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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to change my birthday party (ever so slightly) after the invites have gone out

116 replies

Justalittlelemondrizzle · 01/03/2017 22:46

It's my 30th this month and I have planned a big party to mark the occasion. I created an event on Facebook and asked for people to rsvp asap due to me needing to arrange food.
I have since decided not to have any food at the party due to cost.

How do I word this on the Facebook event page so people are aware or should I not bother saying anything. Party starts at 8pm. So i'm guessing people would have already eaten anyway.

OP posts:

rookiemere · 02/03/2017 08:42

Seriously nannybeach I'd rather have no food than be asked to provide the buffet for someone else's party at a public venue. I'm afraid I'd find that really tacky, particularly if asked after the invites have gone out and I'd accepted. Pot lucks totally need to be agreed up front by all parties.

Trills · 02/03/2017 08:46

I'd be fine with a few crisps, but I'd definitely want to KNOW if there would be food or not.

LagunaBubbles · 02/03/2017 08:47

I can afford the party

No you cant if you cant afford food for it. And a small do in the house and asking people to bring food is completely different from a big party at a venue - you cant ask people to provide food for this! You party will be talked about for all the wrong reasons. Why didnt you ask the venue about food at the planning stages before putting anything on Facebook, surely when youre palnning a party food is one of the first things that should be thought about?

KitKat1985 · 02/03/2017 08:47

Reading your posts, is there a bar at the venue, and you've already paid for some drinks for everyone? Personally I would expect food at a big party (especially since you've told people there will be!) but would expect to buy my own drinks at the bar, so I agree with PP that I'd transfer the drinks budget to food.

I warn you that I went to a big birthday party about a year ago (started same sort of time) and there was only light nibbles. Many people had come expecting food and kept sloping off to the shop / nearby takeaway. To add insult to injury there was no birthday cake either! It wasn't great.

Bluntness100 · 02/03/2017 08:47

Don't cut the food down, I was at a party where the host did this, instead of catering for the hundred guests there, he catered for 50 to save money. The food ran out after five mins and a long queue of people standing at the buffet confused looking at the empty bowls..

When his wife complained to the manager that they had not catered enough for the hundred gueststhe manager agreed and explained only a buffet for fifty had been paid for. Everyone ended up buggering off for something to eat as they were starving.

rookiemere · 02/03/2017 08:51

Yes bluntness that's a good point. Either provide food for the correct number OP and bite the bullet on the costs and provide less drink, or let guests know in advance that food won't be provided.

I remember one evening do I went to and expected a reasonable buffet so had a light dinner and ended up with two tortilla chips and a cocktail sausage.

As long as people know the score and you don't expect them to provide the food themselves, then I can't see it being a biggie.

NewPurrs5 · 02/03/2017 08:53

You really cannot host a party with no food!

Unfortunately OP it seems you cannot afford your party after all. I'm not sure what you can do since you've already invited everyone though!

I'd sooner expect to pay for my own drinks definitely, but no food?!

Kiroro · 02/03/2017 08:56

Do not do this OP!

Honestly, it will be the shittest birthday party for you because everyone will come... be hungry, have like 2 drinks then fuck off to go get food and all the money you've spent on the venue will be wasted cos no one will be there!

Don't really understand why you have paid for a venue though, most places just have a minimum spend not an actual hire fee. And those places that have hire fees are posh enough that anyone having their birthday party there shoudl be able to pay for food and drinks!

Three types of birthday party:

Come to my house/flat - I have laid on all food and booze and it will be MEGA
I am celebrating my birthday on Saturday and have reserved and area at [x] pub. I will be there from [time]. The pub does pretty nice food so you can eat here if you like.

[This is a clear indication you are NOT putting on any food or drinks but equally you have chosen a more relaxed vibe and people aren;t expected to spend loads of money]

You are invited to my birthday party at [posh venue].

This one you need to provide decent food and at least 1 bottle of sparkling for every 3 people so people can have a drink on arrival. Also that tempts people to come at the start of your party.

welshmist · 02/03/2017 08:57

We were invited to a do like this. Left after two drinks cannot eat on an empty stomach. Lots of others did too it was a shambles very sad.

Kiroro · 02/03/2017 08:59

Many people had come expecting food and kept sloping off to the shop / nearby takeaway.

Everyone ended up buggering off for something to eat as they were starving.

See!!! If you don't provide food you'll be left having a sad birthday party with no guests. Only in England is it acceptable to invite people ot a party and not feed and water them.

Can't you just put the £300 on a credit card and pay it next month? Or ask your parents for a cash contribution as your birthday gift?

irregularegular · 02/03/2017 09:03

I don't think a party has to have food. Or at least, you don't need more than the posh end of crisps and nuts. I've been to plenty of parties that don't have any more than that. Could you arrange a birthday cake? Having said that, I agree that if there is a pay bar anyway, then you might want to offer one less free drink and spend the difference on nicer nibbles.

Just send an e-mail/FB message to all guests beforehand "looking forward to seeing you all at XXX to celebrate my 30th. Just to let you know there will be a pay bar - first drinks on me - and nibbles . Dress to impress! (or whatever...) . No presents please." Nobody will remember what you said about food before...

But do check before you send anything that you can actually bring your own crisps etc

irregularegular · 02/03/2017 09:04

For an 8pm party I would assume to eat beforehand unless I was warned otherwise!

MrsSchadenfreude · 02/03/2017 09:06

I went to a 40th recently that had no food and a pay bar. It was memorable for those two reasons. It started at 7.30. We ended up leaving the party and going to get something to eat after an hour. Other people did the same, and were having to go out to the cashpoint as the bar was cash only. It didn't go down very well - it would have been better if food had been provided. Can you do bread and cheese/salami/pate? Soaks up the booze a treat and relatively cheap.

FrizzBombDelight · 02/03/2017 09:17

I don't think people expect free drinks so cancel the drinks and do food instead?

FrenchLavender · 02/03/2017 09:20

I don't think a party has to have food. Or at least, you don't need more than the posh end of crisps and nuts. I've been to plenty of parties that don't have any more than that.

A few crisps and nuts and olives are sufficient for a cocktail party where people arrive at 6 and leave at 8 to go on to dinner or another event with food.

Unless it's an after-party of some sort where people have already been fed it's really awkward and tacky and cheapskate to not provide some food beyond a bowl of crisps. Contrary to some people's opinions the point of a good party is not simply to get falling over drunk.

ImYourMama · 02/03/2017 09:21

A family member had a 50th in a hired room where there was no food and an iPad playing music. Everyone left after half an hour and slated the host who didn't even bother with balloons.
Don't have a party if you cannot afford it.

Scarftown · 02/03/2017 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1483387154 · 02/03/2017 09:26

It is a HUGE change to go from food provided to no food provided.

I personally think it unacceptable to have a party and not provide your guests with food and I do not think that just providing snacks such as crisps and nuts would be acceptable either.

You should check with the venue if you can take your own food and get party/buffet food from a local supermarket. If not then you need to suck it up and pay for the price the venue has offered. You really should have had some idea about prices before senidng out invitiation stating that there would be food.

FeralBeryl · 02/03/2017 09:32

Adding to the unanimity - please contact your venue and take back the 'free drinks' budget and use it for food.
You are removing the choice for people by having no food. People can choose to buy drinks for a couple of pounds from the venue but it's unlikely they'll be able to access more than a bag of crisps there.
You need the facts from the venue before you go any further. Even if you check if you're allowed to bring your own - you can then ask a few close friends to do a big pan of chili and rice etc.

OfftheCuff · 02/03/2017 09:35

Basically, you can't afford this party. You say you're paying for "a few" drinks for each guest - but I'm guessing that after that they'll have to buy their own?

Why can't you host in your home, and look after your guests properly?

Far less pretentious than hosting at a place you can't actually afford.

yougetme · 02/03/2017 09:36

I have only ever been to one party that didnt serve proper food .It was dire.
There were tiny bowls of crisps and nuts on tables but they were never replenished and the party soon descended into the hard drinkers (minority)who stayed and the lightweights (majority) who had to go after a couple of drinks.
There wasnt much of a party atmosphere by the time the lightweights all left and this was less then 2 hours after the party started. Some people with kids left after only 1 drink as the kids were hungry.
I was one of the last lightweight guest to go as Im a slow drinker and the party givers were trying desperately to convince people to stay longer once they realised there was a mass walk out. We only needed a couple of sandwiches each and the night would have turned out much better all round.

AlmaMartyr · 02/03/2017 09:36

I wouldn't care if there was food or not as long as I knew in advance so could make sure I'd eaten. Happy birthday OP.

PinguForPresident · 02/03/2017 09:38

You cant change your party from "food" to "no food".

Suck it up nad pay the £300, or ask the venue to cater to your budget.

PutThatPomBearBack · 02/03/2017 09:40

Why on Earth would you host yourself a birthday party at all if you are short on funds?

empirerecordsrocked · 02/03/2017 09:40

I think it's fine to have no food but you HAVE to tell people, especially as you've told them there will be food!

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