Does anyone remember the bride in Wales charging £££ for hotel rooms?

[cousinswedding]

I don't know of any of you will remember me. I posted months ago when my cousin was planning her wedding in a Welsh castle hundreds of miles away from where we all live. Her wedding is a three day event starting on a Thursday and she asked us to pay to stay in the rooms (£160 per night). When other pulled out she contacted us and said the rooms had gone up so were now £180 so at least £360 for accommodation but more likely three nights so £540. Just for accommodation. My mum is pressuring me to go and we have booked it and waved goodbye to the prospect of a family holiday.

Anyway- cousin and I (used to be close she's been a nightmare in all this) got together today as she wanted to come over and see my outfit for the wedding (in two weeks). She got really frosty with me as my dress is a nude colour- is this a thing?? She's asking me to change it and wear something else. The dress is new and was bought specifically for this occasion and I do have an old green one I could wear but I have worn it to another family wedding and I don't like it that much. The dress I've bought is not cream, more like a pale peach. The bride is wearing white.

I'm loathe to waste more money (can't take it back took the tags off) and resent being ordered around like this. Is nude ok for a wedding or AIBU?

Id be tempted to go to a local chsrity dhop and buy the most garish and obscene outfit possible andxwesr it out of pure spite.

She's off her tits. I'm wedding planning and yes, you can get caught up in the aesthetic (for want of a better word) or whatever, but then you realise you're being an arsehole and wise up. You don't start banging on about people's outfits being the wrong shade so long as they aren't white (although not everyone agrees on that point) and cover the required bits and bobs. And don't even get me started on the room cost!!! You can't cream off profit from your guests and still expect a gifl.

I'd get her a £20 voucher for Halfords or somewhere equally niche and put it in a £1 card, making sure I left the price sticker on.

Sorry if this is stalkery, OP, but I was on your last thread and have just found it again. You were doing so well with your attempts to decline the invitation - how did they suck you back in?!

When I read this crazy stuff it reminds me why I've always hated weddings - this bride has got things massively out of proportion. I'd feel like wearing what I like, staying where I like and tell her so or tell her where to stick her frigging invitation.
As for your dear old mum keeping the peace - why should that be necessary? Someone should be brave enough to tell the bride where to get off.

I'd get her a £20 voucher for Halfords or somewhere equally niche and put it in a £1 card, making sure I left the price sticker on.

People dropped out and the price went up - that means you're paying for empty rooms not just your own room!

As for the nude dress, why don't you wear a colourful cardigan/wrap/blazer over it for the ceremony.

could you bare to tell her you just cant afford this. and then go and book a really nice holidfay for you and yours.i know this is close family and stuff but is this wedding going to be a horrid experience because for such a seriously huge amount of money I feel almost in pain for you having to spend that much on a horrible time. its tough times.people cant afford to just spend that much on things like that,unless of course it was something you and your really wanted and would love to do!

could you investigate,speak to hotel etc work out if it is the actual cost?

Text her

'Hey cousin, great news! I've managed to cancel our hotel rooms and book a travelodge! Even with taxis we are saving enough that I can get a new dress! I'm going with a lovely formal gown I just know you'll love - it shares so many details with your wedding dress. Can't wait for the special day!'

Just ignore her and tell her you are either wearing the dress or not going and leave it there. Hopefully you'll get lucky and she'll tell you not to come.

My Ex MIL and SIL also came over to inspect my dress before SIL's wedding. Twats! Shockingly mine was deemed acceptable. Future BIL is from a very nice family don't you know.

I remember your thread. I can't BELIEVE you're going! There is no way I'd sacrifice my family holiday for someone's wedding.

But if you're going to go, I'd go with what Ivor said.

"I would just tell her you can't afford to replace it as you are stretching yourself on the wedding itself."

Direct but with a tiny undertone of PA...

Good grief! Has she always been this demanding, selfish and spoilt? Or has she simply turned into an epic Bridzilla?
If it's the former, then I would be seriously tempted to cancel, get your money back for the rooms and as others have said, enjoy a lovely holiday.
It is beyond unacceptable that she would fleece her family and so called friends in this manner. Now I'm the one who's furiously typing!! xx

This is really not on. She's obviously putting the room price up to compensate for the loss of payment from people who have dropped out, so she doesn't have to bear the brunt of the cost. This is an appalling thing to do to your guests. If you want to book a frigging £10,000 castle you should be able to pay for it yourself. To expect people to stump up that sort of money for accommodation alone and expect that they will all be there for three nights at the hotel of your choosing shows Bridezilla entitlement at its worst. I'm not surprised people have started to pull out.

Everyone wants to have exactly what they want, the most lavish and best of fucking everything and then expects everyone else to pay to make it happen for them.

It's about time people accepted that they have to live within their means and that applies to weddings too. You don't get to have something that looks like a celeb centre page spread in Hello if neither your or your parents can afford to pay for it yourselves. It's SO rude to do this to people and then get shirty if they say they can't go.

Honestly what is the matter with people these days?

Furiously typing here too! I've been in this situation. I pulled out and told bridezilla why but I'm a cantankerous independent old bat enjoying my freedom. We'd been friends while working together but not otherwise close and I was surprised to get the invitation. She was enormously upset, especially when half a dozen couples took courage and did the same.

Bridezilla cancelled that booking, got married with a smaller ceremony elsewhere. I think we were all invited just to fill up the photos. Honestly, the cheek of it, it's just pure blackmail for her own ego. She's going to enjoy the day and remember it with fond memories, going through her wedding photos in her old age? No, I don't think so, either.

The reason the room prices have gone up is because people have pulled out, as others have sussed.

Some great suggestions here, BTW, I've filed them for use next time but at my age I don't suppose there will be a next time. Enjoy your holiday!

Is she for real 😲I really feel for you. These things can be loaded with family politics & my mum would be the same as yours; desperate not to rock the boat. Out of interest what does she think about dress? It's completely shitty of them to charge for rooms to cover venue hire. If they couldn't afford it, they needed to do something else. But for me the clincher would be the raising the quoted price to cover drop outs. That's fucking outrageous. Has everyone now paid? What happens if there's further drop outs? The dress thing would upset me greatly. Id resent having to wear something else but feel on edge going in my planned outfit. If you've already paid for the room, I'd go, load up on a few gins & wear the dress. and requisition one of the empty rooms as my walk in wardrobe I'd also start planning family day trips around the venue & use it as an alternative family holiday. Basically make myself scarce over the 3 days save the ceremony & reception. Make it into something you'll enjoy otherwise you'll forever have a more bitter taste in your mouth about the whole sorry affair.

But if you've not paid, I would honestly be thinking of finding some air bnb accommodation or similar & saying to her that circumstances have changed (expensive unforeseen house/car repairs?) & you can no longer afford castle. Others have done that previously. You've been gracious enough.

Oh and wedding present I'd just be buying a very cheap token present. A photo album or something. You've spent enough & surely even she's not enough of a shit to complain about your gift? she definitely is but fuck her

I realise that very few people are in a position to pay for all their guests' accommodation and there will always be someone needing to travel and stay overnight somewhere, even if you get married close to your home town. Most people will factor in the cost of a hotel when they make the decision to attend or not attend. But if you choose to have a 'destination wedding' far from home so that all the guests have n choice but use a hotel and incur travel expenses then I think you really need to understand and accept that cost may be an issue for many of them.

At the very least they should be free to choose for themselves where they stay, how much they spend and how many nights they book for. It's completely unreasonable to assume that you can book a 10k castle for a three day extravaganza and that all of your guests will be quite happy (or even in a position) to split the non-fixed cost to make this happen for you.

The more I think about this (and this Bridezilla is by no means the only one, I read about this sort of thing all the time on MN) the more horrified I am by how spoilt, entitled and narcissistic so many young people seem to be these days.

There was a time when a wedding was about the family pulling together to be generous hosts to friends and wider family. Weddings were often simple but happy affairs out of necessity, where people cut their cloth according to budget. Guests would buy a nice frock and pitch up with a toaster or a set of towels and that was that.

These days it seems the tables have turned and it's become the guests' duty to pay for the lavish and impressive wedding of the happy couple's choice. If you can't or don't want to spend many hundreds of pounds of your own money to give them the day they feel entitled to (not to mention the four day hen/stag party abroad) then it's a sign that you are selfish and just don't care enough about them.

Fuck's sake.

Christ all mighty, the cheeky bint bridezilla. Wanting to have exclusive use of and marry in a fancy castle ad expecting her guests to pay for it. I'm surprised people have agreed tbh. Her policing outfits would be the final straw and I'd decline the invite. She sounds a total nightmare.

What is it about weddings that drive some women absolutely over the edge of sanity?

I would have bailed out a long time ago!

I remember your last thread. It had games and stuff in the afternoon, didn't it? That's why you needed an extra nights stay.

I'm that you're going. Bloody hell, tell her to piss off with the dress. I was also going to suggests she offers you the same amount as you paid for the the dress so that you can use the money to pay for a "more suitable one". ( perhaps a 1980's lurex number?).

And I'd not give her a gift. You simply cannot afford one. Your gift was your hotel room and contribution to the wedding. Stop getting sucked in fgs.

Littlefoxy

I like the idea of using it as an alternative family holiday.

I agree with WorraLiberty here. I think you're just going to end up going along and grinning and bearing it again. I don't mean to turn the tables here but I think it says a lot about you as well as her. Why did you agree to go in the first place if she was demanding so much money and you had to sacrifice the family holiday? If others were cancelling didn't that jsut make it easier for you to do so too?

You really need to stand up to this shit. Stop being a wuss. Cancel your booking and don't go. Spend that money on.somwyhing for your own family and people who will appreciate it and deserve it, including yourself.

I also think that if your wedding extravaganza of choice means that guests have no choice but to spend a fair bit of money on travel and accommodation then you should at least have the good grace to say 'Absolutely no gifts necessary, your company on the day is all we hope for.'

Absolute craziness... wear the dress you bought. No way in hell would I be paying £540 for the hotel. At best I would pay the original price given. But in all honesty I would have declined to stay there in the first place. I looked at a venue for my own wedding where all rooms needed to be occupied and paid for - turned me right off it!!

Not to be rude but why the heck are you entertaining all of this bollocks OP?