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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheating the system

436 replies

AngryNameChanger · 26/02/2017 14:19

I have a friend, a very good friend in fact, that I want to report for benefit fraud. I feel as unhappy as anything that I feel this way, but I do, and short of cutting all contact with her I will continue to feel very annoyed towards her.
In all honesty, even if I cut all ties, I would still feel very pissed off!

She is a lone parent to 2 primary age kids but she receives a large amount each month in benefits. So much in fact that she manages to save around 500 each month and book holidays, expensive days out and never has to go without anything. It's not on credit, she's very open about it all and will happily tell everyone exactly how much she gets and what it's spent on.

Part of what makes up her huge payments every month is a disability payment for one of the dc, but they are not actually effected by their disability iyswim, and friend has mentioned a few times that she really shouldn't get this payment but when check ups happen they lay it on thickly! I don't want to elaborate more as it could be very outing along with all the other info!

The disability payment, while annoying (her child is as able in everything as other children in every way, but because of a very small thing she gets the payment) isn't the issue, if the powers that be say she is entitled then she's entitled.

I've put this in to show that she's not hard up and stuggling to make ends meet in any way.

My problem is that on top of everything, she's also earning money on the side! Quite a lot of money too, at least £100 per week. Sometimes more.

This is really pissing me off and I'm struggling to remain civil With her when she's talking about money (all the time!)

I feel very strongly that what she's doing is crossing a big line. I don't think it's based on jealousy either, even if that's what's coming across. She is my friend and I don't want to hurt her but at the same time I don't think she should be able to just carry on milking the system for every penny while also earning on the side.

I also don't want to put her in a position of struggling because I've said something, although i do feel that if she wasn't doing it then she wouldn't be in the position of getting in trouble.

In all honesty I don't think I can remain friends either way after putting all this down. It has really clarified It all for me.

So my aibu is, aibu to report her?

OP posts:
dlapip · 27/02/2017 08:23

Thanks for your internet-assessment.

dlapip · 27/02/2017 08:23

Bollocks wrong thread

Spikeyball · 27/02/2017 08:30

Savings will not affect dla, pip or carers allowance. Tax credits will only be affected if you have savings so high, the interest on them is running into hundreds of pounds a year.

HelenaGWells · 27/02/2017 08:34

You can earn £100 a week before it affects ESA and then it just reduces it. This is due to the way tax credits work. If she's on DLA she will be on PIP soon and I'd be amazed if she gets that falsely. People who deserve it can't get it right now. Disability of a child gives you different rules as well.

There is a bit of a perfect storm with benefits. Mostly it's hard work but some combinations of numbers of kids plus disabilities can give you decent money if you are sensible with what you spend.

SpaceDuck · 27/02/2017 08:38

So we should be more angry about tax evasion and bank bailouts and forget about the benefit fraud because there are bigger problems.

So by that logic, we should all just forget about theft, drug dealing and criminal damage because there are rapes and murders happening? Hmm

AwaywiththePixies27 · 27/02/2017 09:28

I do think it's interesting, nevertheless however you dress it up the OPs 'friend' is still cheating the system.

Had the OP said "My friend is conning the taxman out of hundreds / thousands" I'm wondering how many peoples responses would be different?

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 27/02/2017 09:40

So by that logic, we should all just forget about theft, drug dealing and criminal damage because there are rapes and murders happening?

If you're comparing the severity of rape or murder to criminal damage, you're being very naive indeed. Of course it shouldn't be ignored, but priorities need to be made.

Dawndonnaagain · 27/02/2017 09:42

Livelove, except Marilyns is talking absolute nonsense and the DWPs own figures do not bear out her statements.
I'm sorry your BiL is such an arse though.

SpaceDuck · 27/02/2017 09:53

I'm not comparing severity. Yes there will always be worse things, but a crime is a crime at the end of the day.

Spikeyball · 27/02/2017 09:55

The Op's 'friend' is an imaginary friend.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 27/02/2017 09:56

I didn't say it wasn't a crime, my comment was aimed at the person blaming benefit fraud for the state of the UK. Which was and is a ridiculous thing to say. Hence why I mentioned tax evasion, which costs more than benefit fraud by a considerable amount.

BishopBrennansArse · 27/02/2017 11:59

Really surprised a so called 'fraud officer' (no such title by the way) has zero understanding that income support isn't he only way you can go if you're a carer.

Who's to say she's not doing permitted work on the carers allowance and still getting all the necessary premiums that go with child DLA? You can work too as a carer as long as you are inside the income threshold (it's means tested) and give at least 35 hours a week care.

And your 'experiences' fantasies go against the DWP's own figures too.

Funny how all those recounting sensationalist propagandist anecdotes don't have actual hard data backing them up yet the counter argument does, isn't it?

Alfieisnoisy · 27/02/2017 13:58

A fraud officer (whatever that may be) will be feeding into the DWPs own figures....of 0.4%.

Not exactly massive figures are they?

Yes they need investigating but to take her work and think "fraud is rife" says more about her own prejudices than anything else.

Happyandhungry · 27/02/2017 14:08

Yep i report loads of people in my line of work, I've also reported extended family and friends. I've seen good hard working people struggle financially and get nothing yet these pisstakers get loads and EXPECT it like they're ENTITLED. its so enraging. Report away and i hope she gets her payments stopped even temporarily whilst it gets investigated.

Coralfish · 27/02/2017 14:13

All the people saying it's 'only' £100 a week - I have a full time job and this is less than what I have to live on once I've paid my rent!! If she is getting housing benefit/ tax credits/ JSA/ other benefits then surely I am not alone in thinking this is a lot of money!!

Spikeyball · 27/02/2017 14:28

Happyandhungry, if she gets her payments stopped only temporarily that means she wasn't doing anything wrong. How nice of you to wish that on someone.

VestalVirgin · 27/02/2017 14:44

How is this person your very good friend?

My very good friends only talk about how much more money than I they make when it comes to deciding who pays the restaurant bill. That is why they are my very good friends.

They know better than to remind me of my bad financial situation by bragging.

If you are well off yourself, then I wonder why this annoys you so much, if not, then I wonder how you can stand being around that person at all.

Your post sounds as if you think she should have to go without some things and not be able to have holidays.
I would not think that way about my friends. My friends are all lovely people who wholly deserve the occasional expensive holidays. (Though all of my friends have regular jobs and are honest about everything)

Admittedly, I don't see the big deal with a single parent being able to afford nice holidays for herself and the children. Why shouldn't she? It is better for the children that way as if she had to turn every penny, isn't it?
As long as the children are well cared for, and benefit from this, too, I don't see the big deal with her having perhaps 100 more a month than she "should".

PortiaCastis · 27/02/2017 14:52

If someone gets their payments stopped even temporarily how the fuck is she supposed to feed her children?

ThoraGruntwhistle · 27/02/2017 15:01

Thing is, even if she is fiddling the system as much as you think (and I really doubt it, PIP etc isn't something they give out for 'playing it up') why do you want her kids to suffer for what she's doing? Would you sit back as they lose their house and can't afford to eat and rub your hands gleefully?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 27/02/2017 15:04

I ended a friendship with someone because they were fraudulently claiming money. I also reported him.
He had been signed on to a sick note whilst it was investigated if he had a mental health condition causing his severe anger. He was categorically cleared of it being any kind of medical condition, he was just an arsehole. He was told to phone and tell the DWP his sick note was no longer valid and to stop claiming the money. He decided he wanted the £100 a week and to not have to go out and work (adult living at home with his parents, who paid for all his food, did all his washing, cleaning up after him, was like a hotel basically and he didn't pay them a penny in rent or anything) so the full £100 a week was disposable income. He would then complain to me he "never had money" and would ask me (disabled, more going out each month than coming in, always in overdraft and reliant on a credit card) to buy him stuff. He readily admitted to me as soon as he came home from his appointment he wasn't entitled to the money anymore as he wasn't sick so didn't qualify for a sick note and they told him to phone and tell DWP. I reminded him every week, and explained how it wasn't fair to those who genuinely need the money they get to feed themselves and have a roof for him to add to the welfare bill as it is people claiming fraudulently gets everyone elses benefits cut or more hoops added to qualify, and what he was doing was wrong, but he didn't care.

So i told him i couldn't be friends with someone like him and tried to cut contact. He hounded me for days trying to force me to be his friend and when i stood my ground he turned really nasty, calling me all names under the sun, threats, i deserved to be disabled, was dumb etc, so i emailed DWP and told them about him continuing to claim a sick note he was told he no longer qualified for and was told to cancel.

We still have a mutual friend, it's more than a year on and apparently he's grown up a lot now, more responsible etc. No idea if he was ever even contacted or investigated about the fraud (he was an online friend, i knew full name, email, date of birth, phone number etc but not home address or even the town he lived in) but i don't regret for a second that i reported him. People like him contribute to making things harder for the genuinely ill and disabled, i don't think anyone who can get by without benefits should claim them. (Here's looking at you, the multiple posters on here who get child benefit and put it in a savings account for the kid when they're older. You don't need the money, thousands of disabled and sick people do and get the amounts cut and eligibility restricted to cut the bill you're helping cause)

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 27/02/2017 15:06

If someone gets their payments stopped even temporarily how the fuck is she supposed to feed her children?

This! Even if someone is cheating the system (not as common as the media or channel 5 would have you believe), how is it ever fair that kids should pay the price for it? Literally, in the sense of not having enough to eat. Does that make you feel good? Because it's "right" you'd be prepared to let kids starve?

Babyroobs · 27/02/2017 15:08

It always amazes me when people state statistics about the level of benefit fraud being so low. I currently have 2 collegues who are claiming to be single parents whilst their well paid boyfriends virtually live with them full time and there have been quite a few other friends/ neighbours in the past. It seems to be rife. Judging my this thread there are plenty playing/ defrauding the system.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 27/02/2017 15:23

I know 1 person who is "at it" among many, many people I know who are on benefits for a myriad of reasons (all legitimate) and certainly not living in any kind of luxury. The reason it appears there are many people screwing the system is because the only examples being given are of people allegedly committing fraud. Nobody is mentioning friends/family who are on benefits through no fault of their own and living with judgements every day!

BishopBrennansArse · 27/02/2017 15:34

Once again anecdotes vs data.

PortiaCastis · 27/02/2017 15:38

I was on benefits and was judged daily by those who didn't know or didn't bother to find out why.
The reason was because I LTB and was in a hostel for a while as that was better than another black eye and another broken arm.
It was extremely difficult to get any help whatsoever.