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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anyone remember the bride in Wales charging £££ for hotel rooms?

659 replies

cousinswedding · 01/03/2017 22:53

I don't know of any of you will remember me. I posted months ago when my cousin was planning her wedding in a Welsh castle hundreds of miles away from where we all live. Her wedding is a three day event starting on a Thursday and she asked us to pay to stay in the rooms (£160 per night). When other pulled out she contacted us and said the rooms had gone up so were now £180 so at least £360 for accommodation but more likely three nights so £540. Just for accommodation. My mum is pressuring me to go and we have booked it and waved goodbye to the prospect of a family holiday.

Anyway- cousin and I (used to be close she's been a nightmare in all this) got together today as she wanted to come over and see my outfit for the wedding (in two weeks). She got really frosty with me as my dress is a nude colour- is this a thing?? She's asking me to change it and wear something else. The dress is new and was bought specifically for this occasion and I do have an old green one I could wear but I have worn it to another family wedding and I don't like it that much. The dress I've bought is not cream, more like a pale peach. The bride is wearing white.

I'm loathe to waste more money (can't take it back took the tags off) and resent being ordered around like this. Is nude ok for a wedding or AIBU?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 02/03/2017 08:06

If your Mum is so keen that you go then surely she should be paying for it.
What happens if more guests cancel - does your hotel room cost go up even more ?

I'd speak to your Mum and tell her about the dress situation and also tell her if she is so blardy keen to keep the family peace then she can put her hand in her pocket and pay for some of your hotel room expenses.

P1nkP0ppy · 02/03/2017 08:12

This is bloody ridiculous!
What are you supposed to do on the other day(s)?
You're in danger of being taken for a mug by this hideous bridezilla op, tell her that you prefer to pay out for a family holiday so hope she has a good day and cancel your room.
What are you going to do when the cost doubles when yet more guests drop out?

FuzzyFalafelz · 02/03/2017 08:14

Tell her sorry you don't have any more cash to allocate to the wedding. Only her wedding gift cash which you could use to buy a new dress I guess. Ask what she would prefer? You in a new dress or wedding gift cash?

JaneEyre70 · 02/03/2017 08:14

I would text or email her to say you're sorry she's upset at the colour of your outfit, but due to the huge financial commitment you've already made due to the accomodation costs there is no way you can afford to change it. If she feels that strongly, then you are sure she can send you the money to change it as you're sacrificing a family holiday this year to attend her wedding after all. She sounds horrid OP and I feel bad for you that you've got sucked into her madness.

diddl · 02/03/2017 08:17

Why would you even have considered going?

So the room thing has now gone up -I do get how that is working, but if no one pays or just pays £50 or something, what's she going to do?

Surely the castle will only bill her & it's tough if she doesn't get back as much as she would like from her guest, isn't it?

Your mother sounds awful expecting you to spend shit loads to keep the peace.

Sadly you also seem to have the please everyone at any cost gene!

You need to quickly get the "I don't give a fuck about anyone else"-like your cousin!

nannybeach · 02/03/2017 08:20

Some years back we received an invite to my H cousins wedding, they had pots of money, 2 incredibly well paid jobs. It was over 100 miles away from where we lived. H had just been made redundant, so said we werent going, had nothing to wear,couldnt afford to spend a night in the Hotel where they were getting married. MIL (who isnt owed anything, walked out on her small kids years before) said we HAD to go because it was his cousin. I couldnt afford anything on the wedding present list apart from a teaspoon, thought I cant give them that! Bought myself a peach coloured dress in a charity shop, a pretty dress for my youngest then 4 in H & M, which HER cousin very kindly ripped, making it unwearable again. H had a suit, we gave them a £25 M & S gift voucher we couldnt afford. Only invited to the evening "do", so travelled back and forth. They already had a 4 bed detached house and all the trimmings, thus the expensive wedding present list. Wear the dress you bought, sounds like Brideszilla. Someone turned up at MY wedding wearing t-shirt,muddy shorts,dirty muddy trainers! Charming!

sonlypuppyfat · 02/03/2017 08:20

I had a friend like this, I was supposed to be a bridesmaid but I got pregnant and she went mad saying I was going to spoil her photos with my belly! She even went and bought my shoes without me and wanted me to pay. I told her I wouldn't do it in the end and I've not seen her since but I heard her marriage only lasted a couple of years

Original poster
cousinswedding · 02/03/2017 08:28

Catching up with all of this - yes there RE games etcConfused one day in the lead up and obviously it sounds dreadful. For those saying "why are you going along with all this!" You're right- but it's the usual family politics that's worn me down and I've thought "three days and it will be over" and then gradually things get worse and worse and it's death by a thousand paper cuts and now the dress thing almost had me in tears of rage last night.

I'm texting cousin now (and not answering the expected calls from my mum afterwards) "Hi cousin, it was lovely to see you yesterday. I know you have misgivings over my dress but I've got to say I won't be changing it- I bought it specially for your wedding day and attending the wedding has already cost us hundreds of pounds- I cannot afford any more expense. I can add a colourful wrap if you want and I'm sure no-one will assume I'm in the bridal party! We will be joining you on the Friday and not the Thursday as planned as DH's annual leave is running out. Hope all other plans are going well."

OP posts:
GeekLove · 02/03/2017 08:31

SInce leaving school, one of the most totally awesome parts of being an adult is not having to spend time with people you don't like. Think of this well.

TBH this wedding sounds about as fun as having your toenails ripped out one by one.
Would your life be diminished if you never speak to that cousin again.
It would be so tempting to get refunds on everything - send the dress back and put up a Flying Monkey defence shield.

Original poster
cousinswedding · 02/03/2017 08:31

I'm not giving money as a gift I already have a silver photo frame wrapped up (sale bargain and hate giving cash especially when we can't write out a big fat cheque!)

OP posts:
SuchHysteria · 02/03/2017 08:35

I get the craziness but I think you have to be careful not to be too pissed off about it. At the end of the day you have accepted their invitation. The fact that you feel pressurized to do so from family is another matter. You still could have declined. You are setting yourself up for spending oodles or cash and then having an awful time as you feel so pissed off about it. IYSWIM

SuchHysteria · 02/03/2017 08:36

I would feel pissed off about it though 😂

diddl · 02/03/2017 08:39

With any luck she'll rescind your invitation & that'll be the decision made for you!

ScarletFever · 02/03/2017 08:54

hope youre not paying for the room on Thursday night as you wont be using it!

RuggerHug · 02/03/2017 09:00

OP that text sounds perfect to me, hope the fallout isn't too bad!

kaitlinktm · 02/03/2017 09:04

Does she know you have foregone your family holiday to pay to go to her wedding? I would have to tell her.

ImYourMama · 02/03/2017 09:07

So how many nights are you paying for now OP? I'm sympathetic to you and the 'death of a thousand cuts' my Mum is the same, desperate to keep face at all costs Hmm

Tiredemma · 02/03/2017 09:08

she sounds insane

Rafflesway · 02/03/2017 09:44

OP! You have my deepest sympathy!

However, I am with everyone else in saying I am staggered at how much you have "Enabled" cousin Bridezilla and her outlandish behaviour as well as that of your DM. (Sorry but DM cannot dictate how you spend your hard earned cash.)

These hotel weddings where B & G have to hire the full venue and all rooms seems to be a thing nowadays. My DH's nephew is getting married later this year and is having to do the same as are another couple who live close to us. We have been invited to both weddings but have categorically stated that we will be travelling on the day, not drinking, and will drive home later in the evening. Both couples have been fine about this. Sorry but if you choose one of these venues for your wedding then, IMO, you have to be prepared to foot the bill for unfilled rooms.

I so wish you had cancelled the whole thing OP as this will cost you a small fortune and it is so obvious you are understandably regretting having agreed to the whole thing. 😰

MsJolly · 02/03/2017 09:45

😱😱😱

Nothing else to add!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/03/2017 10:07

As well as asking for money her wedding list was to pay for parts of the wedding ... the wedding car/ the cake/ a contribution towards booze with the money to be transferred by last week so it could go towards the wedding

So what she wants is to effectively get married for free/very little AND make a bit on it as well

People only behave like this because others allow them to get away with it, so why exactly are you enabling her? I know your DM is making waves but you're a big girl now; you really can say no if you want to, you know ...

sonyaya · 02/03/2017 10:23

OP I agree that this woman has behaved disgracefully. I usually think MN has far too low a threshold for accusing people of being Bridezillas because it's totally reasonable to want to have a nice wedding day in my opinion but on so many levels she is crossing the line. I saw your last thread (albeit as a lurker) and she was bad enough then. But to micro manage what guests wear and ask for contributions to pay for the wedding ... I am speechless. Even if you wore white, no one would confuse you with the bride. Stand firm.

I am going to stick up for you against the accusations of 'enabling' though. If she was some not particularly close friend then I would agree you should have just refused to go, but I think when it is family there is much to be said for not causing a family rift. I would have attended too because i don't believe in making family weddings a time for proving a point about people's behaviour. But as for cash and changing your outfit... hell no..

diddl · 02/03/2017 10:27

And of course if Op drops out of one night, will that also put the price up for everyone?

CarrieMyBag · 02/03/2017 10:35

You can tell the real woman by where she is in bridezilla scale. Personally I'd tell her that I can no longer make it to her wedding. I'd never spend 540 on someone like that cousin or not. And sounds like she cannot afford this castle wedding.

shinynewusername · 02/03/2017 10:39

everyone (my mum mainly) was so intent on keeping the peace she kept telling my cousin it was all ok etc etc

What keeping the peace really means in these situations is pressuring the reasonable relatives into giving way to the unreasonable ones. Not only is this unfair on the reasonables, it doesn't actually keep the peace because it just encourages the unreasonables to be even more unreasonable.

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