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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an excessive amount for workplace money collection?

241 replies

StopBloodyClimbing · 05/03/2017 08:29

One of my colleagues is getting married next month. We're a small team, there are only 8 of us. We works shifts and because of the days we work I have only worked a handful of shifts with the person who is getting married. I like them though, just haven't spent much time with them. The whole team get on okay buy we're not really friends, just colleuges.

Normally when we do a money collection for gifts it is about £5-10. It's only ever been for people leaving/having babies though, there hasn't been a wedding one before.

My manager has decided for this one we should all put in £35. I was Shock. To me this is a lot of money at the moment. I work one or two short shifts a week for minimum wage, have two dc and am expecting dc3. Dp had recently had to take a pay cut so we are skint. £35 is pretty much a week's wages for me. My manager (bit of a bully and not at all approachable) keeps reminding me to bring in my money next week and reiterating the amount.

AIBU to think it's excessive? I genuinely don't know. A few years ago I would have just paid up no question but things are so tight at the moment I think that my judgement has been skewed somewhat.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 05/03/2017 12:13

Definitely say something as otherwise this will become precedent and £35 will be the amount demanded for every birthday, wedding etc

Fanciedachange17 · 05/03/2017 12:18

No way should you be forced to give over one weeks wage to this bully. I think you have to be brave and make a real fuss. What do your work colleagues say? Just say "No" and refuse to justify or explain. A quiet and firm "No" everytime she asks - and look her straight in the eye without smiling. You need that money for your dcs.

Diel · 05/03/2017 12:19

That's entirely unfair on you. Give what you can op and don't feel remotely bad.

ImperialBlether · 05/03/2017 12:22

I think that bullying staff to hand over money is an HR issue, OP. I would go to HR and tell them exactly what you've told us - that it's left someone without any money for the month, that you wouldn't have money for food, that she knows you're completely broke - all of it.

I'd be very surprised if that collection isn't stopped immediately and money refunded.

louloulottie · 05/03/2017 12:23

That is shocking. I work in an office environment & we do collections for people leaving etc. No way would I put in £35 for an almost stranger! It's ludicrous! I spend about that on Xmas presents for each of my family members ( I'm not tight I just dont believe in going OTT and I get small items they need/ like ) what an awful boss, not taking any bodies financial situations into consideration. Yes that's way too much. I would just hand over the £10 and be done, stating that you've had unexpected costs to pay for this month. In our place £5 each would have been more than enough to contribute for a wedding ( small ish gift nothing silly ) I'm in shock that your boss actually kind of demanded this. Idiot. Doesn't deserve to be in management, obviously has no people skills whatsoever.

KoalaDownUnder · 05/03/2017 12:26

Just no!!! That's just bollocks.

All office collections should be anonymous / chuck whatever you can afford in a communal envelope!

pigsDOfly · 05/03/2017 12:40

Everyone should put in what they can and want to afford. Don't let the bullying manager railroad you into handing over this ridiculous amount of money.

You say it's almost a weeks wages, I think you can safely bet the manager won't be handing over a weeks wages.

Give what you feel is acceptable. If he/she gets nasty just stand your ground, you are not going to give more, and report the bullying to HR.

TupperwareTat · 05/03/2017 12:42

I always say, I will get my own card & not contribute.

Longdistance · 05/03/2017 13:30

I'm in absolute shock at this op.

I wouldn't give £35 for my colleagues, and I've been there 2 years. That's what I'd spend on a close friend that I'd known a while, but not a work colleague that I'd barely knew, that would be ludicrous!

Don't let them bully you into it, that's just shitty behaviour on their part.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/03/2017 15:38

Just say no you can't afford it

Offer what you want or say you will buy own pressie

Sure colleague would be mortified if knew all being bullied to pay £35

Littledrummergirl · 05/03/2017 16:03

Send your manager an email confirming that they are demanding a payment as part of your role within the team.

When they confirm this in writing point out its an unauthorised deduction of salary and will take you below minimum wage and advise you will be taking legal advice.

Only if you are prepared to cope with the fall out though.

fairweathercyclist · 05/03/2017 16:28

I assume there's an envelope that everyone is putting money in with a card? Then you can just put in what you like.

If the boss hovers over you while you are putting money in, then you will have to put on your big girl pants as you say and say that you are putting in what you can afford. But do not be apologetic about it.

If boss gets funny, you need to raise it with someone higher. If boss is highest, you just say "I cannot afford it" on repeat and do not enter into discussions.

HilairHilair · 05/03/2017 16:41

I work in a n office where most people are well over the average wage, and we tend to suggest a fiver. I'm the manager, so I try to put in a tenner or even £20 if the occasion is a special one. £35 each is utterly ridiculous. £5 is quite enough. That would add up to £40, or more if the manager (presumably paid for than NMW) ups his/her contribution, to make it £60. That's a nice wedding gift: a silver picture frame, a nice piece of china, some lovely wine glasses.

Chocolatecake12 · 05/03/2017 17:12

Please don't feel bullied into giving this amount.
If my work colleagues were doing a collection for me I would be horrified to think people were being bullied into giving a certain amount.
Either give what you can afford or opt out and get your colleague a card and gift just from yourself. A bottle of prosecco for example would be a lovely gift.

BigbyWolf · 05/03/2017 17:49

Bollocks to that! I wouldn't even put in £10. Mostly because I don't like being dictated to.

I think it's a bloody cheek that people just assume others will throw in a wad of cash for birthday/leaving/baby/wedding collections in work places. Fine if you want to contribute. Also fine if you don't.

mickeysminnie · 05/03/2017 18:05

As previous posters have already said, just tell your boss you bought your own gift for your colleague so won't need to contribute to the work collection.
If she says anything else say as you won't be able to attend the wedding you wanted to give her something personally just from you.

zeeboo · 05/03/2017 18:09

Utterly excessive and in our office, managers always put more in than us grunts. We tend to do a few pound coins for colleagues from other teams, five pound for member of our team or ten if it's a close friend then managers put in £20.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/03/2017 18:18

£35.!!!!!!!. All very well her barking out that figure. When she's on manager's wages. Others though aren't as financially lucky. £35 to some could mean the difference between putting electricity on the meter for example.
Or Some people may not want to put that much in, and. That's their prerogative. Its a gift. Its not a tax summons

Pettywoman · 05/03/2017 18:23

We just put in £15 each for a lady going to have a baby. That is the absolute top end for a work collection IMO, unless you're in an office of millionaire hedge fund managers.

Mysteriouscurle · 05/03/2017 18:24

The cheek of that manager! Def do by email so you have a trail for hr

MissJC · 05/03/2017 18:33

Thats proper nuts, if I was on the receiving end of that collection and knew people would struggle as a result of such a large contribution I would be bloody mortified. Your manager sounds like a right tosser, just because they can afford it doesn't mean everybody else should be expected to.
Tell em feck off and give what you can, the colleague getting married will be grateful if you gave £5 or £35. I know I would.

andontothenext · 05/03/2017 18:34

Put on your big girl pants and just say "No, I cannot afford that amount of money."

Stripeyblanket · 05/03/2017 18:37

Where I work we just give what we can afford. A lot of people just give what they have on them. There's no pressure and certainly no bad feeling if someone chooses not to contribute. It's a collection not a bill that has to be paid.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2017 18:40

That is ridiculous, you cannot be made to give X amount. Any collection should be up to the giver to give what they feel they can. That is an excessive amount, why is this person so special that they warrant such and expensive gift! Tell your manager, no sorry you will give what you can. what is she going to do, fire you!

madmoon · 05/03/2017 18:43

We use to have a list of names and a pot u just ticked ur name off when u gave ur cash gift that way no one felt pressured into giving what they couldn't afford . I would probably put a tenner in an envelope hand it too the boss then run , if she approaches you after say that's all I have this month ! End of . Your family have to come first.