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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would bunk beds for a parent and child be absolutely ridiculous?

230 replies

Woulditbesilly · 02/03/2017 10:30

Trying to work out logistics of having a baby/child in a flat with only one bedroom. There's a lounge, bathroom, TINY kitchen and bedroom. None of the rooms are large.

I was thinking of maybe having bunk beds in the bedroom but is this just stupid ... ?

OP posts:
Natsku · 02/03/2017 12:32

I lived in one bedroom flats with DD until she was 3 but could have managed just fine for longer. DD had the bedroom and I had a mattress in the lounge. A sofa bed would be even better but I couldn't afford that. We also shared the bedroom often - if your bedroom is a decent size you can fit your own bed and a toddler bed which will work just fine until child is 5 years old. Or you could get one of those beds that have a second bed that rolls out from underneath so you can put it away during the day to give more space for playing and just roll it out at night for your child to sleep on.

minipie · 02/03/2017 12:35

Where's Artandco when you need her Grin

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 02/03/2017 12:37

Panda...I would love to know, however, why you believe my comments (based on my own experiences of wanting the best for my future children that I also having without a partner and therefore holding off for 5 years and building up my finances, job opportunities and buying a bigger house) are what is wrong with society? I call it careful planning for the best possible opportunities for my children as much as I can have control over.

Littleballerina · 02/03/2017 12:38

How lovely and judging of you where.
You've made a lot of assumptions about the op. Do you read the daily fail by any chance?

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 02/03/2017 12:40

*All those aghast that OP doesn't have a partner, its 2017. The 1950s are that way.

PortiaCastis · 02/03/2017 12:41

Don't talk a lot of bollocks Where are you so bleddy perfect that you feel the need to be so condescending

BeMorePanda · 02/03/2017 12:41

@ WhereDoesTHisRadioGo well going only by you post here, its your snooty, judgmental, My way is RIGHT and you are WRONG, self centered attitude, not to mention the massive carbon footprint of your "essential" big house, and the stupidity in your thinking that a big house is a prerequisite for a good lifestyle.

BarbarianMum · 02/03/2017 12:46

Well I think one of the big problems society has is people having children without thinking it through - whether that's where they'll live, how they'll manage (financially or otherwise), and whether their chosen partner would make a good parent.

The OP is thinking things through. She's thinking about her baby needing a roof over its head, and how she'll support it. And no partner is a hell of a lot better than a bad one.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 02/03/2017 12:48

Well I think one of the big problems society has is people having children without thinking it through

Yy

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 02/03/2017 12:49

Sorry, I forgot these forums were only inclusive when we all agree on what to tell the OP. Independent thought!? Hmm

Oh well. At least all my friends and family have nice big houses, read high brow newspapers and earn a decent salary. So MY children will stand a chance! Grin

PortiaCastis · 02/03/2017 12:50

Who cares about a big house it doesn't make you a nice person.

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 02/03/2017 12:52

It was a joke, Portia. I was just rising to the assumptions made by others about the meaning behind my original post. Far easier than constantly explaining myself.

empirerecordsrocked · 02/03/2017 12:57

I'd stay in the bedroom - cot in there, then toddler bed. Just moved dts out of theirs at age 6. Plenty of time to decide what to do next!

PerpetualStudent · 02/03/2017 13:00

WhereDoesThisRoadGo I'm about to have DC2 in a one bed flat. We will probably end up all co-sleeping in the bedroom like massive hippies (before anyone asks, you shag on the sofa before you go to bed)
Having a small home makes us environmentally conscious, rather than just accumulating bought objects like that's the point of life.

We live in a city where housing is expensive but there are a variety of cultural & kids activities on our doorstep, as well as a choice of green spaces & a friendly local community.

I'm fairly sure I'm not what's wrong with society, but if our way of life offends you and allows you to feel morally superiour then I'm glad to have helped Grin

Megatherium · 02/03/2017 13:02

WhereDoes, as this thread demonstrates, you are perfectly entitled to post on it as "independently" as you choose. However, others are perfectly entitled to disagree with you. That's the way discussions work. If you put up provocative and ill thought-out posts, you must expect people to disagree in pretty strong terms.

AndNowItsSeven · 02/03/2017 13:02

I know mini pie , if only that mumsnetter had worked regular full time hours the op would be sorted for advice.

fairweathercyclist · 02/03/2017 13:03

Yeah I know there are still some costs when they start school but fairly minimal compared to full time nursery places

My son's nursery fees were £900 a month, they did go down once we got the 12 hours as it was back then and we also got childcare vouchers which saved tax, but it was still about £650 a month. I paid an average of £250 on childcare a month once he went to school - so quite a difference - and that was quite a few years ago now.

PrimalLass · 02/03/2017 13:10

Would the tiny kitchen be a big enough room for a cotbed? Does it have a window? If so, I'd see if if was possible to move the kitchen into the living room space.

CoolCarrie · 02/03/2017 13:13

Sofa bed in living room, or one of those bunk beds will double on the bottom level is fine. Our DS had one in his room and it was very comfortable, get decent mattresses. When you do get a bigger flat it is handy for sleep overs for dc friends.

JellyWitch · 02/03/2017 13:17

Both my kids (7 & 2) are happy to cosleep so I would plan on that and worry about an extra bed when they decide they want one.

My eldest had a mattress on the floor from 8 months but didn't get his own room until 3 (and still barely sleeps there); the youngest coslept from birth and doesn't want a bed without me yet.

Original poster
Woulditbesilly · 02/03/2017 13:21

Where, honestly - I know what you mean!

But it's not that I've got a rubbish job or anything like that. I earn £40,000 a year and it's not a fortune but generally considered for one person to be reasonably successful and about the maximum I could earn, given I'm never going to be a brain surgeon or anything like that!

The thing is though, two people earning £20,000 each would be 'better off' as they wouldn't be taxed as much and they would qualify for some CTC and they could potentially work round one another. I can't do that and also things like electricity, council tax are more expensive on your own. Being single is expensive: it just is!

However, at the moment living where I do I don't pay rent or a mortgage and it's a lovely flat in a beautiful location but I couldn't pay FT CC fees AND a mortgage - I can manage one or the other.

So given most babies are in with parents at first anyway my tentative plan is to manage as best I/we can in the flat until he or she is school age and then CC costs are right down and I can afford a mortgage :)

OP posts:
Betterfasterstronger · 02/03/2017 13:58

Even for London (which I’m assuming you are not in as nursery fees much higher), that is a good salary, and you are fortunate to have no mortgage.

However, as a single full time working professional mum, I would strongly suggest that you move to a 2 bed now/ as soon as you are pregnant , if you think you will have to move areas to afford a bigger place

  1. You will have much more time and energy now than coping with a child and full time job; and
  2. You will never be in a better financial position than now to get a mortgage and risk is if you wait 5 years, then a 2 bed may rise in price more than your 1 bed and become unaffordable.
  3. It’s easy to make a support network of mum friends when pregnant/ on mat leave – when you are working full time with a school age child you won’t have time ( on your salary I’m guessing you are a professional) to make new friends – you may not even be able to do school picks ups/drop offs – most likely breakfast and afterschool club…

One responsible, sensible parent is better than 2 where one is a dead weight

I absolutely agree about the unfairness of doing it on your own and only getting one lot of child care vouchers etc.

On your salary you will get zero benefits (except child benefit).

You can rent out the 2nd bedroom while you are pg, harder to rent out when they are here, but the 2nd bedroom would be very useful if you want an au pair/ family to stay and help..

You are likely to get 30 hours free nursery when they are 3 – which will reduce your costs a lot..

PointxTaken · 02/03/2017 14:12

I would prefer a bed in the living room, and live child + toys in the bedroom.

Yeah I know there are still some costs when they start school but fairly minimal compared to full time nursery places.
I am afraid you are in for a shock here. It depends on your job, but in most cases parents need wrap-around care, that's a cost. You need childcare for inset days/ sick days/ strike days etc. You need childcare for holidays. You might find summer holiday camps fairly easily (but not cheap) but there's not much going on the rest of the year.
I honestly didn't find schools to be that much cheaper than nurseries.

Even if you are a teacher, you need childcare before/ after school on normal days, let alone the evenings with P/T meetings!

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 02/03/2017 14:48

Betterfasterstronger those are excellent ideas! Op did you consider that? Going into a 2 bed now and saving on childcare fees by employing an au pair is a great alternative. And your baby gets to go out and about all over town instead of tied to the daycare centre. Grin

Branleuse · 02/03/2017 14:51

id sleep in the living room and get a really good sofa bed