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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an excessive amount for workplace money collection?

241 replies

StopBloodyClimbing · 05/03/2017 08:29

One of my colleagues is getting married next month. We're a small team, there are only 8 of us. We works shifts and because of the days we work I have only worked a handful of shifts with the person who is getting married. I like them though, just haven't spent much time with them. The whole team get on okay buy we're not really friends, just colleuges.

Normally when we do a money collection for gifts it is about £5-10. It's only ever been for people leaving/having babies though, there hasn't been a wedding one before.

My manager has decided for this one we should all put in £35. I was Shock. To me this is a lot of money at the moment. I work one or two short shifts a week for minimum wage, have two dc and am expecting dc3. Dp had recently had to take a pay cut so we are skint. £35 is pretty much a week's wages for me. My manager (bit of a bully and not at all approachable) keeps reminding me to bring in my money next week and reiterating the amount.

AIBU to think it's excessive? I genuinely don't know. A few years ago I would have just paid up no question but things are so tight at the moment I think that my judgement has been skewed somewhat.

OP posts:
Meluzyna · 05/03/2017 09:37

No way, José!

Presumably you don't know what the manager earns?

If you know even an approximate figure you could say something like, "if you're on £1000 / month. and I'm on £200/month, and my contribution is £35, then presumably yours is £175? That's rather a lot. If your contribution is £35, then that makes mine £7."

Fingers crossed for you, OP - but you need to stand up to this bully.

Obsidian77 · 05/03/2017 09:38

Well done for standing up to this shit.
I would also report this to HR.
If your company's expectations of its staff are so low that a "reliable" manager is a known bully whose only redeeming quality is punctuality I'd be looking for another job too.

NeverTwerkNaked · 05/03/2017 09:40

Yanbu. And he needs to back right off or this is an HR issue.

I had a manager who was bullying us all to sponsor her son lots of money for some very trivial event at his school and in the end HR got a lot of complaints

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 05/03/2017 09:45

Is the manager male or female no difference as to behaviour only as to how I refer to them in posts.

Rafflesway · 05/03/2017 09:46

OP, PLEASE don't pay this outrageous amount of money!

I had similar 25 years ago when colleagues and I all were earning £50k plus packages - extremely good salary at that time and especially in the North - when our Director - who I loathed and feeling was mutual - was celebrating significant, middle aged birthday. We were all invited to his party - over 50 miles away - along with partners and although I would have much preferred not to attend it would have been very badly viewed if we didn't.

He was responsible for a team of 15 of us and his 2 favourites arse lickers decided, without discussion with the rest of us, to arrange a very swanky personalised number plate for him. They just went ahead, ordered it and then demanded £40 each from us all. No way was I paying that even though I could easily afford it. I just said, "Sorry, but I don't spend that much on family so certainly am not for a work boss/colleague." I gave them the option of accepting £15 as my contribution to said number plate or to leave me off the group gift and I would just buy a token gift to take to the party on the day in question. They grudgingly accepted the £15 and ended up paying the difference themselves. Totally their fault as far as I was concerned.

I would do exactly the same again! Sorry but I decide how much I contribute, END OF! 😾

MissDemelzaCarne · 05/03/2017 09:47

I'd definitely ask if yore getting a pay rise to be able to afford this?

Glossolalia · 05/03/2017 09:50

There also seems to be an element of glee when she tells me "it's £35 remember".

^^ I really think you should email her and state that this is making you feel uncomfortable. If she asks again, send an email again. Then take it to HR.

Verbal conversations are always hard to prove.

SpoofersAreLosers · 05/03/2017 09:50

I think if everyone else is going to the evening do then £35 for them wouldn't be too ridiculous if it was agreed with everyone and suited everyone.

How about rather than getting into a debate with the organizer you just say that as you are not going you will sort out something yourself.

You could just do a bottle of wine and a nice card.

I wouldn't pay the £35. If you do it will annoy you forever.

gingercoffee · 05/03/2017 09:52

Yes that's a ridiculous amount Shock The manager can obviously afford this, but is completely ignoring the fact that you all earn less than they do! Totally thoughtless and insensitive. That's the kind of amount that somebody might pay for a gift if they were going to the wedding, (although I know that varies a lot). Maybe that's how he got to that figure? But as work colleagues having a whip-round that sounds totally unreasonable. Do you feel like you're in a position to say No? You shouldn't be bullied into giving this.

Brokenbiscuit · 05/03/2017 09:54

That's insane - even a fiver would be too much for some people. Your manager has no right to demand anything.

When we do collections at work, most people put in a couple of quid, or whatever they can afford. As the manager, I generally put in more, to bulk up the overall amount. All collections are anonymous, so I have no idea how much everyone has contributed, or even if they have contributed at all. And that's as it should be - these things should be voluntary!

Original poster
StopBloodyClimbing · 05/03/2017 09:58

I don't really feel in a position to say no but I'm going to force myself to

She is very blunt and forthright and I'm quite non confrontational so it won't be an easy task for me but I'm sure I'll survive. Luckily I've only got a month till I'm on mat leave.

OP posts:
DarklyDreamingDexter · 05/03/2017 10:00

No way you should pay! Say sorry, I can't afford it. Stick to your guns and don't allow yourself to be bullied. Don't even pay a tenner if it's too much at the moment. Gifts are voluntary, management can't dictate to you about it. (If they try, complain to HR.)

rookiemere · 05/03/2017 10:00

That's ridiculous.
Even £10 is a generous contribution from all colleagues and certainly not to be demanded from people on minimum wage.
I'm glad you aren't going to pay it.

carefreeeee · 05/03/2017 10:00

A fiver would be generous considering you hardly know the person and considering your earnings. If the company/management want to put in more that's up to them

Glossolalia · 05/03/2017 10:03

Luckily I've only got a month till I'm on mat leave.

Even more of a reason to be firm.

ememem84 · 05/03/2017 10:07

That's insane.

On one colleagues birthday at my work someone went and bought a £300 voucher for a spa for her. Then told everyone what their share was.

I'm all for nice gifts etc if it's a big birthday/wedding/baby etc but surely collect the money first then buy?

We not put in what we can afford. And the directors double whatever we've put in

We're only an office of 20.

SuperFlyHigh · 05/03/2017 10:11

That's really excessive! Suppose you dislike or ambivalent about the person you still have to put in £35?!

Last year in December I started a new job, boss was 51 in December, we all had to put in £10 each to buy him a bottle of whiskey, card, panettone etc, there was about 15 of us but I thought I don't even know this man (he turned out to be a wanker anyway and I left start of February) and I've got to splash out on this. When we presented it he banged on about his birthday, how old was he etc... Egotistical idiot!

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 05/03/2017 10:12

Absolutely no way would I be giving 35 pounds of my hard earned money to anyone at work. Hell no. I earn a decent wage but have to budget like most other people. If I really really liked the person they'd get a fiver tops. Don't let him bully you about this

SuperFlyHigh · 05/03/2017 10:13

And all you do in this scenario is pay what you can afford, no explanation and a "you can make up make balance if you want" to person doing collection.

buckeejit · 05/03/2017 10:14

I agree it's awful to stipulate an amount. And definitely don't pay it! Send an email saying you thought initially she meant £35 in total & when she meant individually you went to crunch the numbers to see if you could afford it and you can't. Also you mentioned it to x who's already paid & she couldn't afford it either & since she's now skint you've given your £5/£10 donation to her.

Say you think a voluntary donation is more appropriate & you wouldn't want anyone to be put on this awkward situation when your wedding comes round.

You need to assume a very strong position to kill her bloody glee.

SuperFlyHigh · 05/03/2017 10:19

I was pleased that last year (before wanker boss) I worked in a law firm where collections weren't done, they'd get you a card and flowers/chocolates but no collection.

My boss gave me selfridges vouchers (£100) which was really nice of him and took me out for a meal but that was his own choice. A colleague I really got on with got me a small Gallo wine/chocs/glass set and pretty bangle but that was her choice too.

It almost seems saner that way.

Megatherium · 05/03/2017 10:25

Point out that it's a week's wages for you, and ask whether she's putting in a week's wages at her pay rates.

Graphista · 05/03/2017 10:26

And there was I thinking demanding money with menaces was illegal Angry

Absolutely outrageous behaviour by manager.

Have you considered what the bride would think about this? I'd be talking to her. (Assuming the colleague getting married is female).

Mumzypopz · 05/03/2017 10:26

A collection is voluntary, he cannot force you to put anything in. Collections are usually a pound!!!!! You could always say you are not putting in, because you are going to get your own separate gift.

haveacupoftea · 05/03/2017 10:26

Wouldnt you just die of embarrassment if you thought someone was demanding £35 off your colleagues for a present for you Shock

Email is the way to go, keep it short and sweet. Something like 'Hi boss, just wanted to let you know that as I am budgeting for maternity leave I will be unable to contribute £35 for the wedding present. I have left an envelope on your desk with the amount I can afford. Thanks for your understanding. Kind Regards, OP'

If they react negatively, take it to HR as advised above.