as I worked somewhere where at Christmas our entire December tips were taken away by the Manger to be put into a Selfridges voucher for the very wealthy boss.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 10:43

Just say no. I don't see the issue. The 35 can only ever be a recommended amount and not a compulsory one.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo · 05/03/2017 10:45

Outrageous. Remember the MN mantra: "that doesn't work for me". No excuses, no justifications. Followed by "here is my contribution".

DJBaggySmalls · 05/03/2017 10:45

If you are on minimum wage put in a pound. Dont leave it on her desk with a note, just give it to her and ignore any fallout.

Prancer, in the UK taking your tips away is illegal.

foxyloxy78 · 05/03/2017 10:46

Pay what you can afford and don't be bullied into paying a penny more! Your manager is an ass.

Original poster
StopBloodyClimbing · 05/03/2017 10:46

To be honest I'm not even expecting a present for dc3 when they arrive. It's only been just over a year since dc2 so I wouldn't want them putting money in again so soon!

Can't do it via email unfortunately. We're not office based so communication is all face to face.

OP posts:
PrancerForHoney · 05/03/2017 10:47

Pressed send too soon...
She would also regularly ask for £25 each from the four of us as presents had to be to £100 vouchers ( So by my reckoning she didn't contribute at all). Seriously! Except my birthday, which is just before Christmas so I got a bottle of wine as no-one had any money.

HollySykes · 05/03/2017 10:49

This is too much. Collections are out of hand where I work. We have ten branches and for some reason our managers expect us to contribute if someone in another branch has a baby etc. Often we've never met them!

ChickenVindaloo2 · 05/03/2017 10:49

Say "I go to work to make money, not to give it away" or "I don't remember receiving a fixed penalty notice, why are you fining me?"

Speak up, OP, you might help someone struggling even more than you.

PrancerForHoney · 05/03/2017 10:50

StopBloodyClimbing
You sound like you work in my old place! Put your foot down. I did finally by walking out but that's another story ( she was a racist bully).

monkeywithacowface · 05/03/2017 10:53

I hate this sort of thing and I understand how hard it is to say no but I really think you need to make a stand and like others said do it via email. DH's family have form for this type of shit and it's taken a while but they know not to ask us anymore for contributions to joint gifts and that we will sort our gifts out. It's horrible though because somehow you end up feeling mean and tight

jelliebelly · 05/03/2017 10:55

That's a ridiculous amount for a work colleagues collection whether you can afford it or not! Tenner max then up to individuals if they want to take their own gift too. Bonkers.

Purpledaffodils · 05/03/2017 10:56

£35 is absolutely ridiculous. It's more than I would spend on a gift for any member of my family apart from my children.

I would take the advice given and email your manager saying it's more than you can afford. If he gets arsey about it go to HR.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 05/03/2017 10:56

I'd just say 'Having spoke to my dh regarding finances, as we are saving for maternity leave. Iv decided to opt out the group present and will get my own'

Get her a bottle of prosecco for a fiver.

magentastardust · 05/03/2017 11:40

I am going to go slightly against the grain here....I completely agree that £35 for a collection from work is way too much especially as that is practically your weeks wages from there...I had similar last Christmas where I worked in a shop on Saturdays only (extra cash to pay for xmas, kids extras etc) one colleague wanted us to put in £30 each for a present for the boss.
It was very awkward and in the end a few of us managed to stand up for ourselves and put in less and explain we couldn't afford anymore -(This is also not as easy as everyone says it as it then meant that other people had to put in more to make up our lesser amount as they had a set amount in mind).....However the only thing I would say is that is maybe your manager is looking at this differently -ie not as an office whip round for a colleague getting married as a goodwill gesture but as a group present,as you are all attending the wedding as guests so as an easier way to buy a present for the couple rather than lots of individual gifts.

I guess if you were invited to a wedding £30/£35 is not an unreasonable amount to take in vouchers as a gift for an evening guest attending. You probably wouldn't give £5 or £10 in cash/vouchers. However where the waters are muddied is that you hardly know the person nor are you attending the wedding as you can't make it - Is there anyway you can get away with saying that as you aren't attending you aren't going to be putting into the group present but then get a card a bottle of prosecco to give to the colleague ? Either way you shouldn't feel bullied into giving an amount that you can't afford or don't want to give. Good luck.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/03/2017 11:52

"(This is also not as easy as everyone says it as it then meant that other people had to put in more to make up our lesser amount as they had a set amount in mind)....."

Well they shouldn't buy the present until they have a good idea how much money they will have and then buy something for that amount.

Isthereanybodythere · 05/03/2017 12:05

If the manager had rallied everyone around and explained wouldn't it be lovely if we could get xx such and such for her wedding, and everyone was on board with it, that would be different.

Instead the mgr is employing school bully ' give me your lunch money, or else! ' tactics, which the op absolutely should not stand for. The op has already explained that she is unable to go the actual wedding, for which she has received an evening invite only. £35 for a gift to an evening reception is OTT for a colleague, especially if you are on minimum wage. I would cringe in the knowledge, if I was the recipient.

The op should visualise this horrid woman stealing food out of her childrens mouthes and use that image to muster a bit of anger to put her foot down and say 'no that doesn't work for me blah blah blah'.

Alternatively, take your dilema to HR and get a bit of 'advice' and let them sort her out.

Goodluck op, be brave!

FrancisCrawford · 05/03/2017 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.