DH wants to use a family name for our child, I don't - AIBU

[Todayistuesday]

DH's middle name is an unusual one and his father and grandfather also have it. It's a family name. He'd like our baby to have it too if it's a boy. I really don't like it. I'd maybe consider it as an additional middle name. He wants it as a first name and doesn't want the child to have two middle names. With my other child we both chose their names. AIBU?

Shesaid, snap! Scots...

Scots do seem to hold name traditions close to their heart in my experience, DHs went back to clan names.

It's a good point: the surname will be carried on through the generations. Wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't such an odd one. Actually, I probably would.

I have said he won't be going to the registry office on his own!

SheSaidNoFuckThat - Indeed. From what he says it was his late teens that he finally twigged when speaking to older relatives about them and their names (as opposed to just Gran, Grandad and Great Grandad who were all alive at the time).

We now think, having gone back on both sides that my Gran wanted to end the tradition because she hated her (very rare) name and it seemed the name cropped up once in each generation (so not as direct a link as my dads male line) so there was a tradition there as well. She stopped it from her perspective but was thwarted when one of her sisters gave their girl the name. But my dad never understood the issue cause his name was a normal, well used one.

He feels he did lose a connection that had been in his family for generations and was always impressed that his Grandad (after who he could have been named) never mentioned it in a bad way despite being very disappointed when he found out.

It is up to the OP about where she stands on things like family traditions and how much she opts to respect that verses her own views on the name. As with my Gran, some things are not worth keeping.

I was going to suggest sneaking off on your own to register baby and not actually including the odd name but that's obviously not possible now!
YOU choose your baby's first name and second name and (if you must) put the weird name as a third name.
Good luck!

The names I wouldn't use aren't even bad names, not to my taste, but very average day to day names. My 2 younger DSs have one each as middle names - though totally not the point and doesn't change anything.

It's a good point: the surname will be carried on through the generations.

It's a good point: the surname will be carried on through the generations.

No idea what happened there. Meant to say that my DP and I have different surnames even though we are married. That tradition is dying.

I can't add anything to what has already been said, except to say I am bloody glad that I am not in a family, or married to a man who is from a family that insists on such 'traditions.' Being told that I have to call my child a certain name because DH's family insists on it. Sorry but fuck that. This is 2017, not the mid 1800's.

Why do the wishes and desires of the man/the man's family seem to take precedence over any woman's wishes in so many instances, even in this day and age? Really pisses me off. As someone said earlier in the thread; if both people in the couple don't like the name; it's vetoed...

scottishdiem and SheSaidNoFuckThat do you think either of you would have felt differently if it had only just become a tradition like with this one? So first gen was given the name because they liked it, second effectively gave his own middle name to child with no previous history and then DH's parents give it to DH

Me 14 years ago would still have been stubborn, me now would still regret it. I like traditions, I'm married and have my DHs name, I never considered not taking it

Yup, clan name.

Think, like ( not)

Simon Macbeth
George Macbeth
Simon Macbeth..
George..

So baby has eg
Simon [then my one, eg Townshend] Macbeth Anderson . Bit of a mouthful but what the heck. Simon easy to recognise. And I've chosen extremes as egs, actual ones less of a mouthful.

My instinct is use it as a middle name and I did get picked on for my middle name. I just used to think I was so damned perfect, that's all they could go for!

That said, I think traditions and family history are really important. It's what ties us to the people that have gone before us and the people coming after us. It's just kind of nice!

MiddleClassProblem To be honest I would probably roll with it and keep it going. DP and I (who are not going to have kids) did once discuss child names and there is the seeds of this in their family from Zimbabwe. A name was added to a Grandfather in relation to something that happened in the unrest leading to their civil war which was then given to his son (DPs father) as well. If we had kids it would become a middle name (even though I cannot pronounce it properly - and I have tried).

This thread has me willing for a time machine now ......

SheSaidNoFuckThat

Deed poll name change if it comes up.

to add it as a middle name. (my keyboard is useless tonight).

I'm a sucker for tradition and would keep it going. There is a family name (first born sons) that has been going for hundreds of years, but dh's dad was second born, so it follows through the cousins etc. It's very cool. You can follow it on their family tree.
We gave our first born daughter a middle name that is linked to both grandmothers. Middle names don't mean jack shit anyway, so it's a great way to carry on a family tradition without any repercussions whatsoever.
Dh has a super weird middle name. His mum just liked it. It's just as out there as Hillary or Lyndsay tbh. But less common. Having a weird middle name has made no difference at all to his 46 years on the planet.

Yeah have thought about that, it would have to be his choice now and it's so different to what his actual name is. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Yarburgh to not want it so first name - that should be their own name and you both have to line it.
However, I do think yabu over it going on the middle. You say it's not a tradition that bothers you but it clearly bothers him and its both of yours baby. Yes both dc will have his surname but DD may lose it in 20 years time, DS may have only girls or never have children or they may not take his name- passing on a surname is only guaranteed for one generation.
You're hardly going to refer to cold on a daily basis as William Hillary. I think you should accept that you not being bothered by a tradition is put tempted by DH caring about a tradition

Scottishdiem he actually has my maiden name as his middle name, how bad is that!

MommaGee that makes no sense. There's no guarantees either child will pass on either name...