Cheating the system

[AngryNameChanger]

I have a friend, a very good friend in fact, that I want to report for benefit fraud. I feel as unhappy as anything that I feel this way, but I do, and short of cutting all contact with her I will continue to feel very annoyed towards her.
In all honesty, even if I cut all ties, I would still feel very pissed off!

She is a lone parent to 2 primary age kids but she receives a large amount each month in benefits. So much in fact that she manages to save around 500 each month and book holidays, expensive days out and never has to go without anything. It's not on credit, she's very open about it all and will happily tell everyone exactly how much she gets and what it's spent on.

Part of what makes up her huge payments every month is a disability payment for one of the dc, but they are not actually effected by their disability iyswim, and friend has mentioned a few times that she really shouldn't get this payment but when check ups happen they lay it on thickly! I don't want to elaborate more as it could be very outing along with all the other info!

The disability payment, while annoying (her child is as able in everything as other children in every way, but because of a very small thing she gets the payment) isn't the issue, if the powers that be say she is entitled then she's entitled.

I've put this in to show that she's not hard up and stuggling to make ends meet in any way.

My problem is that on top of everything, she's also earning money on the side! Quite a lot of money too, at least £100 per week. Sometimes more.

This is really pissing me off and I'm struggling to remain civil With her when she's talking about money (all the time!)

I feel very strongly that what she's doing is crossing a big line. I don't think it's based on jealousy either, even if that's what's coming across. She is my friend and I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I don't think she should be able to just carry on milking the system for every penny while also earning on the side.

I also don't want to put her in a position of struggling because I've said something, although i do feel that if she wasn't doing it then she wouldn't be in the position of getting in trouble.

In all honesty I don't think I can remain friends either way after putting all this down. It has really clarified It all for me.

So my aibu is, aibu to report her?

Stop pretending to be her friend and have a really good think about why you're so very bothered by what you believe the situation is. Because you don't actually know. And if you're going to report her, tell her that. Honesty being so apparently important to you, be honest yourself.

If you disagree with what she is doing to the extent that you would report her, you shouldn't be her friend. That is just betrayal.

She is a single parent with 2 young kids. Would you feel better if she was struggling financially? I think it's great that she doesn't have to be in stress about finances because it's much better psychological environment at home for kids. And it's also great that she can save some money. If she can earn 100£ a week and sometimes 200£ then those 500£ which she saves every month are earned by herself. I don't see anything wrong with that.

DLA isn't income dependent. You get it if you qualify. A close relative of mine has a income from wages of nearly £50k and they get DLA for one of their DCs with an invisible disability. They are also entitled to some tax credits because of this. All above board. Not everyone entitled to benefits are on the breadline.

I know what she's allowed to earn. I know this because I signed the exact same declaration.
For context, I've been offered cash in hand work and I haven't taken it. I could also be earning lots of extra cash. I've chosen not to because it's illegal.

Maybe I should as it seems that I'm the only mug who thinks it's a problem. I'm not jealous. I could be doing the same thing if I wanted.

I genuinely can't believe some of the responses here.

It's disgusting of her, you should definitely report and remove her from your life. What a horrible grabby woman with no morals.

I know lots of people like this. I'll have nothing to do with them, they're killing this country.

I've said already that I don't care about the disability payment. It's the full benefits plus earning hundreds on top that she shouldn't be.

I'm sorry, but I am on OP's side here. The DLA payment I can't and won't comment on, but if she is getting undeclared income then that is benefit fraud and yes you should report her.

Sick of people's hard earned taxes that scrimp and save to put food on the table, going to people who don't need or deserve it. Report her and if she is taking money she's not entitled to then she should get done for it.

Scroungers taking what they are not owed through some ridiculous sense of entitlement is the reason the systems in such trouble in the first place! It was supposed to be a safety net not a flipping way of life. Sorry rant over.

Yes OP you need to report her for earning while claiming. Let the benefits people figure it out.

Will it make you feel better when she has to go to court and pay back all the money and possibly face threat of prison (unlikely I know). Tell her you think she's out of order breaking the law and stop being friends with her if you like, but I don't think you can grass someone up and call yourself a friend.
I know people that do this and I don't even like them, but I wouldn't report them as ultimately it'll be the children that suffer. And I do understand its infuriating.

I've said already that I don't care about the disability payment

And yet you've made it clear you think your friend is lying to get it... how does that work?

And if I do report I will be telling her. I've already told her that she's going to get caught out at some point but she doesn't care.
It's unlikely our friendship will continue because it would seem I know the difference between right and wrong when she, and so many other people, if this thread is anything to go by, clearly don't.

DLA is not means tested and it is based on care needs not diagnosis. If she is getting carers allowance she is allowed to earn £100 a week. This should of course be declared but it won't effect her getting carers.

It is very, very, very hard to get DLA/PIP so I think it's unlikely that laying it on thick will result in an award.

She is assessed 6 monthly. I don't go to the hospital appointments. I just know what she tells me. And as I said in the op, if he powers that be have decided she gets it then she gets it. I put it in to show she's not earning on the side to feed her kids or heat her house. She's financially well off. She doesn't need to earn hundreds on top to make ends meet.

It's really hard to get DLA.

It's also really hard to make judgements on other people's disability especially if it is a fluctuating or an erratic condition. Fears of hitting someone like you who see us on a good day and making assumptions are why my DLA form was pages and pages long.

I was still reported and cleared. I have no idea by who or why or what for. It's a damn unpleasant process and everyone I know who has been reported (unsurprisingly common given idiots who think they know it all) has also been cleared.

It worth mentioning that i also don't share all the difficuties with everyone. The fact sometimes i can go a week barely leaving the house might easily get missed on a good week. Or the times I've ended up cover in shit trying to help DS clean up when I decide today it's safe to let him go solo (partly for his pride if we are in company). You're the type of person I wouldnt share anything with at all.

I am also able to save (within the very small limits) and go on (usually one) fairly lavish holiday a year. Damn good thing too as we would all good nuts without something to look forward to.

I also have no pension, my career is shot to pieces and I have no future beyond Caring for DS.

If attitudes to disability continue as they are DS has even less of a future. And there are some ding bats who would resent us the little happinesses we have.

Now if you're right YANBU to report her, but I'll put money on the fact you are totally wrong on every count. You will put your "friend" through hell.

You aren't really a friend so do your friend and favour and slink off now whether you report or not.

What is it about all these Mumsnetters who can't simply report someone for benefit fraud, without starting a thread first?

Report her or don't report her, but why the thread?

Do you need other people's advice on if and when you should scratch your arse too?

OP, I totally agree with you. And I can't believe some of the responses on here. Makes me wonder if some people would turn a blind eye to a thief or a drug dealer. And people saying how do you know this or that blah blah, you don't know her circumstances...well if you're friends with someone and they tell you these things then you do know.

FWIW I've reported someone before for benefit fraud and don't feel bad about it at all (it was a family member) I'm sure there are a lot of people out there that don't need the extra cash but want it. It's greed, pure and simple. I know of 2 other people fiddling the system in a similar way and would report them if I knew all the relevant details, but I don't know them well enough and they don't brag about it like the person I reported.

I know a few people who claim benefits they're not entitled to and it gets on my tits but I've never reported anyone, mainly as I'm scared of bad karma!

A friend was claiming as a sp but was living with a long term partner, she now works part time but is still claiming tc as a sp. They go on holiday every year, she spends a fortune at Christmas and she shops at M&S. I'm a sp and although I work full time I'm always broke

If you want to report her go on ahead, what she's doing is wrong, and it sounds as though you're not likely to be friends for much longer anyway.

Measly £400 (and if you'd RTFT OP says it's often more like £800)? Are you having a giraffe? That's fucking rent that is! That's not measly. How ridiculous.

I reported someone and they did nothing about it - even though the person actually admitted to me exactly what she was doing and amounts etc.

What is the point of this thread? If you are concerned about fraud then report it.

measly 100 pound a week

An extra £100 a week is not a measly amount to most poeple surely.

A measly 100+ on top of full benefits is a lot of money.
The fact is she knows she's doing wrong but she wants the money.

It's not pip. I've also said I don't think it's dla. It's through tax credits. And I also only know all of this because she regularly talks about it!
There are also no associated care costs.
I haven't just dreamed this up.

She wouldn't be paying tax and NI on £100 a week anyway. That's a red herring.

Lots of wealthy people claim DLA (didn't Katie price get roundly criticised for claiming free travel for Harvey?). If she's entitled to it she can have it.

I can get worked up about undeclared income. We're being bent over and fucked by those on high, let's not take it on on those we deem below us.

Oh. And you ain't no mate of hers!