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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change my birthday party (ever so slightly) after the invites have gone out

116 replies

Justalittlelemondrizzle · 01/03/2017 22:46

It's my 30th this month and I have planned a big party to mark the occasion. I created an event on Facebook and asked for people to rsvp asap due to me needing to arrange food.
I have since decided not to have any food at the party due to cost.

How do I word this on the Facebook event page so people are aware or should I not bother saying anything. Party starts at 8pm. So i'm guessing people would have already eaten anyway.

OP posts:
Mingewithafringe · 01/03/2017 22:49

You should tell them beforehand. A lot won't have eaten thinking you are arranging food. Just put a status to say that food won't be served now
Will you not have anything, not even basic snacks??

ChocolateSherberts2017 · 01/03/2017 22:54

If you can't afford to feed and water your guests then you shouldn't host a party particularly if you know people will buy you a gift. It's a birthday party so most guests will have the manners not to come empty handed. It's a bit bad form hosting a party & receiving gifts but not providing refreshments.

Send a message mentioning you'll be a x pub for a drink to celebrate your 30th & if people want to join you they can.

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2017 22:55

I'd stick out a few nibbles like crisps/nuts/sausage rolls.

I don't really agree that a lot of people won't have eaten beforehand.

I think (providing they are drinkers of course) most people will make sure they eat before an 8pm party.

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2017 22:56

Actually forget that.

I've just realised you said you told them you need to arrange food.

In that case you need to tell them they won't be getting a buffet.

BarbarianMum · 01/03/2017 22:58

I think you ought to do some nibbles at least. And tell people it's nibbles only.

ChocolateSherberts2017 · 01/03/2017 22:59

Get to Iceland and stock up on their frozen party food and sausage rolls, it's not that expensive. How many people have you invited?

Floggingmolly · 01/03/2017 23:00

What exactly is the party, then? Are you providing anything at all? Drink, entertainment?
If it was a case of show up at the village hall and bring me a present; I think I'd decline...

Original poster
Justalittlelemondrizzle · 01/03/2017 23:03

I can afford the party Chocolate. I have hired the venue and paid for a few drinks for each guest. I wasn't given a price for food until I had final numbers. Hence me asking people to rsvp so I could arrange it. Only after I went to the venue with the numbers they told me it would be £300 for food and I've already paid a hell of a lot for everything else.

I think I will go with the nibbles selection. And make the stuff myself at home and bring it with me. If that's even allowed!? I need to check.

So how do I word it on the basis there will be nibbles and also no nibbles, if not allowed. Eek!

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 01/03/2017 23:13

I think that's a bit more than a slight change to be honest. Especially as you've said on the invitations that you are arranging food.
I think a lot if people will expect some sort of buffet or finger food. It doesn't have to be loads but I don't think I've ever been to a party without any food. For me that's one of the best bits!

unfortunateevents · 01/03/2017 23:29

How could you not have been given a price for food beforehand?! I'm sure he venue would have given you a price per head, then it was a question of guesstimating how many people would come. It's is not a slight change to tell people that there will be food and then not provide any. It doesn't matter what time the party starts at, if you invited me to a party and told me there would be food I wouldn't eat beforehand - why would I? I doubt the venue will let you bring your own nibbles if they have the means to do it there and it would need to be pretty substantial nibbles to meet most people's definition of "food" on a party invitation.

Derlei · 01/03/2017 23:29

When is the party? Can you ring the venue and check their policy on bringing your own nibbles, and then update the group once you know for sure.
I'd then probably say "quite a few people attending have said that they will be eating beforehand; on that basis I have decided to just have a selection of nibbles and snacks so as not to waste food. Hope that's ok with everybody, looking forward to seeing you all."
I know that's a lie but saying that it's too expensive would look silly, as surely you cost up everything and make sure you can afford it before you dish out the invites

AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/03/2017 23:30

You can't have a party without food.

You will have to see if you can take your own food (highly unlikely), & if not, pay the £300. Lesson learned. Find out all the costs before inviting people.

Floralnomad · 01/03/2017 23:32

I think if you've said there will be food then you need to provide food , it doesn't sound like you're providing all the drinks either , are people allowed to bring a bottle or is it a paid bar after your contribution runs out ?

Vermillioncomfyshoes · 01/03/2017 23:38

If I was invited to a party where I was told food was 'arranged' I wouldn't eat beforehand. And if I turned up and there were just snacks I'd either choose not to drink, or get pissed on 2 glasses of wine. Either way I'd end up leaving early - either to get something to eat or to sober up AND get something to eat.

You could order a fish and chip delivery halfway through the proceedings.
Desperate times......

PlaymobilPirate · 01/03/2017 23:44

You really can't... it's a party- parties have music, food and drinks. It's the law.

Vermillioncomfyshoes · 01/03/2017 23:44

Also, I'd try my best to get £300 together, by hook or by crook, before cancelling the food. Surely you were given a cost per head figure?

PageStillNotFound404 · 01/03/2017 23:53

I have a couple of dippy friends who would be daft enough to not check out the pricing properly beforehand so I wouldn't be too surprised/put out to get a follow-up apologetic message coming clean about having screwed up with the budget/pricing and asking if we'd prefer to pay £X each for food (assuming there are enough guests to make it a reasonable amount each e.g. £10-15, and if this ended up as the preferred option then making it very clear you didn't expect any presents) or if we'd prefer to make it food-free and just eat at home beforehand.

You can't not tell them though - this isn't changing it "ever so slightly" especially as food was the reason you asked them to RSVP. This is a major change!

Viviennemary · 01/03/2017 23:57

I think you'd be better cutting down on the few free drinks per guest and having food. People don't expect free drinks all night at parties these days. But no food would be a bit miserable. Ask if you can do your own although I suppose it would be a hassle.

purpleshortcake · 01/03/2017 23:59

I would see if the venue will let you swap some of the drinks you've pre- paid for for food. I'm sure all your party guests will be expecting to buy some drinks at the venue so a fiver a head less on drinks should get you a simple buffet and would in my opinion be better than guests expecting food and being hungry. Hope you have a great party

Fortheloveofdog · 02/03/2017 00:01

How many have said yes, and how many does £300 cater for?

Patriciathestripper1 · 02/03/2017 00:03

Shouldn't have s party without food it's not right.

Redglitter · 02/03/2017 00:06

I'd cut back on the previous paid drinks. Pay for everyone's first drink and then they're on their own. People don't expect free drink at a party in a venue - they will however expect food

EyeStye · 02/03/2017 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upwardsandonwards33 · 02/03/2017 00:37

OP, yes somehow get the money. I think that people will think it very tight and you don't want to be remembered as that, if you don't provide food.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 02/03/2017 00:39

I agree with pp - ask the venue if you can transfer the money that you have paid for drinks onto catering instead. Nobody will be disappointed not to get free drinks but they will be surprised not to find any nibbles - and more practically, it will get very messy, very quickly.

Party starts at 8pm. So i'm guessing people would have already eaten anyway.

Sorry, no. 8pm is very much dinnertime. If you want to signal to guests that there will be no substantial food via the timing of the party, you will have to start after 9pm.