DH wants to use a family name for our child, I don't - AIBU

[Todayistuesday]

DH's middle name is an unusual one and his father and grandfather also have it. It's a family name. He'd like our baby to have it too if it's a boy. I really don't like it. I'd maybe consider it as an additional middle name. He wants it as a first name and doesn't want the child to have two middle names. With my other child we both chose their names. AIBU?

Half the men in my generation from where I am have the middle name Mary.
Seriously, nobody cares.

Tough one... Granted we're not in the position of it being a 'girls' name, but we are expecting our first in May.

If a boy, by DH's family tradition the first born boy always has Deen as his middle name, as my DH does and his 2nd Cousin.

We were asked by his granddad before he passed that if it was a girl, could we use one of two middle names - either Cossyra or Mentana (family is Sri Lankan / Italian / Swiss)

I don't have any issue with Deen or Cossyra - not such a fan of Mentana.

My DM asked me what about our family traditions and I advised her that IMO my brother is there to carry on our family traditions. I am now married and have taken DH's surname and I must support his traditions.

I think giving your DS his 'own' first name is the right thing to do, a middle name (in most cases) is unlikely to be used that often and by the sounds of things clearly means a lot to your DH and his family.

I really hate the whole "tradition" of family names. It's egotistical to name your child after yourself, or expect a grandchild named after you, be it first or middle name, imo.
If i ever have a baby (almost an impossibility) no way is anyone else dictating or pressuring me what i would name them. Obviously my partner would get equal say in the name, but even if one of us had an absolute dream name we always loved, if the other doesn't like it, it doesn't get used.
As it stands i dislike both my parents names, all four of my grandparents names, and my partners fathers name. I don't know my partners grandparents names, and whilst i don't dislike his mums name, there are a good 20+ names i like way better.

Actually i'm sure my partners middle name is after one of his grandfathers, but i dont like it. His brother has the middle name of his other grandad, can't remember what it was, sure he told me years ago, but it was equally old fashioned and i remember not liking it.
Come to think of it, i don't like the first or middle names of any of my blood relations, be it parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, not for a baby of my own anyway.

Could you compromise and use it as a second middle name so it's a bit further down the 'pecking order' on the birth certificate?

Actually I think Lindsay spelt that way might be OK as a middle name - last middle name - because it is fairly common now to have surnames as middle names especially in Scotland. But...I'd only do that if it was actually for the purpose of passing on a surname e.g. if it was mum's maiden name as I think mockery would end fairly quickly if he could honestly say "it's my mums surname" or similar. As far as I can see that's not the case here, it's just a random name which someone started using.

Ovienna, I love Clementine. DH vetoed it last night!

OP you have to like your baby's name. You're going to spend the rest of your life using it

Not the middle name you don't

I wasn't talking about the middle name. The DH wants to use it as a first name.

My son has 2 middle names, one of which is a name used in DHs family for 8 generations now. Overall I am fine with it and don't think about it very much at all but I understand how you feel as I don't have a brilliant relationship with my inlaws, I don't love the name and my ILs actually brought it up to my husband said that they hoped we would use the name or would need to "consider the consequences of being the one who broke the chain"
I went with it because I liked the idea of the tradition and the idea of something so traceable back through the generations. Also it might have been the only opportunity to use the name in this way (it was as our second child is a dd) and DH is an only child, the last one with the family name and middle name etc.
As an aside, DSs other middle name is a Welsh unisex name but traditionally a girl's name in
England where we live and DH did let that slide because I loved it so much. To be honest the names are so rarely used it doesn't present much of a problem.

Thank Christ my parents broke the family tradition of calling the eldest daughter Marjorie...

We also chose to have family names as middle names - I really don't like my younger son's second middle name, but since it's never used, that's ok. It made my husband's family really happy, and that is worth it (first middle name -also never used-is from my family and my husband is not too keen on the name, first name is a name we both liked).

he actually has my maiden name as his middle name, how bad is that!

This happened to a friend of mine... she was called *Karen McLain Holder... McLain was her MIDDLE name, and it wasn't double barrelled. Sounded daft and every last person thought was was double barrelled. She was even accused of lying when she said McLain was her middle name!

Don't you just HATE people who are so pathetic and narrow minded, that they refuse to believe the truth, just because they have never experienced that particular thing?

• Not her real name, it's an example.

Where I live its completely normal to have the mothers surname as a middle name.

I wouldn't call my son Hillary but I went to school with a boy called Lyndsay- came from a very posh family. I never really thought about it being unusual when I knew him & now think it's actually quite nice.

I wanted to give DS my DGrandads name as a middle name, DH wouldn't consider it, then 2 years later DD1 came along and was given the same middle name as DMil, DGMil and Dniece as it's traditional in his family. Ahhhh!

Still grates now 11 years later, DS however is really happy not to have Albion as a middle name!

An unusual first name in my view could open a child to name calling which might not occur if it is a middle name. YANBU.