DH wants to use a family name for our child, I don't - AIBU

[Todayistuesday]

DH's middle name is an unusual one and his father and grandfather also have it. It's a family name. He'd like our baby to have it too if it's a boy. I really don't like it. I'd maybe consider it as an additional middle name. He wants it as a first name and doesn't want the child to have two middle names. With my other child we both chose their names. AIBU?

It's also our last child and I don't really think I should have to compromise on such an important thing

But he should? It's his family tradition, its important to him and them. Just put it as a middle name and forget about it, no-one uses middle names anyway.

Thanks Ollie. I agree!

I don't like either... either.

Stick to your guns. You'll figure it out.

And like pp said both of you have to like it x

I broke a very long line of tradition from my DHs side with our first DC as I was stubborn and have regretted it since. It's not just about you.

Did you not like the name, Isaid? Why do you regret it? Was it the upset caused or the breaking of tradition? Thanks for all the input!

shesaid why do you regret it now? Do you actually like the name?

My Nan was like that, SheSaid .

For DECADES (centuries even as done family tree) John was the name for the first born son . Nan put her foot down when it came to her own son , it was not John.

Were your earlier children girls? Or not his? Otherwise I think you could object on the basis that if it was so important you should have had it for one of the others.

I think you get a veto, but I think you could learn to live with it as a middle name.

Shesaid, sorry!

What nonsense. Of course yanbu. You must call your child a name you both like. If you're feeling v v generous, maybe as 2nd middle Name.

Yes I still regret it, it hurt a lot of his family by not carrying it on. I don't particularly like the name, but it's his child as well and I should have been bee more open and understanding.

If the baby has your husband's family's surname, then you're already meeting his family's traditions. You're not getting to use the traditional surname of your family, why does DH's family get 2 names to represent them?

If you don't like it, don't use it.

I'd say both of those names (i'd guessed the same and am closely acquainted with one of them) are pretty clearly feminine in our culture now and so no, I wouldn't chose them for a boy. No, it shouldn't matter but when there are thousands of alternatives available it's not really necessary.

My OH has his fathers name as his middle name, his father had the same name as his father and his father and so on. When I was pregnant with our first child together my mil kept on and on and on about our first born son having to have this name as his first name. I said no way. ( cheeky mare she didn't even use it as a first name! ) I used the excuse it was unfair to name a child after only one grandparent. In reality I just wasn't prepared to be told I HAD to name my child anything. Luckily I had 2 girls and I'm not having anymore so she can pester her other DIL when they start having children.

Or a third even ?

My firstborn DS my DH of the time wanted a particular name , I did not like as a first name but as we used my late uncles name as a second name, we agreed on the third name. It is never used to be honest though , apart from forms that require full name that is.

it hurt a lot of his family by not carrying it on. I don't particularly like the name

Sorry shesaid but you didn't actually like the name, I can't believe your husband's family could behave so selfishly over a baby name. You should let go of the guilt and regret.

Do you think his family actually think about it much though, Shesaid? Once a child is named, it's them that's important, isn't it? Not the name so much.

I'd always have to explain that it's a family name every time I had to mention it.

Poor boy - don't do it

It's a very old tradition in his family, I'm talking 100s of years. His grandparents were the most hurt by it and if I had a time machine I would change it in a heartbeat

It's not selfish for them to want to carry on the name - or for my DH too - it's as much his child as mine. I was selfish and stubborn.

Your son might enjoy the fact that he is carrying on a family tradition. My brother has a family middle name and likes the sense of continuity. Maybe it is that that is irritating as it isn't your family (I get that). Neither of the names would bother me. I would probably go for two middle names.

I always think the most important thing in choosing a name for a child is to think of the child who has to carry the name throughout their lives. Is it a name which will cause them problems (teasing for example) or that is so unusual that they may hate it (boy I know called Buster, mum didn't like it but gave in to persuasion from her DH, boy hates it too but is stuck with it). I think the names already mentioned could lead to teasing at school (just because they might be middle names doesn't mean other children won't find out what they are) so for that reason I wouldn't do it.

I was guilted bullied into giving my DD a family name. It wasn't my choice at all. I deeply regret not standing my ground.

My husband would be third generation to bear this name. Do you like the name in any way Shesaid?