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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cheating the system

436 replies

AngryNameChanger · 26/02/2017 14:19

I have a friend, a very good friend in fact, that I want to report for benefit fraud. I feel as unhappy as anything that I feel this way, but I do, and short of cutting all contact with her I will continue to feel very annoyed towards her.
In all honesty, even if I cut all ties, I would still feel very pissed off!

She is a lone parent to 2 primary age kids but she receives a large amount each month in benefits. So much in fact that she manages to save around 500 each month and book holidays, expensive days out and never has to go without anything. It's not on credit, she's very open about it all and will happily tell everyone exactly how much she gets and what it's spent on.

Part of what makes up her huge payments every month is a disability payment for one of the dc, but they are not actually effected by their disability iyswim, and friend has mentioned a few times that she really shouldn't get this payment but when check ups happen they lay it on thickly! I don't want to elaborate more as it could be very outing along with all the other info!

The disability payment, while annoying (her child is as able in everything as other children in every way, but because of a very small thing she gets the payment) isn't the issue, if the powers that be say she is entitled then she's entitled.

I've put this in to show that she's not hard up and stuggling to make ends meet in any way.

My problem is that on top of everything, she's also earning money on the side! Quite a lot of money too, at least £100 per week. Sometimes more.

This is really pissing me off and I'm struggling to remain civil With her when she's talking about money (all the time!)

I feel very strongly that what she's doing is crossing a big line. I don't think it's based on jealousy either, even if that's what's coming across. She is my friend and I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I don't think she should be able to just carry on milking the system for every penny while also earning on the side.

I also don't want to put her in a position of struggling because I've said something, although i do feel that if she wasn't doing it then she wouldn't be in the position of getting in trouble.

In all honesty I don't think I can remain friends either way after putting all this down. It has really clarified It all for me.

So my aibu is, aibu to report her?

OP posts:
Original poster
AngryNameChanger · 26/02/2017 14:59

Yeah I see that. I also don't think I'm wrong though. I wonder how happy everyone would be if someone was stealing directly from them?

OP posts:
TeaCake5 · 26/02/2017 14:59

Why the thread though? As I said if you are concerned then report. There are special phonelines for this purpose. It it then for the appropriate people to investigate and nothing to do with you.

Goady threads like this always result in a 50/50 split, hugely polarised opinions at both ends of the scale and an angry extended bunfight.

Toffeelatteplease · 26/02/2017 14:59

Have you thought you are perpetuating the reason you are treated like shit?

It's the divide and conquer attitude that you are wholesale buying into.

The you may be a worthy candidate for benefits but your neighbour is probably cheating it should you had better report them culture. That makes benefit fraud feel more prevalent than it really is.

NavyandWhite · 26/02/2017 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bahh · 26/02/2017 15:00

I know several people who are not disabled and are receiving DLA, along with people who are not carers receiving carers allowance. It happens.

And on the point of reporting her.

I don't see why anyone should have to consider the 'consequences' of reporting. These people don't consider the 'consequences' to the rest of society when stealing government money (whether in undeserved benefits or tax/NI etc).

If this woman is earning so much she should have plenty of savings to keep her going while they investigate.

BestMammyEver · 26/02/2017 15:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Viviene · 26/02/2017 15:01

I would report her. Fraud is fraud, no matter who do it. It's your money as well - you pay taxes so that those in. We'd can benefit from the care from the government.

If you report her and she is innocent she will not lose anything.

BestMammyEver · 26/02/2017 15:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

jackieeee · 26/02/2017 15:01

Yabu - mind your own business.
You can yourself a 'friend' Hmm

lilyroses · 26/02/2017 15:02

And also if she up too £200 per week that's still under the tax bracket so she wouldn't need to pay.

You sound annoyed that she can afford things.

Badhairday1001 · 26/02/2017 15:04

I really don't think you can call yourself her friend! You should just end the friendship and leave her to get on with living her life while you concentrate on your own.

Spikeyball · 26/02/2017 15:04

What is the 'faked' disability Op?

MontePulciana · 26/02/2017 15:04

Report her if you think she's deceiving the welfare state. If she's innocent they will see that surely. I too have "friends" like her who seem to be in Mexico/Marbella/Ibiza all the bloody time. One of them was my bridesmaid at our overseas wedding so I'd never contemplated reporting her! Everyone's at it...

Original poster
AngryNameChanger · 26/02/2017 15:04

I've called her a friend end because I've known her for 5 years plus and we have been good friends in that time.

I don't care that she has more money than me, what I have I'm entitled to. I don't struggle in any way.

I'll say again. I only know what she tells me and others.

OP posts:
SpaceDuck · 26/02/2017 15:05

For everyone saying that reporting
someone for benefit fraud is jealously and bitterness etc, would you not feel the same??

The person I reported was claiming to be a single parent of 2 but was actually living with her bf who is father of 1 DC and works full time for a decent wage. Knowing that someone is financially better off than us all because they're fiddling the system to get all the extra cash they can/get money they aren't even entitled to was my motivation. Why should they get away with it? And it wasn't just a 'bit of extra cash', she was doing it for years so probably would of amounted to thousands. Me and my DP do everything the right way, both have full time jobs, pay all our rent and bills etc (£1200 a month), yet someone who doesn't work because they can't be bothered and claims all this money they aren't entitled too and is better off than us? How is that fair?

ADishBestEatenCold · 26/02/2017 15:05

"For context, I've been offered cash in hand work and I haven't taken it. I could also be earning lots of extra cash. I've chosen not to because it's illegal."

Are you saying that you could have an ample amount of paid work, but instead of working you are choosing to stay on benefits?

DizzyFizzyLizzy · 26/02/2017 15:05

I'd distance myself, but on balance I wouldn't report her. I wouldn't want to be responsible for her child struggling and also I need all the good karma I can get right now.

NavyandWhite · 26/02/2017 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Willyoujustbequiet · 26/02/2017 15:06

Her child isnt disabled? Are you a doctor?

You have to provide a shit load of evidence to get DLA

Your story is full of holes.

Original poster
AngryNameChanger · 26/02/2017 15:06

I'm surprised that stealing money that's not yours is now socially acceptable.

OP posts:
justagirl484 · 26/02/2017 15:06

NavyandWhite is right. DLA (PIP in case of adults) is very hard to get. I had to appeal mine (been on DLA since 2011 before being switched to PIP since 2016) and my multiple health conditions were very life-impacting. Also you may not be able to tell how her child is affected. Many of the things I spend my PIP on are things I need to function at a halfway normal level- those things probably make me seem fine to people who don't know me even though I really struggle. Could your friend OP have meant she hadn't expected them to get it when she meant "they shouldn't have got it?" By "laying it on thick" did she maybe refer to the pretty steep hoops claimants have to jump through to get anything. Laying it on thick could be emphasising how the child is on their worst day?

MojitoMollie · 26/02/2017 15:06

"Her child isn't disabled." and yet she gets DLA/PIP for this child who is not disabled?

how is she doing that then?

MarvelMummy13 · 26/02/2017 15:06

I understand what you mean. I work ridiculous hours and my partner is in full time work and were just over the threshold so all my wages are on bills and nursery I literally have just enough for food some months not even that and I know plenty of people who are getting paid nearly £1100 a month with housing benefit on top so that 1100 a month to spend on whatever they want. Its just not fair but unfortunately its just the way it is sometimes even if the childs disability was mild she'd still get something. Tbh I wouldn't report a friend . I'd explain how it upsets me but tbh she probably wouldn't be a friend because I really couldn't cope with someone like this in my life. id probably cut all ties and warn her not she will get caught eventually

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 26/02/2017 15:07

DLA is ridiculously hard to get, it's very unlikely your friend is simply "laying it on".

Really? A work colleague told me his wife claims DLA and when she has to go for an assessment she doesn't wash her hair or put on make up and dresses in scruffy clothes. He has to pick her up afterwards and refuses to go shopping with her when she looks like that.

Not everyone who claims DLA is genuine, it may only be a minority but it does happen.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 26/02/2017 15:07

I know lots of people like this. I'll have nothing to do with them, they're killing this country

Oh thanks for that, I only just stopped laughing hard enough to type a sensible response. Of course its benefit claimants who have sent this country to the dogs. Silly me thinking it was politicians, tax dodgers and bankers.

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