Cheating the system

[AngryNameChanger]

I have a friend, a very good friend in fact, that I want to report for benefit fraud. I feel as unhappy as anything that I feel this way, but I do, and short of cutting all contact with her I will continue to feel very annoyed towards her.
In all honesty, even if I cut all ties, I would still feel very pissed off!

She is a lone parent to 2 primary age kids but she receives a large amount each month in benefits. So much in fact that she manages to save around 500 each month and book holidays, expensive days out and never has to go without anything. It's not on credit, she's very open about it all and will happily tell everyone exactly how much she gets and what it's spent on.

Part of what makes up her huge payments every month is a disability payment for one of the dc, but they are not actually effected by their disability iyswim, and friend has mentioned a few times that she really shouldn't get this payment but when check ups happen they lay it on thickly! I don't want to elaborate more as it could be very outing along with all the other info!

The disability payment, while annoying (her child is as able in everything as other children in every way, but because of a very small thing she gets the payment) isn't the issue, if the powers that be say she is entitled then she's entitled.

I've put this in to show that she's not hard up and stuggling to make ends meet in any way.

My problem is that on top of everything, she's also earning money on the side! Quite a lot of money too, at least £100 per week. Sometimes more.

This is really pissing me off and I'm struggling to remain civil With her when she's talking about money (all the time!)

I feel very strongly that what she's doing is crossing a big line. I don't think it's based on jealousy either, even if that's what's coming across. She is my friend and I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I don't think she should be able to just carry on milking the system for every penny while also earning on the side.

I also don't want to put her in a position of struggling because I've said something, although i do feel that if she wasn't doing it then she wouldn't be in the position of getting in trouble.

In all honesty I don't think I can remain friends either way after putting all this down. It has really clarified It all for me.

So my aibu is, aibu to report her?

I see the OP went off to make dinner on Sunday and hasn't come back.

Must be feeding the five thousand.

I said she had a big pot to stir. I wonder what she was serving up, Goad in the hole?

38cody, dla is given for care needs not diagnosis.

38cody my son has a diagnosis of autism and ADHD with a side order of dyspraxia.

He walks, talks, takes part in school activities and playground stuff. You'd be forgiven for thinking that his diagnoses do not affect him.

What you wouldn't know.

He doesn't sleep more than five hours a night....and that's an improvement on the nights when he was under 10. If he doesn't sleep then neither do I as he needs monitoring to prevent him causing chaos.

He still needs promoting with all care needs. That's washing, dressing, toothbrushing etc .

He needs help to put on socks, do up buttons and lace up shoes (he is 14).

He cannot cope outside without my/Carer support, he is so vague and inattentive he is a danger to himself...he will cross roads without looking. He will also hit the floor if emergency vehicles go past with blues and twos as the noise is too loud.

He is very emotional and will cry if he hurts himself....no matter where we are so yes that's outside too.

He has very poor receptive language skills (he has poor understanding) despite a vocabulary in advance of most children of his age.

I won't go into his bowel issues....but trust me it's no fun.

But you wouldn't see ANY of that in a school environment..he looks like any other child and it would be easy to think that he doesn't have any problems.
Thankfully his school environment is now a special school...and relatives who used to be saying "nothing wrong with him" have strangely gone silent.

That's why he gets DLA and other children don't.

Trust me you know NOTHING about these children you see unless you are living in the home.

reuset take a bow, that was brilliant!

^I KNOW of two people get 'Disability allowance' for kids who's 'disability' doesn't affect their lives or cost more to keep them.
Apparently there are going to be some changes to it and they are FURIOUS.
It's a benefit thats easy to get fraudulently esp with a private diagnosis and it is widely abused - taking money from those who genuinely need it - It pisses me off big time and I can see where youre coming from but personally i woudn't report.^

Ah. Found my old son's useless SENCO on here!

It's also bollocks that you can get a diagnosis by paying privately too. We paid privately for an assessment as no one would give my child the time of day. We didnt get a diagnosis from the private doctor. Get your head around that one!

For some reason, despite the fact my qualifications can enable to me to earn £30k upwards, his old school thought I was just trying to seek help for him for the DLA money, which I've never applied for for him

Oops wasn't laughing at Pixie's post!

Not RTFT but from the OP, YANBU.
Falsely claiming and playing the system boils my piss too

GreyPoncho you just made yourself look like an idiot...

reuset that's okay. You made me smile with Goad in the hole!

Thanks Dawndonna, shame that I too know of someone playing the system.

You'd be surprised.
Very few of those who think they 'know' actually know diddly squat.

Yet there are those who know plenty.

I too know of someone playing the system.

More, ill informed, anecdata about how easy it is to claim DLA fraudulently. Very useful to the discussion.

Greyponcho RTFT!

Yet what do they actually know? Plenty don't 'see' my kids' care needs.

Sorry for singling you out from among the many! Some a lot bit more ranty and exaggerated.

The problem that those who claim we're all on the fiddle can't see is that every time they don't understand what is going on and make claims that they know better than the doctors, it becomes a problem for all of us. The government plays into this and we lose out. I should have appealed my decision but I was so grateful to get something that rather than lose it at appeal I kept quiet and am trying to cope with the minimum available. It's not easy but the system is so damned scary and so hard to navigate that it's sometimes easier to try and manage rather than put yourself through the Kafkaesque nightmare that is the combination of ATOS and the DWP.

I always wonder about things like this. The op takes the moral high ground, she knows right from wrong, she wishes to report for that reason. However does her morals and knowing right from wrong extend to personal honesty and if so will she tell the person she reported them and why, or will she lie through her teeth and act surprised when the friend says she was reported?

Often when people wish to report on the moral high ground, that high ground doesn't extend to themselves and anything that would personally impact them negatively. Just other people. They themselves are quite happy to be a dishonest liar.

Bizarre reasoning there Bluntness - would you expect OP to tell if she'd reported them for any other type of crime?

Secondly...OP is not the one making the end decision on whether or not her friend has cheated. Someone will investigate.

I personally think disability assessments in their current form are really degrading and the money available is pitiful. Benefits are a real scandal and they should be higher for those who need them. They should even be higher for those who don't need them as much, as true support for benefits comes from wide eligibility as well as a feeling of fairness.

But as long as people have this attitude that "oh benefit fraud is no big deal, the real scandal is XYZ" then we will never be able to raise benefits, because people - especially people on low incomes - will feel that cheating is not being taken seriously, and they are being treated like mugs for playing by the rules.

Someone upthread said that benefit fraud is only around 2%. But people who claim the most benefits are not evenly spread throughout the country - so genuine claimants playing by the rules are more likely to live in the same neighbourhoods as benefit cheats. 1 in 50 people is not a lot, but it's enough for everyone who lives in an area with a lot of benefit claimants to know of a benefit cheat.

In comparison the more affluent may not know anyone who claims anything more than child benefit. So they know of no people claiming benefits, let alone those fiddling the system, which leads them to think benefit fraud barely exists.

Of course in that strata avoiding VAT & paying cash in hand is just as prevalent and it just as abhorrent. I wish the DM could do an article on how many nurses we could employ if everyone paid VAT on their home improvements!

I'd report her in a heartbeat. She's stealing from people who genuinely need that benefit money. I am not jealous as I have never claimed any benefit and I won't.
I cannot believe how many people here accuse OP of 'grassing'. I'd grass anyday if it's the right thing to do. Go for it, OP. Ignore the ignoramus here. It is the RIGHT THING TO DO.

The problem that those who claim we're all on the fiddle DawnDonna I don't think anyone has said this!

Bluntess100, a few pages back she already posted that she would tell her if she reports her. So much for your accusation.

No one on either side does themselves any favours by saying either no one plays the system in the sense of lying or claiming when not entitled or everyone does.

I think we can all agree however that if we can root out those who cheat there will be more for those in need within a welfare state which we all support.