DH wants to use a family name for our child, I don't - AIBU

[Todayistuesday]

DH's middle name is an unusual one and his father and grandfather also have it. It's a family name. He'd like our baby to have it too if it's a boy. I really don't like it. I'd maybe consider it as an additional middle name. He wants it as a first name and doesn't want the child to have two middle names. With my other child we both chose their names. AIBU?

I think it is a name that might leave child open to being teased a bit.

You know what SheSaid? I don't think you are selfish and stubborn at all.

Is there away to abbreviate it and use that instead as a 2nd middle name or something?

I'm not sure 3rd gen (this being 4th) would be long enough standing for me if hated the name.

I have a friend who just used an initial for a middle name for her baby.

InTheKitchen I do, I honestly would change it if I could. DH always says not to worry, what's done is done, but I often think about it

I struggle to imagine letting a new mum know that they were hurt by her choice for her baby's name - is alien to me!

No abbrevIation possible.

If you don't feel you should have to compromise on it, why should your DH? Plenty of people have unusual second middle names due to family tradition. It often used to be that the mother's maiden name became a middle name. Second names of men I know include Quinney, Willoughby and Fox. All family tradition names way more unusual than Hillary or Lindsey.

There was a tradition in my family that the first name of the first boy got named after their grandfather (so Grandfather called X, Father Called Y, Son Called X, his son called Y and so on if you see what mean).

Going back to the mid-1750s or more (thats the last record we found). It was stopped by my Gran and although my Dad doesnt have the name he does regret that the name was changed and did consider changing it by deed poll.

My point is that you have to be happy to tell your child that there was a tradition in the family that you didnt want them to be part of.

i think that if the baby has his surname, it's only fair that you get to choose the first name and you can agreee on a middle name you both like .

(forgot to say - keep it as a middle name going with what has gone before - not as a first name)

I had twins - DD middle name was chosen by DN (same as hers) which went well and we both liked - MIL was not happy that DD has a 'family name' from my side (DN was 10 at the time and no previous child had the name) She insisted we name DS a 'family name' from her side - don't you mean DH side or both GP/GGP? .... DH picked his dads grandads name as a middle - went down like a lead balloon ! You can't win - it's your child - give him a name you like - traditions die out

We knew how they felt before he was born, his grandparents lived in Canada, they weren't rude or anything.

It's just something to keep in mind, I don't agree that the woman has more rights to name a child than the man

SheSaid I'm actually really intrigued by your POV. Maybe if I had been stubborn and insisted on my own choice I would be feeling like you are now? Ah well, as your DH says, what's done is done.

Any parent who thinks they should be able to pick a name for their child with no regard for the opinion of their partner is being unreasonable, clearly.

I don't think either has more rights that's why I think if one half hates the name then that's out.

Scottishdiem agree with your point about how the child feels about not being given the tradition too, at the moment DS is a typical teen who doesn't care about much other than his Xbox, but I do wonder how he will feel later on. Incidentally DH is also Scotttish

The issue with Hillary and Lindsey is that they're ugly and for me, more feminine than unisex. And old fashioned. Think long and hard op. This is the identity of your child. Dh was from a family, where you used the middle names of both grandmas. I refused. No way was dd having my mothers name. I am totally happy with this choice. However as his mother has already died, I didn't have anyone to upset as it's not my family tradition.

I think it's really going to irritate me if I use it. I think I'll stand my ground.

I don't agree that the woman has more rights to name a child than the man

Neither do I, but I do think that any parent has the right to veto a name they hate, and shouldnt be guilted into it out of "tradition".

My husband is called David. I found out I was having a boy. His dad seemed to think he was allowed to name my baby David.

Then I got the "it's a family name" crap. No, it isn't. Your surname is your family name. Then got hassled for it as a middle name.

I wasn't so bothered about that but my husband said "I'm really not fussed". At which point there was no way I was using it. They had their kids and decided to name them what they did. This was our turn.

Continue it as a middle name!! Be strong!!

The idea of one partner picking a name and saying "this is the name we're using, you don't get a say" is such an arrogant, ugly trait that I can't imagine ever having a child with such a horrible person in the first place to be honest.

See ply being 3 gens thing is what I'm stuck on.

So first child, let's have x as his middle name

Second child, let's put my middle name as his middle name

Third, well it would be nice to all have the same middle name

So it's not really far back to be a tradition that could be shattering imo but obviously I'm not emotionally attached to any name

I feel as if we got it right with our other child. Suits her, is modern without being too quirky. I can't name my child something that is going to irritate the hell out of me. I've always been upfront that I'm not a big fan of the name or bothered about the tradition.

We had two equal traditions, both applying only to first boys.

In DH 's side the names go traditional Christian name 1+ Scottish surname before ordinary surname, next generation traditional Christian name2 + Scottish surname before ordinary surname, ie alternating down the generations, for nearly 200 years.

In mine, there's a first name, one of those surnames that became a first name, given to every first son, down the generations for longer than that.

We compromised. Poor baby had three names pre surname. Alternate Christian name, my father's name, Scottish surname, then our surname.

I liked the tradition on my side, liked my father, but didn't see why I should have what I wanted and DH not. So was happy for baby to have the my side one as a middle name as v unusual indeed, whereas the Christian names in DH's side are standard, classic names, so not lumbering infant unduly.

I'd have regretted breaking the tradition too.

I don't agree that the woman has more rights to name a child than the man Odd how 'tradition' appears to dictate that the last name is often the man's. And in this case the first name too.

Sadly I think too many traditions are being discarded.